Cost of childcare stopping us having a second child

We also went for an almost 4 year age gap so we didn't have to pay two lots of full time childcare. Started TTCing the month before eldest turned 3 and their sibling arrived a month after they turned 4. Eldest remained at nursery for a few months before they started school and we were able to use the money saved from eldest's previous nursery fees as a buffer for when the youngest started nursery.

I have 2 children with a 3 year gap and it is expensive until they both start school but we both stagger days/hours and compress so my partner does 3 days in the week and a Saturday and I do 4 days in the week so we only only ever have to pay for 2 days a week wraparound or all day childcare in the holidays - if we couldn't do that it would just be impossible

Thank you so much! It's so good to read other peoples real life experiences!

@BernadetteIsMySister that’s really good advice- thank you!!

Everyone I know has timed a second for when their first gets free hours or is at school. If you’re genuinely happy with one then that’s great, otherwise I’d wait a bit longer

@GoodChat

My youngest was 4 and 4 days when she started school. She’s honestly not had any issues at all. Her best friend is an October baby and you wouldn’t know the difference.

My oldest was fine starting school but was different in that she seemed younger than her Sept/Oct/Nov born peers but that was only a very short term thing and by year 1 you wouldn’t have been able to tell.

I’m 31st Aug and have always been an academic high achiever. I’m a doctor now.

My advice would be to not worry yourself unnecessarily. :-) Hard when you have whole topics about people delaying their August born starting reception. I’d not do much ‘research’ and wait until yours starts.

I have a 3.3 year old and baby 2 is due in June when DS is 3.6.

This way we will have had 6 months of reduced nursery fees (now DS gets 30 free hours) so we have put some money away from that. But also when I go back to work after baby 2, there will only be 6 months of 2 nursery bills before DS starts school so the money we're saving now will cover DS's £300 for 6 months (so £1800) and then we will have 1 standard nursery bill for the baby.

I totally get where you're coming from. We had this difficult decision as well. And then there's pressure of wondering how long it'll take to conceive etc.
It's hard when you don't have family to help (like me!) it feels like other people have a lot more disposable income than you, money for holidays etc.

IMO, having a child just so your first can have a sibling isn't enough of a reason. They aren't born just to be company for the first and you have no guarantee they would even want to play together. I never played with my little brother.

Someone once said on here to look at it like this - when you have another child, you are directly taking away resource from the first, whether that be time, money or opportunities.

If you have enough to share, then go ahead. You are still young - I would start thinking about trying to get pregnant the year before DC starts reception.

I know some people manage the nursery years by taking out a loan to spread the cost over a longer period, not something I'd like to do but another option to consider.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers yeah I'm September and always did well but, in hindsight so did my June-born sister.

I think it's just her starting school when she's just turned 4 that I worry about (she's only 18 months at the no) but my 3.5 year old is probably almost ready for school now so I should stress less!

My eldest is only 5 but top set for reading, every school report is glowing- hasn’t seemingly lagged behind.
I personally have never understood the love of September born babies- I’ve known many 4year olds bored senseless in their last nursery year.

My son gets his 30 free hours in September of this year and starts school September 2025. I'm currently pregnant and due in October this year. If you wait to conceive until around 2 and a half it could work as there won't be any crossover while you're on maternity leave and you could still have your first child in childcare for a few hours a week if you want to. But you can't guarantee you'll fall pregnant right away of course. I also had a loss in December.

Could you compromise and wait to try with a due date of the Sept before your DD starts school and take a year's maternity? It's rubbish, I also have a 20mo DD and would have liked to try for DC3 by now but waiting until we atleast get her 30 hours.

I'm glad you've said that because I worry about my august baby!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Totally agree and I did the same! Although Mumsnet generally believes that summer borns struggle academically. Which is utter bollocks anecdotally in the case of me and me children (all August).

Luckily first was an august born baby- 3yrs between her and her sister- Mat leave covered her last nursery year before school.
my advice- have summer born babies!

4 year age gap for exactly this reason. ds1 is 7 next week ds2 will be 3 in June, we will finally be reducing our childcare fees in September this year.

We deliberately left a big gap for this reason, had DC2 just after DC1 started Reception. It’s still been tight paying for childcare but it was definitely more manageable than both in nursery.

Wait until they start school. Presume they’re in school part time, with free hours from Sept 24? You can start trying at the end of the year. You don’t magically become more at risk the second you turn 35. You can’t have it all I’m afraid.

We delayed and it ended up that second was born just after first turned 4. That meant by the time eldest started school I was still (just) on maternity leave and we only had one lot of nursery fees to pay once younger one started.

The thing is it's never just the cost of childcare. If you can't/can barely afford childcare it means you don't have spare cash for emergencies/other additional costs of kids. But if you wait until your DD is in school/ pre-school to conceive, you'll be only 36 ish? And you'll have less/no childcare costs. Also if your DD is in pre-school still and you're pregnant, you could care for her while on mat leave

Ah I dunno OP.
It's a personal thing.

Being skint is miserable. Having two small children and being skint is double miserable.
If I were you I'd either delay until oldest starts school or stick with 1.

Having another to give your first a sibling isn't a great reason to have another, especially if your finances will also suffer.

But that particular discussion warrants its own 30 page thread and we don't need any more of those.

When we were discussing having a second child we both looked into options for working at different times from each other. One of us mostly works 9-5, the other part time during the week then we both have other sources of income we can do in the evenings/ weekends. This helped us meet the increased costs of expanding our family. Would this be an option for you and your husband?

Most mums around these parts are having their first or second baby at 35+. I'm about to have #2 at 36 and never considered myself old, and that's with a second, somewhat complicated, consultant led pregnancy. I actually know more mums with babies over 40 than under 30.

We went for an almost 4 year age gap so we didn't have to pay two lots of full time childcare - again, I don't think it's that uncommon?

But if you'd rather have no second child than a 4-ish year age gap, that's fine too! I'm an only child and don't feel like I missed out by not having a sibling.

You can time your mat leave to have them both home, saves a whole year of childcare fees.
I find that the baby years are quite cheap as you're not eating out, having lovely holidays etc, so discretionary spending goes down massively.
But, if DH isn't on board it's all irrelevant really, you shouldn't persuade someone to have a baby they don't want.