Can I get childcare to cover labour?

Clearly your mum has some issues but she needs to look after DD. Your alternatives (paying ££££ for a random to be on standby for weeks or having MAJOR SURGERY) just so your mum can come to the birth are bonkers. I assume you're even considering them because you've been conditioned by your unreasonable mum.

Your mum sounds like a right twat

Just tell your mum no! She can’t be at the birth.

My two year old was in the Labour room with me and H when her sibling was born. Not much choice as my mum was two hours away and didn't get there in time.

Not ideal if you have no family support but it wasn't the end of the world.

Riiight, just how old is your Mum to think she is likely to die within the next 7m ?

If your mum doesn’t step up, do you have space to host a student for a few weeks who is on call? My university has many midwifery or nursing degree students.

Your mum is the issue indeed. she needs to stop being self centred and look after her grandchild. In my area,senior volunteers in the local church also do this (babysitting when mum is in labour). Ask around in local Facebook groups. It’s unlikely you need someone on call for 5 weeks unless you are likely to have a pre term birth.

Your mum sounds awful and dramatic. Do you actually want her at the birth ?

Do you know any of your neighbours? Do any of them have young children?

I had my parents lined up to look after DC1 but they live 3 hours drive away so I also asked three sets of neighbours with children if they could be on standby to potentially come sit in our house until my parents arrived. It wasn't an issue in the end (parents were actually staying when I went into labour with DC2) but it was reassuring to know that there were people nearby who would help if needed. And it felt less of an imposition since they lived so close to us and it would literally be a matter of one of the parents popping over to our house for a bit. We were friendly acquaintances though and had done some playdates/chatted in the street beforehand.

Your mum needs to watch your eldest.

Failing that, I have been a standby child care for quite a few friends. The plan was I'd go round to fill the gap before their arranged childcare could get there.

I've found that even less close mum friends will help in situations like this. We all get it and know how stressful it can be.

Your mum sounds very melodramatic. She won't be able to come to the birth and to be honest you probably don't want someone so prone to being dramatic there anyway.

If your mum originally agreed then that's what should be happening. No need to elect for a c section just because she's now being so unhelpful.

Your mum is the problem. Tell her she has to look after your child and she can’t be at the birth. If she refuses to do that then I’d have DH at home and go in alone. It would stress me out no end to think my toddler was left with someone they didn’t know.

I had a mother like yours(estranged) so you have my sympathy.

I did this for a good friend. For about 4 weeks beforehand, I had an overnight bag packed in my car and I never had more than 1 glass of wine in the evening.

When the call eventually came at 3am, I just fell into the car (in my PJs and boots) and drove straight there. They were at the door waiting for me, they jumped into their car and I climbed into the spare bed until 7am when the other wee ones woke me up.

If you have good friends, do float the idea. I'd do it again happily.

I planned to give birth without my husband for our second baby if necessary. I wouldn’t want our eldest to have been left with someone and it was during lockdown so any kind of back up plan was not really possible. As it ended up, I went into labour early while still working as a key worker so eldest was in school.

In your situation, I would expect your mother to look after your eldest!

I'm sure she adores your DD, can you centre her feelings in this and really lay on the guilt about how scared and upset she'll be without her beloved nan there?

do you have a spouse or partner who will be with you for the birth? Do you need your mother to be your support person?

if not, having her help with your older child is going to make a huge difference.

You should lay it out quite plainly. The calmer you are, the better for you and baby, the smoother labor is likely to be. If you are worried about your other child with a care provider, you won’t be calm. The best support she could give is to babysit.

I’m sure your mum would rather forfeit being at the birth that you having to have surgery.

Honestly I think you should ask your mum to have her. I know your mum wants to be at the birth but you have a daughter who needs to be cared for that takes priority over your mums wants.

If that really isnt workable then ask your friends. If my friend asked me to be on call to do emergency childcare I'd say yes without hesitation. Think carefully about your choice, I have DH here so if someone called at 2am I'd be able to get up and go knowing my DD had DH here to watch her.

So your mum would "rather come to the birth" do you actually want her there? Is she going to be more use to you looking after DD who is already here rather than potentially leaving her with a stranger at a very delicate time in her life. I would rather give birth alone and know my DD was being looked after by her GP than have my mum at DC's birth and my very little DD with someone unknown or virtually unknown to her.

Oh, we have cross posted. In your situation I would (and did) say absolutely no, Mum, we need you at home with DD! It's a big enough change for a toddler, without the possibility of them waking up in the morning to find their family gone to be replaced by someone they hardly know.

Alternatively, you could consider a homebirth, then if it's at night you don't need a sitter.

A doula can help with this. Or possibly a home birth might work too? If it suits you of course.