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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Can I get childcare to cover labour?

107 replies

AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 30/01/2023 23:22

This would mean having someone on-call 24/7 for up to 5 weeks and paid a retainer at least for this whole time. They’d need to stay local and be prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice, quite possibly in the middle of the night. Is it realistic to think I could find someone prepared to do this?

Would childcare concerns be justification for a maternal request C-section do you think?

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DrHousecuredme · 01/02/2023 11:29

This! Your mum is the obvious answer.

How are so many posters not grasping that the grandmother doesn't want to look after a toddler?
And, I'm sympathetic and do understand how disappointing that is but the fact is, she didn't plan these children, she isn't obliged to care for her grandchildren if she doesn't want to.
Op is absolutely entitled to say no to her being at the birth but that doesn't automatically mean that she'll be willing to care for the toddler.

Snugglemonkey · 01/02/2023 08:28

TheTeenageYears · 31/01/2023 00:06

So your mum would "rather come to the birth" do you actually want her there? Is she going to be more use to you looking after DD who is already here rather than potentially leaving her with a stranger at a very delicate time in her life. I would rather give birth alone and know my DD was being looked after by her GP than have my mum at DC's birth and my very little DD with someone unknown or virtually unknown to her.

This! Your mum is the obvious answer.

Mindymomo · 01/02/2023 08:25

If you are considering a home birth and you have DH and DM there then they can take it in turn to look after DD whilst you give birth.

Alternative (I also live in Surrey) go to local park or play groups, where there will be loads of au pair’s, nannies and Mums who may be able to offer suggestions.

nca89 · 01/02/2023 07:49

Did you have a normal quick first birth? I birthed at home with DH, went into Labour at night as you'd expect and baby was born before eldest got up. Have to admit didnt really think about childcare too much, I had a couple of friends I could call if I needed to but I knew it was likely to be quick.

You're overthinking it, your mum is around (do you even want her there at the birth? She shouldn't be the priority dictating to you) your DH is there, it's not like you're going to end up alone or with no childcare.

Just see what develops over the next 6 months.

CaramelMach · 01/02/2023 07:41

This is nuts. You have two options much easier than getting childcare on standby

  1. Your dds grandmother looks after her at home
  2. You go to hospital alone and DH stays with child.

I'd pick 1) given a choice. Your mother is clearly quite dominant and you might want to set her straight sooner rather than later.

Why does she think you are making excuses? Excuses for what ? This is child birth not a piano recital.

She's sounds a nightmare tbh. If she wants to help she needs to take your direction.

What's the plan anyway for her? Is she local ? Will she be on stand by with a bag in car etc ?

Redebs · 01/02/2023 07:35

If there's only one family member available, then they need to be with the child. You can manage, but at this time a young child needs reassurance and security, not a stranger.

Bagzzz · 01/02/2023 07:34

Seems your mother is making an ultimatum (very unfairly). If you want help from me with this birth it will be as birthing partner not as childminder for my grandchild.

i think you need to work from there. So she may be ruling herself out of being there.

mummyh2016 · 01/02/2023 07:29

Will you find it helpful your mom being there? Mine would stress me out to the max, I couldn't think of anything worse.

lunar1 · 01/02/2023 07:21

Nobody needs someone as melodramatic as your mum sounds around while in labour.

I'd take her out the equation completely. If an agency will help out then perfect, if it falls through then your husband will have to look after his daughter.

Ginger1982 · 01/02/2023 07:17

Your mum is being ridiculous. I hope you can find something.

4thonthe4th · 01/02/2023 07:16

FeinCuroxiVooz · 01/02/2023 07:14

if that's what OP actually wants for herself and whether she needs to justify it to others, this is true. but we are talking about justifying it to herself, and whether she really wants to opt for the risks of major abdominal surgery as a way to avoid the logistics of accommodating her mother's whims

Show quote history

Yes. That’s what I said “if that’s what you want”

FeinCuroxiVooz · 01/02/2023 07:14

4thonthe4th · 01/02/2023 07:02

You don’t need to justify a maternal request for ELCS. If that’s what you want, talk to your midwife as soon as you can to get the ball rolling with the consultant.

if that's what OP actually wants for herself and whether she needs to justify it to others, this is true. but we are talking about justifying it to herself, and whether she really wants to opt for the risks of major abdominal surgery as a way to avoid the logistics of accommodating her mother's whims

4thonthe4th · 01/02/2023 07:02

You don’t need to justify a maternal request for ELCS. If that’s what you want, talk to your midwife as soon as you can to get the ball rolling with the consultant.

Original poster
AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 01/02/2023 06:56

We live in Surrey.

OP posts:
SuperDuperJezebel · 31/01/2023 21:34

@AllTheBestNamesWereTaken where do you live?

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 18:40

1200 a week for 7 days is just under £180 a day

Yes you may find a junior mn for that if that's the path you want to go down

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 31/01/2023 17:47

I can't say I had a lot of people I knew well when my dc2 was due but I think it is needing to ask for help that often shows you who your friends or potential friends are. I ended up asking a few people I knew a little from toddler groups and the like if they would be OK to be called in an emergency and those that said yes I ended up being friends with over time.

Similar to you too as we planned a home birth and would only need childcare if toddler woke or I needed to transfer.

Original poster
AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 31/01/2023 17:37

There have been some really sensitive thoughtful replies here. Thank you. I think it is clear that I’m going to need some back-up beyond my mum and I think taking a very professional route could be the answer for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllTheBestNamesWereTaken · 31/01/2023 17:21

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 16:55

Do you have a budget or rich

Or what do you want to pay for a retainer

Yes course you can get a mn for 24hrs and if need 7 days a then either 5/2 or 4/3 but will cost

Yes now thinking about a mn now. Just had an agency tell me the same about how some will help out with an older child whilst waiting for baby to arrive.

This option is actually a lot cheaper than the nanny agency who said I would need to pay full wage of £15/hour to a temp nanny as a retainer - works out at just over £2,500/week compared to £1,200 for a junior mn.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 16:56

Sorry last bit of message vanished

Some mn help out with older child while waiting for baby to arrive

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2023 16:55

Do you have a budget or rich

Or what do you want to pay for a retainer

Yes course you can get a mn for 24hrs and if need 7 days a then either 5/2 or 4/3 but will cost

WhatNoRaisins · 31/01/2023 14:32

Do you have a strained relationship with your mother, the interactions you mention here sound really off. If you don't want her there at the birth you don't have to. Do you not feel able to have a direct conversation about it?

Squamata · 31/01/2023 14:12

Look up doulas in your area OP - their job involves being available 24/7 for 5 weeks at a time so they're used to scheduling like that. Most I've known of are mothers themselves.

They're usually super flexible and happy to help with a home birth or do childcare if that's what meets your needs best. Or you might find one willing to just do childcare for a reduced rate. There might also be a trainee doula who would be happy to have the experience of supporting you in labour a bit but staying home to do childcare if you need to be transferred.

It's definitely worth exploring.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 31/01/2023 14:10

I'd quite happily go to hospital on my own and have the baby on my own if I didn't have childcare and partner could stay home with the kids.
He didn't really do anything the first delivery anyway and I'd be happier knowing the kids were fine at home .

Opine · 31/01/2023 13:57

@allthemissingfucks Hands down the wildest assumption I’ve ever heard 🤣🤣