Should I take toddler to MIL appointment?

😂
Op has many valid reasons but has said she doesn't feel up to it. That's it.

Please don’t do this op. Your mil doesn’t need your help. She wants it.

There are plenty of people incapable of doing this. I put my dd in nursery because I was too ill to look after her, under 40 btw. Not all 70 year olds have good health.

Your husband should pay for her taxi. Just say, “Sorry, that’s too much for me at the moment,” if you feel it’s too much. You are entitled to set your own boundaries

Just say NO! Importantly, say it calmly but firmly - and mean it! It’s utterly ridiculous to expect someone in the late stages of pregnancy, who’s not feeling up to this, to do this unnecessary chore. MIL can get public transport and/or a taxi, just like everyone else would do. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t speak English. Other people manage fine and she’ll have an interpreter there. Perhaps she just wants a bit of company? Ok, well one of her children or in-laws who are not heavily pregnant can take her.

It does sound like your DH isn’t thinking about you and is almost pretending not to understand you can’t do it. If you don’t want to stand up to him, then simply have some kind of ‘pregnancy issue’ that means ‘the midwife has told you you shouldn’t do the drive’.

If your going to do it (and at 36 weeks pregnant I would really not want to with or without a toddler!) I would explain you can provide transport but with have toddler so won’t be able to come into the appointment and won’t be able to help with any other jobs such as grocery shopping whilst you are there. Be a taxi and drop at appointment, find soft play or park for toddler for the hour appointment, then drop back home. If dh can take her to and from yours to save an extra half hour of driving even better. But it is still absolutely fine to say no to any/ all of this!

Good for you. The OP said her parents are elderly and caring for a toddler stresses them out. Further, the MIL is still of working age and it sounds like she simply doesn’t wish to return to work.

There’s zero reason why she can’t get herself to her own appointment- the OP shouldn’t be ferrying her around at all. It’s not her mother!!

I’ve no idea who you are or what you even said on this thread

I’m referring to many of the posters coming on to reply who seem unwilling to do anything for anybody.
Posters are coming on to reply in support of the OP's predicament. She doesn't feel up to it and they are not listening to her. They've assumed she can do it anyway.
That doesn't mean those posters are unwilling to do anything for anybody or lacking in generosity.
And if you mean me, in particular, I am happy to help people out if they need me. I understand exactly how the OP feels when you are close to giving birth and exhausted and people insist that their plans are possible.

Hmmm I know countless grandparents in their late 70s who look after young children several days a week whilst their parents work.

Her parents are elderly. You don’t leave an active toddler with elderly people for 4+ hours. No freaking way!!

My Aunty used to take her mother in law (my grandma) to her various appointments towards the end. But the thing is she was never pregnant caring for a toddler and she only worked part-time (and had a very good standard of living).

It seems like your mother in law has capacity to get herself on transport. None of this - you taking her at 36 weeks pregnant with a two year old and then “shopping after” BS.

If she doesn’t have capacity to get her butt in a taxi or a train or whatever then she should be in a care home.

You take your mother in law now - you’ll be doing it for the rest of her life.

It seems you’re avoiding an argument. I suggest you pretend like you will take her and then closer to the actual appointment day start having contractions and tell them your midwife has put you on bed rest. Your baby could come at any moment and you shouldn’t be sitting in a car for 3.5 hours in traffic - heavily pregnant with a toddler.

It’s not even your responsibility to take her!

I haven’t been asked to take my mother in law to any medical appointments once because she’s capable and if she wasn’t capable then her children would take her. She’s in her late 70’s.

If your mother in law needs to go then she can take a taxi or one of her kids can take time off work. It seems like she’s avoiding work anyway. This is utterly ridiculous.

*wouldn’t

Please let me clarify, I’m not referring to the OP having a lack of generosity at all, she clearly cares or she would give this a second thought. I’m referring to many of the posters coming on to reply who seem unwilling to do anything for anybody.

OP has said several times she can't do it because she doesn't feel physically able and none of them are listening to her.
It's not lack of generosity since she has given many lifts in the past and will do in the present.
A pregnant woman with a history of going into labour early and a toddler in tow is telling her nearest and dearest that she doesn't feel up to it - they have dismissed this and assumed she will do it anyway. That is lack of generosity.

MIL has other options including resuming talking to the son that used to give her lifts until she fell out with him.

‘Give in’? I didn’t know it was a battle royale. I said I would do it if I was the OP, so long as she feels physically able. Then again I would treat my MIL as a member of my family and help her out if I could. Yes it is preferable that her own children do it, but they aren’t and the woman needs a lift. If the OP can’t do it she can’t do it.
There is such a lack of generosity on some of these threads I really wonder if people actually behave like they say they would in real life, because it’s so alien to my experience of life.

Why should she just give in?

She's already said that she'd feel guilty dumping the toddler on her parents who is quite a handful at the moment on her parents as they have health conditions. It means she doesn't think they are up to it. Her sister usually has him, but can't.

Her last baby born early, she is exhausted and she doesn't feel up to the long drive, hanging about during appointment with difficult toddler that she can't easily lift. She doesn't feel up to it.

Why can't the four children of MIL listen to her and do the decent thing?

So you are just making an assumption then. It’s no skin off my nose. As I said OP if your parents can mind the toddler and you feel physically up to do it I would give your mother in law a lift

In OP's previous posts she explained her parents are elderly and she taken them to "quite a few" medical appointments for their "health conditions". Reading between the lines, and the fact OP would feel guilty does suggest that due to their age and health conditions that looking after the toddler would be difficult for them.
Anyway it's not even OP's responsibility to sort this out it's down to MIL's children so all this is really a moot point.

I think she just said she had taken them to hospital appointments as well but that doesn’t mean you are chronically ill

@Eyerollcentral

"Didn’t she say that she would feel guilty leaving the toddler with them? I may have missed the part where she said they were not able to mind the child."

Yes OP did say she would feel guilty but also that her parents are elderly and in poor health or have a number of health conditions.

How are you even able to
1, get/fit behind the wheel and drive at 36 weeks?
2, resist resting when you can (I mean you have a 2 year old to look after, i get it - but MIL in not your priority right now, unborn bubba and 2 Yr old is)
3, not be stressing to your DH about baby number one coming early, making baby number 2 be very high probability to arriving early too? Does you MIL even understand this???? Does DH even understand this??????

I'd be saying no means no means no. Too risky. For your own health, the health of your unborn child and the stress yours putting on a 2 year old for no real good reason. They've already going to have issues with sharing your attention with a newborn soon.

So he's getting her over to save you half an hour and you will be expected to do it.....I think I'd start having a few pains and get some bed rest

Didn’t she say that she would feel guilty leaving the toddler with them? I may have missed the part where she said they were not able to mind the child.