Should I take toddler to MIL appointment?

"Dh, I need you to hear me. I am not driving your mother.Not if she stays over, not at all. Period. And if you insist on her staying over, you need to do all the work. Clean, etc. The whole point is I CANNOT take on more. No. More. Not extra cleaning, cooking, or entertaining. NONE OF IT. Quit piling more on my plate to make YOUR life easier. You have three siblings. One of you needs to handle this, and quit dumping everything on me. Being your wife doesn't mean I'm chef, cook and bottle washer whenever you decide your mother needs tending to. Don't demand of me what you and your siblings aren't willing to do yourselves."

Seriously, the absolute audacity. Neither him or his siblings will tend to their mother, so they just shove her on you? Nope. I'd stay in my pjs all day, hunker down in front of the tv with my toddler, and refuse to move for the day.

JUST SAY NO
how difficult is it?
On the day I'd suggest taking your toddler out somewhere at the time when MIL would be due to arrive

So your dh wants you his heavily preg wife to drive 1.5hrs each way for an appointment fir his mum, and with a toddler

but if he did it she would have to stay at yours to save dh driving the same distance

seriously

and dh and her other 3 children aka adults can’t manage to sort it

tell him no

Absolutely! He really is an asshole for even considering this was a good idea, let alone enforcing it!

Also, I would not be taking a toddler to an appointment (can’t actually tell if it’s a medical one or not) without the express permission of the person conducting the meeting. It’s rude and distracting.

Your husband is a massive asshole. He should not have allowed you to be put in this position.

You need to have a very firm conversation with him. Stop allowing yourself to be treated this way. Worst case scenario, MIL misses her appointment. So what? She’s a mentally capable adult with a job, not an invalid needing urgent care. She needs to take responsibility for herself.

OP, does MIL come from a culture in which it is normal for the DIL to move in with the husband’s mother and look after her?

and all this crap about “my hsnad will think it’s bad I look after my parents and not his”. They looked after you long before your husband was part of your life. What does he do for your parents?

You don't have to go and get it over and done with though. Not your problem.

You need to feel some anger and take control of the situation. How dare everyone put this on your shoulders?!

Say NO. End of discussion. If she ends up staying then let DH take care of her, you don't have to wait on her or keep her entertained!

But the OP should decide whether she feels able to do this. She is heavily pregnant, went into pre term labour last pregnancy and it's a long journey if she's uncomfortable. It's not MIL's choice.

If your MIL really wants it to be you and values your support then DH could also take time off to look after HIS toddler so you can go and support HIS mother. It’s not unreasonable.

Time off for dependants is allowed. Otherwise to drop off/pick up park idea is really the only option and I’m sure your MIL will understand and be grateful you’ve taken her.

You are very pregnant with a toddler. Why is this all on you?

Have you clearly said to your husband that you cannot do it? If so why isn't he listening to you? Is he like this in all aspects of life?

I cannot fathom why your husband is more concerned about upsetting his boss about asking for the day off to do this himself, than the health of his wife and unborn child. Especially if there were complications last time. Please, for the love of all that is good in this world, don't risk the extra stress! Put your foot down and say no. You hold absolutely no responsibility to do this for your MIL when you are pregnant and with a toddler in tow. Him or his siblings should help, or organise other transport for her.

You shouldn't be doing this, what if you go into labour?

I assume you are an only child, or siblings live far away. so of course you will help your parents as they have no one else, whereas mil has several children who can help with this.

Just say no, risks are to high and the stress could affect baby and your labour so he needs to stop asking

I can't believe your husband expects his heavily pregnant wife - or even of you weren't pregnant- to take HIS mother to her appointment. Tell him to take time off work or to sort it out with his siblings how to get THEIR not your mother to and from her appointment. He's taking the bloody piss about of you.

This is a ridiculous ask, you’re 36 weeks pregnant with a history of baby coming early. Of course you’re exhausted, you’re working, looking after a toddler and your parents, you don’t need to be guilted into looking after anyone else, it’s not like it’s an appt that’s 20 mins away. Perfectly reasonable to save your energy for labour and for when your baby arrives.
She has 4 kids (I think) and none of them can take her? Can’t her non-driving daughter can get a taxi/train/bus and go with her? Potentially she could do this by herself also. If might feel uncomfortable but if no one else is going to put you and baby first then you need to.

Tell MIL to get a taxi

If she really needs the help offer to pay if you want to. She needs to sort these things out herself

What if her husband loses money by taking time off work? He's asking her to do a favour as she's at home it's hardly the crime of the century!

I was responding to another poster that said it was impossible to leave young children with elderly people. Clearly it’s not.

Her parents are ill with their own medical needs father is particularly unwell...and 70 has a wide range of fitness and medical needs including physical and mental what happens if one of the 70 year olds is already caring for the other with dementia and struggling to keep them safe?

You shouldn't be in a car for that long whilst 36 weeks pregnant OP. That should be clear to everyone. Not good for you, not good for your toddler and not good for the unborn baby.

Going forward it's also fine to say your Husband and his family are responsible for MIL. It's natural that you feel you have some responsibility for your own family - but you can't be responsible for everyone. If your husband wants to step up and share the responsibility for taking your parents to appointments etc than that changes things.

Having a vagina does not make you the default carer for both sides of the family!

juggling work/pregnancy/appointments and worries... burning out slowly.

Op you have done your bit up to now but as you get closer to the due date its becoming too much to ask. Now you need to take care of yourself, your baby and your toddler and your family should be considerate of that. Your DH, MIL and his siblings have other options.

You need to have a clear conversation with your husband.

You need to tell him that you cannot take her to the appointment, even if she comes to you first. You need to tell him that your MIL, him and his siblings need to sort the appointment as you have enough on your plate right now.

It needs to be clearly shut down and made clear that it's not your responsibility to sort. If it's too hard to say face to face but it in a text message- but it shouldn't be hard to say this to your husband as surely he knows the difficulties you have with your pregnancy, previous pregnancy and toddler.

People can expect all kinds of things. What is possible and practical for the other person involved is not always the same thing. You have done her a favour in taking her and bringing her home. That is sufficient.. I doubt a toddler would be allowed in to the actual waiting area/ consulting room anyway. I am a MIL to 2 fabulous young women. I wouldn't dream of asking either of them at 36 weeks pregnant, or with a toddler, to take me anywhere.