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Paid childcare

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Original poster

Paying Grandparents for part time childcare

59 replies

104c · 31/12/2022 17:26

So, hypothetical question here as we aren't pregnant just preparing to TTC this coming year.

My mum has said a few times that she would give up work once she had her first grandchild (I'm an only child) to care for them about 3 days a week. She's in a well paid job she gets paid by the day but doesn't usually get work every day its random when she gets called (like bank nurses). She HATES working and always has, the field she works in is getting harder and harder to work in, and she wants out in the next few years before the stress makes her ill.

I couldn't afford to pay her 3 days a week of her usual wages (like 150-180 per day) as that's more than i get paid per week but couldn't afford nursery either. So me and DH would do compressed hours to get a day off each and DM would do the other 3 days which is what we have discussed so far. We wouldn't be considering TTC if my DM hadn't made this offer as we know it wouldn't be responsible as we couldn't afford it, so her doing this is making us having children actually possible. We would take a full year shared parental leave so DM would start caring when DC was 1.

What do you think is fair to pay a grandparent who cares for a grandchild 3 days a week and is voluntarily giving up a job to do so? My dad pays enough to cover their living expenses so what she earns is just fun money.

I was thinking when the time came to pay for all her petrol for the month so she can take DC anywhere she likes without being out of pocket and then cover all her own travel too, to do about £200 on supermarket reloadable card a month for the shop near her house (mostly for her own shopping but also just in case she ran out of something small for DC). Then maybe £100 cash for herself too? And then I'd cover things like soft play or baby groups she took DC to. We would provide all food and nappies etc and if DM came to care in our home (she said she'd do a mix of both ours and hers) we'd feed her too obvs.

What do you think is fair? Am I being a CF or planning on paying too little? I Darent TTC until I can definitely afford to pay for everything as finances stress me too much.

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milkymeg · 31/12/2022 17:44

Also if she wants out of that job she needs to do that for herself. That's not on you

Africa2go · 31/12/2022 17:44

We've did this (not because we couldnt afford it but because grandma day care was preferable) and paid her close to what we'd have paid a nursery. We did it for 10 months, that was always the arrangement. You need to work out if you can afford a Plan B because you never know what might happen - illness, change of mind, twins, birth issues.

milkymeg · 31/12/2022 17:44

You need a rock solid Plan B. She could change her mind, have a change in health or circumstances or you might find her overbearing and regret it. If you definitely can't afford a child without her on two incomes I'd assume you will be entitled to some help- check the entitledto website. I earned 19k as a single parent working FT but was entitled to a lot of help with childcare. It was really tough to survive on it even with the help but if having a child is that important to you then you can do it, but def make sure rather than relying solely on your mum

Original poster
104c · 31/12/2022 17:41

Yes this is something that worries me too but if I want children I think its a risk I have to take. She's been saying it for years and I also want to help her get out of the job she hates.
I get quite generous annual leave so wouldn't be an issue to book off holiday or take dependent leave when my mum wanted to go on holiday or if she was ill etc. And I wfh so can be fairly flexible if mum needs to leave early or feels unwell. I think its about as good as I'm going to get tbh!
There are 2 childminders in my village, 1 is retiring next year and the other is more expensive than the nursery. Even with tax free etc we couldn't afford official childcare for that much time every week until they're 3 and get the 30 hours unfortunately:(

OP posts:
upfucked · 31/12/2022 17:40

What happens if your Mum is ill for 6 months?
What happens if you aren’t happy with the care she is providing?

If you are preparing to TTC you need to find alternative childcare - look at tax free childcare and saving hard now to cover until free 30 hours come in and if you able to get 15 free hours. Include cost of child benefit. Make you need to consider moving to a cheaper property.

CaramelizedNuts · 31/12/2022 17:39

I wouldn't get into this with relatives.

Once you pay it changed the dynamic of the set up. Ie would you pay tax and pension? What happens if she's sick ? Would you pay her ?
It would require a lot of compromise.

On compressed hours how will you and your H both do this with a child. This means longer day for you both you have to be present for your child at start and end of day - obviously! But for a 1yo that can mean finishing work earlier rather than longer hours. Not saying it's not doable but for you both to do it needs working out

2reefsin30knots · 31/12/2022 17:36

I think it sounds reasonable as Plan A, but that you need a rock solid Plan B that you can afford in case it doesn't work out or she changes her mind.

Pippylongstock · 31/12/2022 17:33

It is so tricky to rely on parents help for childcare but it sounds like your mum is happy with the arrangement. Why not talk it through with her? The more you can have a shared understanding of expectations the better. Also discuss what happens if she is sick, when she might want to go on holiday?

RoseslnTheHospital · 31/12/2022 17:33

What happens if your DMs circumstances change sometime between you getting pregnant and any resulting child turning 1? It seems a bit risky to rely on one specific persons ability to care for your child.

Have you factored in things like child benefit, tax free childcare payments, into your cost calculations? Also, a child minder may well be cheaper than a nursery.

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