Paying Grandparents for part time childcare

Just as another point I thought you had to be registered as a childminder to be paid for childcare so you might want to check what the threshold is.

Grandmother here. I take care of my grandchildren whenever needed (holidays, vacation of daycare/school, sick child, datenight for parents etc.etc.) Never offered money and wouldn't accept it - but to be fair DH and I don't need it. We buy diapers etc. and provide food for our grandchildren when they are with us. One child often with us (lives same town), two children occasionally but for longer stretches (living abroad). I guess it's different for each and every family, but this is what works for us 😊

I'd strongly recommend not doing this. I did the same thing and it was a source of stress for years. DM wanted to retire early as hated her job. On the plus side, I didn't have to worry about being 5 mins late for pick up like you do with a nursery. The kids were happy. On the downside, DM started off asking for a relatively small financial contribution, but this increased rapidly until she felt she needed what I would otherwise be spending on a childminder. Given that I was a low earner at the time, a single parent and DM was also tutoring other children while mine were there (so mine didn't have her attention), it was stressful a lot of the time.

In the end I moved away from the area for work - I could have stayed there and commuted but tbh the fact that DM held so much over me in the form of childcare (which I had to be grateful for despite paying for it) was one of the main reasons I thought it better to move and deal with childcare on my own.

Nursery is a better option as If the GP’s are ill /want to go on holiday you’ve got to cover them.
If I’d offered to look after my grand children I wouldn’t want paying.

How old are you OP ?

You said she’d be caring for them until school but The expensive bit is really only until they reach 3yrs. At 3 you will qualify for 30hours free childcare. Will your mum be ok only being paid for the extra 6 hours (if you even need that?)
also have you checked out all the info on the govt website around childcare? There are certain tax benefits for grandparents providing child care I think. Another thought is that it’s likely you’d qualify for the tax free childcare but that has to through an approved provider so it is possible you’d end up paying your DM more than you would a nursery….

Don't forget minimum wage is more than hourly childcare from registered childcare in 90%or more of the country....before you take of the tax free 20% with many charging £5 or so an hour.

You need to have a conversion with her about how much she wants to be paid and then decide if that works. Strangers on the internet can't work that out for you. It will probably be fine, plenty of us use grandparents for childcare, school runs etc. If anything had happened to our parents we would have worked something else out, but it was all fine. Can't believe people think 2 years nursery fees are needed in savings before having a child, most of us don't have that!

DMs current job is working with young children and those with SEN

I'm intrigued how she can be so well paid as working in this field is usually notoriously badly paid!

Anyway I would agree maybe to her doing a day or 2 days and use a childminder too (usually cheaper than nursery). Then you have a back up. A child minder might work out a similar amount tbh as they don't usually take them on days out.

God no! I know a lovely mother of my friend, she helps with all her grandchildren (6) way more than most and she couldn’t commit to a 3 day every week until her grandchildren turned 3. May be ok the first year, then terrible 2s hit, toddlers are exhausting and I’m 36. Just no!

Have you siblings that might have children?

I think instead of paying for fuel, supermarket cards, entertainment etc I would just pay a flat rate. £40 a day maybe, though I've just pulled that figure out of the air. Essentially, I'd want to pay significantly less than a childminder or nursery. And you would pay a childminder or nursery their fee minus 20% with tax free childcare. Don't forget you're doing her a favour too!

You, your DH, your DM and DF need to have a conversation to set our expectations of this before the baby is on the way. There seems to be a confusing overlap of wants. It can work really well, so long as you are all on the same page. Things I'd be wondering:

Your mum wants out of her job, fair enough, your dad earns enough to cover them both, great. Why isn't she leaving the job now? Why wait until you have a baby? Is it that she actually does need an income and is relying on you paying her after she leaves her job?

Is the situation going to be grandma babysitting grandchild, or your mother providing childcare? There's a big difference. For example, how much say do you want to have in how they spend their time, what they eat, when they sleep, where and how often they go out? If you want to be in charge of all of that, it's childcare and you are paying for it. If your mother is in charge then surely she's just babysitting and you don't need to pay except to cover expenses.

If you are going to pay your mother as a childminder, what about tax, NI, paid leave? What about insurance for her in case she is responsible for your child having an accident?

Finally, what's your dad's part in this? It's your mum offering the care, partly in her home, is your dad also going to be there? Does he ever work from home and need quiet?

In terms of payment. For babysitting I'd provide the baby's food, nappies, etc, and cover costs. For childcare, I'd pay half of the going rate. If you pay more than half, you may as well get professional childcare so that your child benefits from socialisation with other children and professionally trained supervisors.

OP what is the combined salary currently of you and dh? What is your mortgage/rent? Posters can probably advise some help with this knowledge

My Mum provided part time childcare for my sister. She was as fit as a fiddle, strong, capable and a fantastic grandparent. Sadly she was diagnosed with cancer in her early 60s with no symptoms. A routine mammogram picked it up and when they scanned her it was everywhere, literally everywhere in her body. From diagnosis to dying was less than 3 months. To say this was a shock is an understatement.

You always need a plan B. Your Dad could become ill and she needs to care for him, she could be injured in a car accident. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.

Not wanting to sound unkind, but you may want to have a bit of a re-think about when you have dc if you can't afford nursery fees. We left dd with dm 1 day a week. She was similar to your mum at the time, in her 50's and fit and well. There's no way I would have asked her to do more than that, it's full on looking after small children. There's also the issue of if your dm is ever unwell or on holiday. 1 day is much easier to cover than 3.

Reasonably young*

For the love of god can we have a bloody edit button

I would have a conversation with your mum and honestly discuss all the situations - money, holidays, what happens if she changes her mind (E.g. notice you'd need to find a childcare place).

My MiL has our DD5 and DD3 one day a week (school run only for DD5) and has done since I went back to work when my eldest was 1. We offered to pay her but she refused anything and anytime circumstances have changed (having our second child, her income dropping when she fully retired, when she was unwell with covid for months) we have rediscussed the plan and offered to pay her/make alternative arrangements for childcare e.g. extra day at nursery if she didn't want both children, taking leave when she was ill and planning for alternative childcare to replace her childcare day if her covid illness had continued beyond the 4 months it did.

If your mum is early 50's and you're only early on in your career, you must be reasonable though, mid 20's? Would you be better to wait a couple of years, get more established in your career, build up some savings and have a higher paying job to back to? Then if your mum takes on childcare and it works, great, if not, you're not up shit creek.

I think you need a couple of years nursery fees saved if the arrangement with your mother doesn't work out, as you have said you wouldn't be able to currently afford it and you never know what might happen

Yes -this. If you're young enough to progress up the career ladder before having children this will be much easier.
Also, don't underestimate how much looking after small children can take out of you. Maybe your baby will sleep through the night at an early age and be a model toddler. Or maybe you will be permanently exhausted, your brain will turn to mush and it will take all your energy just to do your existing job especially if you are working compressed hours, never mind thinking about promotions. And, if your mum is already doing 3 days a week childcare, you wont (or shouldn't) use her as a babysitter to give yourself a break.

Look at tax free childcare. Childminders are cheaper than nursery as well.
My mother in law always talked about how she would help out with childcare one day a week when my dh and I had kids. When it came to it she she said she didn’t want to it as it was too much of a commitment, but didn’t mind one offs now and then. I’m pretty pleased now as we have very different parenting styles and views so worked out fine.

She might be healthy now OP but that can change or heaven forbid she gets hit by a bus. Yeah, it might not happen but you to need to be realistic and think about the what ifs x

Please be careful. My mum offered the same to us and in the end she stopped as she had forgotten how intense a 1 year old is. Look at childminders - are very reasonable and take the 20% government discount. It's great if she really will but you need a plan B.

Your five year plan could be significantly disrupted by one if not two ml. Could you wait another five years?