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Original poster

Paying all the childcare - really upset

37 replies

hasitreallybeenthatlong · 31/12/2022 14:42

Recently separated from partner and "co-parenting" he has DS 3 nights and me 4 nights. He pays £130 child maintenance and that's it, he has said maybe in a few months he could look to pay more but can't now. However I pay £800+ a month childcare and apart from child benefit am not entitled to anything it just seems so unfair over the next year I have to pay £9600 and ex pays £1560 then there's everything on top of that I'll have to foot the bill for I'm just really saddened at why should it land with me to pay we are both responsible 50/50 so why when it comes to finances is this not the case. I'm not entitled to any other benefits and I'm just feel so down about this whole situation. I'm also driving DS to and from mine to ex partners when I do the drop off which is 1 hour 30 round trip because he has no car ! Please can you share how this works for you and your ex partners!? I need some hope.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 31/12/2022 15:12

Tell him you're going to cancel nursery on Monday- Tuesday as those are his responsibility.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 31/12/2022 15:10

Drop him off on Sunday, pick him up Wednesday don't pay for childcare Mon or Tuesday, it is up to him to arrange that where he is. Going forward though if he has him Sun/Mon/Tues morning he might argue that he has him more school mornings so applications to school should be local to him.

Hairyfairy01 · 31/12/2022 15:10

He needs to work out how he is going to pick up / drop off his son. If you were feeling very kind you could arrange to meet him half way or something, but it's really his issue. Your ex should surely be paying the childcare for 'his' days when he has him. Presumably your son goes to 2 different nursery's / childminders? You pay yours, leave it to him as to how he will pay his. £130 seems very low, is he on minimum wage? What is going to happen when your son starts school? How are you planning on sharing custody then?

RandomMess · 31/12/2022 15:09

Yep the maintenance covers the extra day & night you have to provide a home for. It does not include food/clothes/activities/childcare for his Sunday-Wednesday!!

Get 2 separate contracts with the childcare provider- one for your days and one for his.

imalreadygone · 31/12/2022 15:06

hasitreallybeenthatlong · 31/12/2022 15:04

He has him Sunday to Wednesday and he's in full time childcare. I've put it to him and he said he's trying to get money together in a couple of months but in the meantime I'm footing the bill it just happened like that! I have moved back to my house out of his house, the 130 he pays is what it says when you do it through the CMA website. It's just upsetting that all these things fall automatically to the mum like sorting all appointments all arrangements and he literally just gets to pick him up and have a lovely time.

He needs to pay for Monday and Tuesday and possibly Wednesday with you if that's a day you pick up from nursery?

If he doesn't want to do that then find tell him you'll take your child out of nursery those days then

Original poster
hasitreallybeenthatlong · 31/12/2022 15:04

He has him Sunday to Wednesday and he's in full time childcare. I've put it to him and he said he's trying to get money together in a couple of months but in the meantime I'm footing the bill it just happened like that! I have moved back to my house out of his house, the 130 he pays is what it says when you do it through the CMA website. It's just upsetting that all these things fall automatically to the mum like sorting all appointments all arrangements and he literally just gets to pick him up and have a lovely time.

OP posts:
Aquasulis · 31/12/2022 15:04

Court 50/50 agreement financial provision

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/12/2022 15:03

You may be entitled to help with your childcare fees if they make up a large portion of your income.

How much does ex earn? Put his earnings in the CMS calculator online and see what the result is. If it says you should be getting more then go via them.

RandomMess · 31/12/2022 15:01

He needs to pay for the costa on his day, so if he uses daycare then he needs to pay for it.

Hairyfairy01 · 31/12/2022 14:59

No real advice OP but that sounds shit. Does the childcare cover just the time period your DS is with you, or with him as well? Who decided on the amount of maintenance he pays? Did he move away from you or did you move away from him? Either way he needs to take some responsibility for picking up / dropping off his son. Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

Swannning · 31/12/2022 14:59

Well for a start, stop the driving - how he gets your child is his problem, not yours.

How does the 3/4 nights work? If he is having him Fri/Sat/Sun then there is no childcare on those days, but if he is having him say Mon/Wed/Fri then the childcare should be an extension of his time so he should pay.

Original poster
hasitreallybeenthatlong · 31/12/2022 14:56

Bumping for traffic

OP posts: