Nanny time off for her DS

I think it's reasonable you are frustrated with her wanting the time off for things her husband can do. She should have saved her annual leave.

You are unreasonable to think you get credit for giving her pay rises over the years she's been working with you.

If she said she would call in sick or leave then i would let her go.

There are other nannies OP.

Sounds like she is no longer the person you need for the job. That’s not your fault or her fault, it just is what it is.

Usually when the relationship has broken down like this, as evidenced by the threat of 'using sick leave' it will be possible to make a 'compromise agreement' the terms of which would be subject to a NDA (so no wingeing in public) to effectively buy your way out of the contract.

Much easier than the alternative and frees you up to find someone who suits you better

The offer of a lump sum and all the time in the world to attend these 'firsts' may be attractive to the new mother.

Good luck.

The threat of using sick leave is a total game changer. That shows someone who is prepared to be dishonest. She should have arranged her annual leave better AND she needs to get a grip that not all activities are essential.

We had a long term nanny wanting a lot of time off, our solution was to reduce her days and hire a second nanny in a job share arrangement. It works quite well as when one nanny cant make it we call the other one. Sometimes no one can but at least there is a back up.

She's not a casual worker who can pick and chose her shifts. If she wants the perks of your employment arrangement she should be fulfilling her end.

Is she through an agency? Could they introduce you to someone to do casual days for her? I'd ask her to arrange her own absences as well to save work for yourself.

It's hard to change Nannies but she's shown you where her job sits in terms of priorities.

She is being massively unreasonable. I'm surprised you have to ask really. The whole point of employing a nanny is so that you can go to work without worrying about childcare - if you're having to take time off to accommodate her child, then the nanny isn't fit for purpose!
I would absolutely allow time off for nativity and parents evening at school but not the rest.

No one can take on a job and then expect complete freedom to do all the other things they would prefer to do at the same time.

Understand how she feels but it’s not your concern. If she can no longer fulfil the requirements of the job, you need to find someone who can.

Very difficult and I can understand that as her child is now in reception these are his "firsts" that she doesn't feel able to miss out on.
However, she has a job and responsibility to you and your family. You are perfectly reasonable to say no although as an employer a parent is allowed a certain amount of "unpaid leave for parental days" so I would try keep track when she takes these. I would go down the route that if she "calls in sick" that you give her a written warning. I am not sure that you can just dismiss her for one wrongdoing. Keep them all down; write to her and if you let her go then you've got evidence that the working relationship has broken down.

If this is extra time, you are within your right as an employee to decline. I would clearly document all these times if she does in fact call in sick and start looking for alternative childcare.

As other posters have said if she in a different career she wouldn’t be able to take time off as and when.

I can't believe she told you she was going to call in sick! What was she thinking?

I think what you have said to her is more than reasonable. She doesn't want to miss out on these things but she has too as she has a job. If she wants to be a SAHM then she can go to everything at school.

If she was working anywhere else (office, shop, hospital, school etc) she would have to abide by her employer's terms & conditions. This would probably mean that she couldn't have all the time off that she wanted, unless as annual leave (but even then, only if convenient to the employer). So why should working for you be any different?
It seems that she is trying to take advantage of her good relationship with you. She should have saved some of her annual leave to cover these occasions - just like other parents do.

Anybody who threatened me with ‘calling in sick’, to get what they wanted, would be working out their notice. Completely unacceptable.

No, you can't just give an employee of 3 years notice and employ someone else. You'd have to go through a disciplinary process, following correct procedures.
Asking for time off to go to a child's school events isn't really a basis for dismissal, is it?
Possibly if the nanny calls in sick and the employer can prove they weren't, that might be grounds for dismissal - but would probably only warrant a warning.

I think you need to have a chat with your Nanny and point out if she wants to attend events at her DC school then it must come out of her holidays. You cannot accommodate lots of days off or half days off outside of holidays. I would say you have already been generous accommodating both Nativity and Carol Service. I would say no to craft event and if she takes time off you will terminate her contract. Look for an Aupair.

If she threatened to call in sick then the relationship has broken down. Dishonesty, and/or the threat of it would be a dealbreaker for me.

I'd say, based on my own experience, that - sadly - your nanny has got too used to your generosity. And now expects certain things from you that are unreasonable.

We had very similar with our (very lovely) first nanny, who worked for us for 8 years. Ultimately she started getting resentful because we couldn't/wouldn't accept some of the things she wanted, and she thought we were massively unreasonable for not giving in to her demands. As we both had very full-on jobs, often involving international travel, we simply couldn't accommodate her - she knew that, but was still pretty insistent.

You need to sit down with her and talk it all through. She has to understand that her job is to look after your children, and that on that basis, they do take priority. That's not to say that she can't do other things with her children - but those things have to come out of her holiday time (seven weeks is incredibly generous!), and only if they fit around what your children need/are doing. If she thinks that's unfair, then she's in the wrong job, I'm afraid.

7 weeks plus extra and now she wants more?! That's insane! Have the boundaries become a bit blurred in terms of her feeling more like a family member than a paid employee? I think I'd just have to say that I couldn't agree to all leave, but would try and accommodate what I can, taking into account that I'm paying for a nanny because I need a nanny to care for my children. If she chooses to leave that would be sad. I doubt she would find anyone else willing to give her all the extra time though.

Why can’t the op give her notice? Surely she doesn’t have to be stuck with someone who isn’t fulfilling their job role, until they decide to leave? It sounds like if the nanny isn’t given time off, she will just call in sick. That’s not sustainable in a nanny/working parent relationship.

If she's otherwise reliable and you want to keep her, I would sit her down and have an honest chat about her and your expectations for the future.

Then let her have the 2022 events off unpaid, as a good will gesture (if possible) and going forward whatever you agreed on.

We all would like extra time of work but it doesn’t work like that. She should have planned her annual leave better. YANBU. I would put my foot down. If she starts calling in sick to go craft time etc then l would confront her about. Maybe it’s best if she leaves with her current attitude