Back to work after baby - how would you do it?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Having legal insurance means, should her employer not allow the OP to return to work as per the law, she will have the ability to take legal action.

Something like one woman in five have problems, and there is no legal aid available, so having insurance before it happens is essential.

Other posters have raised an important point - if your baby is vomiting at the work nursery how do you plan on getting them home?

If you instead go for the CM, who is there when you at work go pick your child up if similar happens?

There’s no way that commute is fair on a young child. The day will be far too long and the practicalities of doing it when they are ill (which you can expect to happen monthly in the first year) doesn’t bear thinking about - 1.5hrs when they are projectile vomiting or feverish would be hell.
You want them as near to home as possible. Babies are easy, 3 year olds aren’t.

I’d request 9 days in 10 each with 1 office day and use childcare nearer home. Our nursery is 25 mins drive from home (used to be 10 mins but we moved and love the nursery) which isn’t ideal but 30 mins would be my max.

It’s worth trying the sums on slightly part time too. I dropped 7 hours a week and found that because we then got child benefit and I dropped a band for pension contribution, plus a day less childcare the net difference wasn’t very much compared to full time. I couldn’t have dropped any more.

No she said it's a short drive or half hour walk.

@confusedlots - the OP plans to use the work nursery for the 2 days she’s in the office then a childminder in the next village (still half hour drive away) for her WFH days.

But if you're only in the office 1 or 2 days a week, it wouldn't make sense to put the child in the office subsidised nursery, because you'd have to be travelling there on the days you're WFH just to get them to nursery??

I think you need to find childcare closer to home and keep your days in the office down to 1 day a week. Does your partner work closer to home than you? What is your plan if you get a call from nursery/childminder to say your child is unwell and you have a 2 hour commute to get to them??

Find out about the school before and after school clubs now - also think about holidays.

(the time will fly!)

the nursery - do they give the toddlers dinner? If they do, then it might be easier.

Re what you need to take - friend who commuted with baby was a lot more organised than I would be for a day out - from what she did - you’d need a buggy you can fold in one piece and can go flat for naps, have a sling on you, so if you have to fold the buggy you can pop baby in easily without having to juggle putting that on and then folding.

Don’t be tempted for 2 bags - one big rucksack for both of you, with possibly a crossbody clutch size for your essentials (purse/phone/keys) - keep stuff in your desk at work.

you’ll need a raincoat with a hood, because commuting with a buggy and an umbrella is just not going to be easy. Possibly ear defenders for the tube for baby. (It can get really loud on some lines)

do you have colleagues who are doing the commute with a baby/toddler now or have done recently? I’d ask for an honest assessment of how it works.

Try the nursery, but organise your finances so you are prepared to switch to a childminder if it’s a nightmare. Do you really have to bike? Experiment to see if there are quieter times or routes.

Try and limit it to once a week (can you reduce your time in the office slightly?)

talk with DH - if his work can’t agree to some home working or 10 days in 9, I’d want him to look for another job - else you will end up doing all the baby managing. Don’t fall into that - be equal partners.

BTW is his work near enough to do the commute with you when you have the baby?

There is no way you'll be able to commute 1.5 hours with a baby/toddler. It's pretty unfair on them too, they just need dinner, bath and bed after a busy day at nursery.
DD 19m would be livid if I tried to bike her across London then on to a train for 1.5 hours after nursery, she'd be ratty with tiredness and hunger, cry her eyes out, then probably fall asleep ruining her night time sleep. Where would you feed its dinner? Nursery generally does a light tea like a crumpet so they still need a meal at home.
I'd find a local childminder where DH can drop off (most allow 7:30am start) then you could start early, finish early and pick her up using your chariot or walking. You'll then have every other Friday with her. The only downside is the cost but it's £50 per week for a lot less stress and a happier baby in a foot settled routine.

Remember you'll be entitled to Tax Free Childcare which effectively gives you 20% discount if you use a registered childcare provider. It helps a bit!

Before i had my DD, i had this idea that i would commute into central London with her, leave her at the nursery near work (Civil Servant but not on Parliamentary estate so not the HoC nursery) and then pick her up and come home.

Once she arrived, from the age of 3 months, she basically puked every time we went in a car or on a train longer than 1hr (and we take a 2hr train every couple of months to see grandparents). So it was just out of the question. I also REALLY appreciate the commute now as quiet me time to read a book or listen to a podcast or just sit with my eyes closed without a 16month old being attached to me 😅

We have organised ourselves by me dropping a day (my choice, i love having a day a week at home with her), then i do 2 days per week wfh when DH goes into the office, and he does 2 days per week wfh when i go into the office. Whoever is wfh does the nursery run, leaving the other person free to do the long commute. DH's company had noone working from home pre covid but agreed to him doing this.

The nursery costs you have are amazing so i see why you want to take advantage - we are in z3 South London and it's £80per day for nursery, childminder a bit less but not so much.

Depending on your family income, might also be worth looking at whether there is a local nanny / agency? But usually pricier so we discounted it fairly early on.

I don't understand this point.

I commute 30 mins with my baby 3 days a week and sorry to say it is awful. Any longer and I’d actually crack up.

Have had incidents where the trains are down and we end up on a bus in terrible traffic her screaming 🤪

the train with the buggy is hard and all our stuff (laptop, nursery bag, lunch etc) there’s no lift so I end up having to take her out and carry buggy with one hand, backpack on, and her in one arm

then when you get on you need to fight for a space for thr buggy

i wouldn’t recommend 🙈

Honestly? I would move house or change jobs.

Commuting with a baby in tow... no way.

You can't take baby with you to use the work nursery, it's WAAAY too long a day for the poor baby, so you will need to find local childcare and your partner will have to do the drop offs and pick ups on the days you commute to the office.

And yes of course he should also ask to work 9 days in 10 so each of you should alternative work/childcare on Fridays.

I'd go for a local childminder for the full four days (love the Fridays off idea but I'd swap that to Mondays so you don't lose out in bank holidays).

Having a local CM all the days means if you get a day off you can still use CM, dh can do drops/picks up if he gets the chance.

Presumably a local CM will also then do drops/collects at the local school so thats a bonus as you'll want that full time when they are at school.

Commuting child free means you can actually get some downtime yourself - read, do an online food shop if you need to, work if possible etc.

Ensure you have family legal insurance before you try to return to work. Just in case your work are less than respectful of the laws....

likely an unpopular opinion but would you/could you move into London and use the office more and the nursery more?
We decided to move into London after baby was born so we could see DC for meaningful time at the start and end of each day - commuted when pregnant and realised I couldn’t leave the house at 0630 and arrive back after 7pm and still expect to see DC at all.
I would give my right hand for a subsidised outstanding nursery place.

The difficult issue seems to be no childminder in your village combined with long commute - which will make things trickier once you are dealing with school. (If you take a year off until your baby is 1 then only have 3 years of this set up before you need to have the next plan in place).

if realistically you will look to move once you are trying to juggle work and school to a different village or into a local town, I might consider doing that sooner. Several friends juggled a really tricky preschool set up, then moved to make things easier for school to houses that would have meant they could have had an easier preschool care set up if they’d done that earlier.

worth factoring it in and having the conversation early!

(id commute in with baby and use work nursery.)