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Original poster

Is it ok to leave baby with grandparents to go on honeymoon?

120 replies

Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 10:58

11 month old dilemma

Me and my husband got married in March 2020, just before Covid hit and closed everything off. So we rebooked our honeymoon like three times so as not to lose the money. At the end of the third booking we had to cancel as they’d upped the costs by an extra £3000 and as both of us were on furlough still we couldn’t afford that so we cancelled. We only got half our money back and the rest the airline kept so we had to book another holiday by January 2022, which we have for June 2023.
We didn’t quite expect that I’d get pregnant quite so quickly after trying and welcome our firstborn in July 2022. However we can’t afford to upgrade the tickets to accommodate the baby as well and as it’s our honeymoon too to Disneyland.
Its booked for 18 days and my parents are completely fine to have him for those many days, but I’m worried as an 11 month old he’s not going to be happy and going to miss us too much even with video calls every day.
Is it better to just lose the £2500 and book somewhere around the UK to take him with us, or would he be ok with the grandparents?

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Derbee · 16/10/2022 00:48

Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 21:05

Only because I don’t know how a 11 month old may react. I’d rather not go if he would become too distressed at us going

Well then it’s beyond idiotic that you’d even ask if it’s ok.

GettingOrganisedNow · 15/10/2022 22:17

Personally is find that too long. He'd probably be fine, but I'd just be unsettled the whole time. Plus I'd rather not be so far away from a baby that young.

Is there any way you could get some money back from the holiday and even use it to go somewhere closer to home for a week? Or pay for your parents to go with you on the understanding that they take the baby out each day?

AdriannaP · 15/10/2022 22:06

OP at 11 month my LO had very bad separation anxiety and cried non stop when he was separated from me, even hours at the time (never stopped crying). I wouldn’t go personally, babies grow up so quick and right now you are his universe and he needs you! Can’t you take him to Florida and have a pool/beach holiday? Shouldn’t cost anything to add a baby to the booking.

Timetosayno · 15/10/2022 22:03

Gosh I wouldn't leave my baby/kids for 18 hours let alone 18 days. I hate leaving them even to go supermarket

ChickinMarango · 15/10/2022 22:02

The longest I’ve spent away from my 4.5 yr old is four days, my 10 month old, 20 hours. Spending any longer than a few nights away from them would be hellish. It’s a personal thing and I think you’ve answered your own question.

We did take my oldest to Disneyland at 10 months (and Disneyworld at 15 months) and she loved both though!

roarfeckingroarr · 15/10/2022 21:57

@Shmithecat2 1 week is v different to 18 days - for parents and baby

Shmithecat2 · 15/10/2022 21:56

Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 20:28

I have had separation anxiety leaving him with husband whilst I go food shopping once or twice and i would honestly rather the money lost because I can’t bear to be away from him at all. Now or when he’s 11 months old

Only just read this. Don't then.

Shmithecat2 · 15/10/2022 21:55

I looked after my friends 6mo for a week when they grabbed a week long overdue holiday. We all survived very well. Go for it!

roarfeckingroarr · 15/10/2022 21:54

If you're going to Disney for the rides and stuff, it won't work with an 11 month old in tow. You'll never be able to go on at the same time.

roarfeckingroarr · 15/10/2022 21:53

18 days is a long long time to leave a baby.

Original poster
Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 21:05

Only because I don’t know how a 11 month old may react. I’d rather not go if he would become too distressed at us going

OP posts:
drpet49 · 15/10/2022 20:42

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2022 13:34

I can't even imagine considering this, never mind doing it.

This. 18 days is far too long.

Maireas · 15/10/2022 20:35

Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 20:28

I have had separation anxiety leaving him with husband whilst I go food shopping once or twice and i would honestly rather the money lost because I can’t bear to be away from him at all. Now or when he’s 11 months old

There's your answer.

Original poster
Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 20:33

Ok?!? Not what I asked, but I’m breastfeeding until 10 months anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Demacrexsigma · 15/10/2022 20:28

I have had separation anxiety leaving him with husband whilst I go food shopping once or twice and i would honestly rather the money lost because I can’t bear to be away from him at all. Now or when he’s 11 months old

OP posts:
Suedomin · 15/10/2022 16:48

18 days is a very long time to leave a baby and a long time to expect anyone else to look after him. Are your parents really ok about it or just saying they are to make you happy. Can you go for a shorter time?
However only you know your baby and how you think he and your parents will be.

SunlightThroughTrees · 15/10/2022 16:47

Why would it cost so much to add the baby to the booking? Under twos don’t even need their own seat, you can take it in turns having them on their lap during the flight.

In answer to your original question, I think it’s far too long to be away from a baby if it’s avoidable. If you were, for example, in hospital then yes, baby and grandparents would just have to muddle through and cope but it’s not something I’d do by choice. The baby will miss you desperately and won’t know whether you’re coming back. It’s a long time for grandparents to look after a baby that’s missing its parents; it would be hard on them too.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 15/10/2022 16:44

I’ve never been away from our 2 for more than a week and they’re 16 and 14!

it’s a very long time, and a huge amount to ask of your parents too.

I’d either have a shorter honeymoon or take your lo with you.

JenniferWooley · 15/10/2022 16:41

I left DDs for a fortnight when I went on honeymoon - they were 2yrs and 6mths old.

They divided the time between both sets of grandparents & it doesn't seem to have had any lasting effect on them.

But then I left DD2 overnight at 2 weeks old as my parents had a big anniversary party that had been planned for over a year.

Sleepovers at grannies were a regular thing throughout their childhood, their grandparents houses are like second homes to them even now at 22 & 20 as they spent so much time there growing up.

crumpetswithjam · 15/10/2022 16:37

boogieboogie · 15/10/2022 15:49

Hi OP, there will be people on here telling you they wouldn't do it etc etc, but who cares what anyone thinks! go away and enjoy yourselves, everyone will be absolutely fine!

Said by someone clearly clueless about attachment theory.

SummerCarnival · 15/10/2022 16:31

expandabandband · 15/10/2022 12:55

My parents did this when I was seven months old. Genuinely, it came up a lot in therapy, and I would see it has having a big impact on my relationship with my mother.

Although you could argue that this was because I had the kind of mother who thought it was OK to leave a child for two weeks when they were that age.

Okay, I'm all for people not leaving their baby for 18 days.

But it's been bought up in therapy because probably decades ago, your parents left you for 2 weeks to go on holiday?

I call bullshit

SummerCarnival · 15/10/2022 16:27

I'd go, but not for 18 days. That's a really long time to be away from a baby. Yes they'll be fine, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Id cut the trip short. Go for a week somewhere sunny in Europe or something so you're only a quick flight home and it's not for so long.

ClemmyTine · 15/10/2022 16:10

I would have my grandchildren for that long, and they would stay with me with no problems.
Get your child used to staying with your parents and go.

Take no notice of the nay sayers.

Maireas · 15/10/2022 16:01

It's not about "never letting go".
It's not bad parenting to want to be with a baby rather than holiday on a separate continent from them!
I never had parents or parents in law, which meant that mine were never left with anyone until much later. They then turned 18, went off to university, very happy, and managed to be capable and independent adults. No issues.
So don't worry if you'd rather not, OP. Your choice.

DevaleraSpawnOfSatan · 15/10/2022 15:59

Sorry, but hell would freeze over first.

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