A bit of an upsetting thread but please let me know your thoughts.

I would give her a second chance too. As some have already said, she has probably learned a whole big lesson after this episode and it will make her a better nanny. Seems like she is perfect in every other way apart from this.

Hope you are able to sort it out.

Was the white spirit in the corner of the window ledge behind a curtain? I've left a bathroom spray there before now, and not noticed it when the DS's are in the bathroom. An accident.

Leaving the child in the bath - hmm, difficult one. I do leave my two in the bath (to go to the loo, grab PJ's or a towel)- they are nearly 4 and 18 months. I wouldn't leave the 18m old unless the 4 year old was in with him. Having said that, I probably would cross the landing to grab a towel, but then that distance is probably less than the size of some bathrooms. I would only leave them where I could hear them - I can tell instantly if anything happens. However, completely hypocritically, I would be upset if anybody else did this. I know that I can listen to them and know if something is wrong. DH can't. I can hear from downstairs from the tone of voices if they are happily playing or fighting. DH can't even hear if they are screaming.

Do you think that your nanny has that sort of 6th sense? I suppose she wouldn't say if she was any further away than 'getting a towel' but I agree that if you have her back, you will have the worlds most careful nanny. I'd probably give her a second chance TBH.

should also say I mean by supervise remotely - I can see her via a mirror from right here !!

dd 2.5 is in the bathroom next to me as I type this !! very close can hear every splash - she is singing "12345 once I cought a fish alive !) I don`t think leaving in the bath is always bad - only you know the layout of the house and therefore how safe to supervise remotely it is .
Understand you are upset but the house should be checked for things lying about . I do a twice daily "sweep " even at this age as DH still does stupid things like leaving cooker with pot handle lid overhanging etc .
The white spirit being left is not really her fault though she should have done her own "sweep" before leaving the room .
However we have all made errors and alzone says she handled it excellently ..
Hang on to her ..

As a nanny myself i wouldn't leave a child of 2.5 in the bath alone even for a couple of minutes. I am guessing your poor nanny is probably feeling really guilty and upset about what has happened and i do think you should talk to her about it.

I think you really need to talk to her in person and find out, in detail, exactly what happened - why was he in the bath alone, what was she doing, did she see the white spirit, was it open or closed (my children have been known to get the childproof lock off a bottle of Calpol and swig it at a similar age )

I think talking to her will give you a better idea about how to proceed from here. The fact that she didn't cover it up speaks volumes IMO, I doubt she'd do it again whereas with a new nanny you'd be starting from scratch from that point of view. Difficult one though, I really feel for you.

Oooh no belgo, I was just saying (badly) that I agreed with you .

Being honest I have left ds in the bath just to get his towel or something or get his jim-jams ready. Could this have been how it happened with the nanny (rather than painting the picture that she was downstairs reading grazia or something).

FWIW ds has sprayed Mr. Muscle in his eyes right in front op me and dh so accidents can happen anywhere to anyone.

If this is a one off occurence with your nanny then I would reconsider your suspension and have a sit down giving her clear guidelines etc

sorry vanillapumpkin - I haven't actually read the thread

Yes, that was my point too Belgo.

actually maybe this incident has given her such a fright she will actually be a better nanny because of it.

I agree.

I used to be a nanny and I was ultra careful as I would have hated to have to tell their mum something had happened.

I don't know. I used to leave my ds alone in the bath for a bit when he was not much older than this, but I would NEVER have done it for more than a second with a child I was nannying for. It's a different thing entirely, to me - as someone said, as a nanny, it isn't your risk to take.

I think to be fair, if she had seen it, she would have moved it. Wouldn't she?

She shouldn't have left him on the bath alone for a couple of minutes, and she should have seen the white spirits - an open bottle! - and removed it. Thank God he didn't drink any.

You've done the right thing susspending her - accidents do happen- but this one probably shouldn't have happened - I simply can't get past the fact that she must have seen the bottle of open spirits (after all the two year old saw it!) and still left the child alone with it.

I also thought the bath was empty. Was she bathing him with water in, left the room for something, and he managed to reach the shelf to get the bottle?

If yes to everything

1. She should know better than to leave a child alone in the bath. What was she doing?
2. Why did the decorators leave it with the lid off?

I do feel she should be given another chance. Everyone is happy with the work situation and she did the right thing by showering him and phoning 999.

I would talk to her.

I bet she is scared of what is going to happen.

i would say a bad thing to happen all round, but i cant see it really being anyones fault.

i would say it depends on her reaction to it, if shes as cut up about it as you are then i would be happy to discuss how she would make sure thingsl ike this never happened again and then have her back. if shes not she doesnt have the bond with your kids that she needs!

QS - if someone lives in your house, isn't it healthier for your children if they are a friend, rather than just strictly an employee?

Was it the friend she has become or the childcarer who left your child unattended in the bath?

Hard to say, but you should not really make good friends with your employees because it makes the distinction between friend and employee really hard, the lines become blurred.

If she wasnt your friend now, you would know that the correct thing to do was to dismiss her on the grounds of gross misconduct.

I am more with harpsi on this one... I am not perfect with my kids, and would only expect a nanny to do her best. Very unfortunate that the bottle was there, and open, but no lasting harm done. It seems she handled the emergency well and did not try & cover it up in any way - which would have been truly dreadful.

I would vote for patching things up - especially as you and the children seem to get on so well with her. She will be super careful in future!

It isnt as though she was Mumsnetting though or downstairs where she couldnt hear him!

The bath probably wasnt so full, she had gone to get towels and PJs and kept talking to him while she was gone!

I think the issue here is that a bottle of white spirit was left open, where a child could get hold of it.

When I was about 2 I was left alone in the bath for a minute and while my mother's back was turned I took a swig of shampoo! Well it smelled of something nice so ... . Unfortunately these things do happen and none of us are infallible.

Personally I think it is fine to leave a 2.5 yr old in the bath alone for a few minutes. Mine are in there now!

It could have happened to anyone and I think you should invite her over for coffee and talk about the situation.

She will never make the same mistake again and handled, what could have been a devastating situation, brilliantly.

she obviously loves your children dearly. What would you do if it had been your Mum who had been in charge?

Have her back! She sounds lovely.

(Just hope she hasnt gone somewhere else for another job!!)

My biggest problem with the situation is if there was water in the bath. If there was water in the bath, then I would consider leaving a 2 yo risky and I would not let such a person look after my child.

To me, actually, the white spirit is quite a separate issue and an accident. I would think a decorator, unless he has had active hands on experience of looking after his own small children would have no real concept of what monkeys little children can be and the things they are able to do if they really want to. I would honsestly not have thought it was realistic to clear all their stuff out of the reach of small children every day. It was stupid to leave the lid off the white spirit, but I think I might expect this sort of thing.

I am sympathetic to how you feel and I am sorry for you and your DS. I would say leaving a 2 yo in the bath with water in it for 2 minutes is grounds to dismiss a nanny. Again this is without taking into account the white spirit, which is a more complicated problem which I don't know the answer to. It is a horrible situation overall, especially as you like and trust this lady and perhaps feel what she has done is only human.

leaving a child that young in a bath alone is unacceptable. i would not do it and i def would not allow someone who i paid to eb with my child while i was at work to leave him in the bath unattended. my gut feelign is thank goodness he only tipped white spirits over himself and nothing else happened.

i think you need to assess if you can trust the nanny to never leave him unattended in the bath again. if you can then you need to talk it through and set firm ground rules as to what she can and can;t do no matter how small an issue it may seem. if you feel you can;t trust ehr anymore then a full and frank discussion with her explaining why you can;t trust her and give her notice.

hope your ds is ok.