A bit of an upsetting thread but please let me know your thoughts.

I was all forgiving her another chance etc till I got to her storming out - now I'm wondering exactly how long she left your ds alone in the bath for etc etc. What a shame. Do hope you get sorted soon.

TDWP - I think her reaction has spoken volumes. You need someone who is responsible and accountable to look after your children and she's proven by storming out that she's neither.

Horid situation and I hope you are able to find someone else soon.

Sorry- I did not read all of this in time so my reply has been a bit untimely. I think you "suspending" her, and not communicating with her straightaway has been a big mistake. She has obviously felt you did not find her worthy enough to have a decent chat with her when this happened, completely ignoring her feelings and situation, and that you don't trust her. I think you have burned down the bridge and best to move on- your nanny will probably will never feel the same towards your family...

The white spirit should not have been left in reach of the child. In my opinion leaving a 2.5 yo in a house environment for a couple of minutes is not a big deal. (I have a 3 yo and a 4.5 yo) Good nannies are very hard to come by these days and it seems like both your family and the nanny has developed a wonderful rapport and invested a lot in what has become a good, trusting relationship. Considering everything I think it would be wrong to blame the nanny, you could have been in her shoes too. I think it is best to learn from this and move on. Talk to your nanny, let her know how you feel, and let her do the same as I am sure she must be distraught! YOu would be punishing yourself as well as her if you let her go. You need to look at the bigger picture and see if she is worth keeping...

Just for your info: I left a bottle of nurofen in my 3 yo's room one night (gave her some, at 3 am, I was all sleepy), without closing the lid properly. She drank most of the bottle when she woke up in the morning and I had to take her to the A&E at Worcester. Nothing happened, she was fine. I did kick myself, and I am still kicking myself for letting this happen however I learned from it. We moved ALL medication and such out of their reach now, and I feel better for it. (Again FYI overdose of ibuprophen is not nearly as dangerous as overdose of paracetamol)

Crikey!

I was reading up the thread thinking "accidents happen....a meeting will be really good for everyone to go through what happened and how to make sure that never happens again..and move on".

I think your case demonstrates how important reflection and a little formality are. In all truth, I might not have suspended her....and would then never have found out how immature, defensive and therefore less likely to take on board experience she was!

I think you have handled this really well.

Well, my comments are irrelevant now as it looks like you are finding someone else, but just to say a friend of mine's child had an accident while in her nanny's care. The friend took her back, because she persuaded herself (for all the reasons other posters have put forward) that thsi was the right thing to do. She found howver that she just couldn't trust her again or feel comfortable about the situation and ended up having to sack her anyway. It sounds a horrible situation and one that I am sure those of us who use childcare are thinking 'there but for the grace of god...'

Ah, I wondered if she'd got the bravado from her mum's presence.

Hope you find someone else very soon, TDWP.

did she bring her mum?

I think she stormed out of embarrassment tbh

She sounds pretty immature. And also like she knew she'd done the wrong thing. Massive guilt there, I reckon.

Did her mum come with her?

hope you're writing a blow by blow account

how odd

Shit, TDWP

Why did it go so badly?

I must be an odd one then. I have never left either of my children in the bath alone at that age, not even for a second. Its not a risk im willing to take.

Ive seen my dd slip backwards when I have been standing right there and although I pulled her straight up, she was terrified.

There's nothing to do that couldnt wait until bath time is finished. The white spirit is another matter entirely, I would be more bothered about the bath. My mother slipped in the bath when she was in her thirties, slashed her head open on a tap, and nearly knocked herself out. It wouldn't be hard for a child to do the same if they suddenly decided to stand up and reach for something!

nor read the whole thread sorry, BUT just to reassure you....my ds now 15 drunk a good half bottle of white spirit when he was 3 and hes perfectly fine! no side effects atall.

i hope you sort things out with your nanny and IMO i think you should give her another chance,

you sound like you really care for your nanny,hope your meeting goes well take lots of tissues(i used to be a nanny and yes i left kids in bath to grab towels ,pjs)would always get them to sing though!!!!.

Health and Safety for Childminders and Home Carers - a course I was due to attend through my local council! They cancelled it, but there ARE things out there. Contact your Early Years training team. I also have a book of Home Safety - it's by Which? but I picked it up in a charity shop. Just little things like correct locks, glass types, etc.

I'm a nanny and as the kids I look after have a bath right after dinner sometimes they run up and little one will jump straight in before I have chance to dash up after him (I am loathe to leave dirty knives on the table so do a 2 min sweep of dishes into the sink before scrambling after him... there's no way calling, "wait for me!" works when he's on a mission to jump in with his older brother!)

At 2.6 they're pretty independent and can sit up straight, and although I am very very scared of leaving him alone in the bath I admit, even as a nanny I have grabbed something from the next room while he's in there. That is all it would take to knock over a bottle - if he slipped, for example, I'm sure enough that I'd hear the bang and be in there scooping him up before he'd had chance to blink. It's just that tipping a bottle over doesn't make a sound.

It does seem to be a case of "these things can happen" but you can bet she will be on the look out now and is probably just as upset as you, and beating herself up as we ARE aware of the responsibility we have looking after someone else's children. I think you need to have a heart to heart with her, she will probably have taken stock of things she will now do differently to prevent anything happening.

Even nurseries and schools have accidents occasionally, and the incident book will be reviewed and procedures put in place to stop this happening. If you really feel she was guilty of gross misconduct, then you are right to give notice, but if you think it could be the shock that something happened, then you have also done the right thing by having a "cooling off" period before you assess whether the incident is forgivable.

Don't worry, either way you are being fair by giving yourself time to calm down and think about how you feel. This allows you to separate the incident from your relationship in your head and let you see things clearer. I hope you can chat to her and come to some kind of conclusion - the fact that you two are close could also help ou both say exactly how you feel about it and help move you forward. That is a plus for a good working relationship. Good luck.

I would be inclined to trust her more as a result of this, not less, but depends how she feels about the incident as well as how you feel about it. If she has been a nanny for donkeys years and nothing 'scary' has ever happened in her previous jobs, she may have taken her eye off the ball and I would be inclined to think she will NEVER let any harm come to them ever again. She also seems to have coped with it exceptionally well. I can imagine someone inexperienced just washing away all the evidence and hoping for the best, especially if the turps were poured into a bath, and were therefore 'diluted' anyway.

Saying that, I would ask her very carefully where she was and why... if she had nipped to another room to grab a towel that is one thing, but if she was downstairs putting the kettle on or chatting to the postman, I'd be inclined to be less understanding.