No grandparents for childcare!

Pay for it like most people have to? It you can't afford it, you stay home to look after your kids.

Paid for a childminder, paid for an au pair, paid for out of school club, swapped childcare with other school mums.

DH and 1 were never less than 2 hours away from my parents or his so manged pretty much by ourselves. Mum did willingly step in a few times and MIL would have done if we had been closer.

Oh OP MN isn’t the greatest place for this question you will be eaten alive so please ignore some people. You will be told it’s your choice to have kids and GP shouldn’t be expected to help etc blah blah blah. But that doesn’t help when 95% of people I know have some support (childcare occasionally on weekends etc)
, it’s hard not be jealous at times.

Where in realistic terms it’s not about the free childcare it’s about having a support network. I dropped my hours so I work part time and use an amazing nursery the rest of the time. We don’t really have anyone we can rely on which was hard when expecting our second child try to work out which friends could pick them up or who could have them over night if needed.

It’s stressful and you don’t get any time as a couple, my eldest is now 6 and my partner and I still haven’t had a meal out together just the two of us. Alittle due to covid and the other my youngest is too young to be left with a stranger to babysit.

It’s completely worth it I promise having kids and look up the 30 free hours and when that would kick in with your cost calculations for nursery.

I have already said if and when I get grandchild it makes me want to be more involved for sure.

Erm, pay for it, like many people have to?

The assumption that if your relatives were nearby they'd provide you with free childcare is pretty entitled. And outdated, as many grandparents are having to work later into life.

What did those of you who didn't have parents/grandparents/family as an option for free childcare do?!

I started a local babysitting circle among other young families. We brought up our children together and babysat for each other ( earn tokens by babysitting a child you know, spend them on a babysitter your child knows) It was still going strong years after my kids grew up and left home.

The original young mums have scattered far and wide since, but almost 50 years later the survivors still meet up for lunch a couple of times a year to compare hip operations and grandchildren.

Pay for nursery or whichever childcare and let the grandparents be just that.

For me personally I would only ever want my DCs grandparents to be just that, grandparents. The type that spoil them every so often or treat them to a biscuit when mummy or daddy would say no because it's nearly dinner time. Grandparents that grandparent and aren't expected to parent while me and OH work.

Went part time (although if you're not married...you mention partner) then I most definitely wouldn't give up full time work as it puts you in a hugely vulnerable position financially.

But DH and I were married already/jointly owned the house etc so I worked three days per week and those three days DDs went to nursery and then once at school, went to after school club on my working days.

Pay for nursery or decide not to have kids or move south and live in a tiny flat.

I think both sets of parents have had a lucky escape if you just expected them to provide free childcare.

Pay for it (lie everyone else); nursery or childminder or stay at home. Whatever suits your family best.

Our bill just went DOWN to £1500 per month. We'll pay that for the next year until DD's funded hours kick in. Yes, we're really paying that out every month and yes, until DD went to nursery we had that money and were using it for other things - travel, home renovations projects, savings, hobbies.

Flexible working, one working shifts and one working with flexible core hours

I've got three children (7, 5 and 2) and we have never had any 'free childcare'. I'm estranged from my family and DHs are abroad most of the time (but do a bit of babysitting so we can go out of an evening when they come and visit).

It's not especially unusual to not have free childcare, I went part time and work and DH compressed his hours to ease the burden a bit. We are not high earners at all, but luckily work somewhere flexible with regard to work/life balance. We pay for the rest of it. It's hard and we have never had a holiday abroad or anything, most of our clothes are second hand etc, but you manage.

Didn't work for 12 years! As wouldn't have been in credit except in a 5-week month so it wasn't worth the timetabling hassles. I did a lot volunteering to keep my skills in hand

It's easy when they're babies/toddlers as they can go to nursery.

The shocker is when they start school. School hours, 9–3, are not helpful childcare wise. In our area of the SE there is a serious shortage of childminders and after-school clubs for wraparound care. It's a massive issue unless you can afford a nanny (which is a significant financial commitment as you must officially employ them with all the costs that go with that).

Nursery

I am currentlybpregnant with my second and will have a csection so my mum is coming over to live with us for a few weeks to help with my older son/ do some nursery runs while I recover but this is the exception.

The vast majority of my friends who have kids have them in paid childcare of some sort I only know of 1 family where grandparents do childcare and in that case it's 2 days a week after school where they pick her up and take her to an activity.
Contrary to what you see on here paid childcarenis far more the norm

4 years of FT nursery at £900/month (plus babysitting if we wanted to go out in the evening), 5 years of wrap around care and holiday clubs (and babysitting), 3 years of holiday clubs (and babysitting). Now ds is 16 and we are finally able to go away for the night together, so we are properly out of the end of it. WFH did make life a lot easier once ds was able to amuse himself and walk to and from school or holiday club

I went back to work 3 days, one of which was a weekend day. DH regular mon-fri.
So I look after dc mon-weds, nursery/childminder Thurs and Fri
DH looks after them Sat
Family time Sun.

Then when they go to school we use breakfast club, so DH drops them off at 7.30 then works 9-5. I work 6am-2pm then do the afternoon school pick up.

And variations on the above over the years. Most people don't have family around to help with childcare

£1200 x 12 = £14400 a year
Say 2.5 years each between mat leave and free hours = £36,000
x 2 kids = £72,000….

You saved £72k for childcare before you had kids?! Even if you saved half that’s (not sure what the word is?) impressive?

We’re not too bad at saving but that’s not a sum of money that would be feasible on our wages.

With my first child I went part time and paid for nursery. With my second child I decided to take a few years off work to be a SAHM. Of course I could have gone back to work and put them both in nursery. Our families live hundreds of miles away.

Yes. We saved like mad whilst I was pregnant and then depleted said savings until our funded hours kicked in this month. I know others whose bill is even more - our nursery is one of the cheapest in the area. The cost is likely to stop us from having a second even when DD starts school as I'm not sure we could ever save like we did pre child plus we have a house that needs renovating that we delayed to have DD in the first place!

I think op is getting a hard time here! It's a very valid concern especially considering the cost of childcare. Surely any of us would love to have willing and able grandparents to help out?! Also kids are so lucky to have a close relationship with grandparents. If I am ever lucky enough to have grandchildren I would love to help out (a bit) with childcare.

Most ppl I know have family who help out. Our mums do a day each per week for us. So grateful for this and we know how lucky we are. We definitely don't expect it. They don't accept money but we buy them nice gifts/vouchers.
The bonus is they have a lovely relationship with their grandchild.

My parents live 3 miles away but don’t babysit for us.

We pay for professional childcare.

Went without. Didn't go back to work for many years as a result. Fortunately dh earned enough to make this feasible.

You pay for childcare via nursery, nanny, au pair or childminder.

I didn’t work because it didn’t make financial sense for me to do so.

my children are teens now but I know very few people who had free childcare from grandparents other than the odd emergency situation.