No grandparents for childcare!

Paid for nursery.

Childminder, both work four days, (different day off), get better paid jobs, only have second child when first is three and will be in school by the time you end parental leave.

We have no family nearby so we paid for nursery. I went back to work part time.
It also means if we have an event to attend like a wedding, we need to hire a babysitter for the day and night.

It's true though. If you refuse to help with gcs you won't build a relationship with them and are less likely to see them when they're older and their GPs are practically strangers. Harsh, but true.

And anyway, the most common response to those threads is "they aren't obligated to do free childcare. They're allowed to enjoy their retirement" etc.

Also, this thread isn't about GPs choosing not to help with gcs, as op moved away from them, so it isn't as if they have an option to help even if they wanted to.

Generally though, I always say plan to pay for childcare. Even if grandparents say they want to look after the babies all the time, in reality, they might not be able to, they might not feel as energetic as they think they will and they might have forgotten how exhausting it is caring for a baby. Or they might suddenly decide they want to move to Benidorm or something. You cant guarantee help from grandparents or anyone else, so have it in mind that you may need to use paid childcare.

By bastard parents had the temerity to die and leave me with no other childcare options. I left mine alone with Greggs sausage rolls and a box of matches while I went out on the razzle dazzle.

Surely most grandparents will be in full-time work themselves - state pension age isn’t till about 67 now.

I have grandparents living nearby but neither set has taken on any childcare role. I have three children and became a SAHP as childcare costs were just too high and difficult to juggle. Where I live in the North most people use grandparents for childcare and it is mostly grandparents doing stuff like toddler groups or doing the school run. It is hard if you don't have that support but I don't think it is impossible just life has to be adjusted to suit.

People are being mean. Sometimes on low wages childcare can seem impossible. DP works 9:00 to 5:00 and I work evenings and Saturdays.

I paid childminders for mine but I have provided three days a week childcare for dd since she went back to work after having dgs. Dgs now gets 30 hours childcare so dd funds any excess and I will do school holidays.

Nursery then school. We managed maybe one night a year out together when in laws would visit

You’ve heard of nurseries yes?

Hi OP, I can only imagine you don't mean routine free childcare for when you're working (as you'll know that most people pay for that, be it nursery, childminder, nanny). You probably mean for nights out and nights/weekends away - to have a break from baby.

Well, if you don't have family nearby that is pretty tricky. We are both from abroad so have no family in the country. A couple of close friends who were also mums were very helpful in offering to babysit every now and then, but for overnight trips away we didn't leave our DC until he was 2 or so. Again with close friend.

It's a bit different from the many threads where OP complains about "selfish" grandparents not providing free childcare/babysitting on tap and everyone says ah well they'll get their comeuppance when they're elderly and you don't look after them.

Paid for it, both sets of Grandparents are within five minutes of us but I only ever ask them occasionally if they can help out with ad hoc childcare I wouldn’t want them to be tied down to regular childcare.

I started a business that I could do from home while still being able to look after the kids. The only other option is to pay someone else to do it.

Same here. We paid for childcare and would take turns to go out, as the other would stay home with the children.

I think many adults do, and move house to be near parents in the expectation they'll provide it!

Some of us didn't, and paid our way.

If you are lucky OP they might help in the holidays.

People are pretty harsh on this thread. At least op is thinking about how childcare will work, some people don't consider anything

You don't seriously think that most grandparents spend their time minding grandchildren?
Lots of Grandparents still work too.
Some of my children grandparents live very close by, never entered my mind that they would be minderw for my children.
Fair enough they often visit, maybe go watch children matches, bring them to shop ect. But it if they available or don't want to do it not an obligation.
If I was going away or night out they could offer to help out otherwise I would get a babysitter usually would try a babysitter first.

We are quite lucky that IL live close and enjoy spending time with the kids and see them often. However its whenever they wan't thing so usually on an evening when they have finished doing the things the want during the day and they go on several holidays a year, have bad days due to getting older etc... so they would never be childcare for if I wanted to work.

As for what we do I'm at home so I can watch the kids, we simply couldnt afford to pay for childcare and I wouldnt want to work full time away from my kids busting my ass everyday just to hand all that pay check right over to someone else who got to spend that time with my kids.

I make money here and there through part time self employment and DH works full time.

If you can't work out the basics like this, are you sure you are ready to be starting a family?

You are going to have much more complex things to work out than 'how can I ensure my child is looked after when I cannot force my relatives to do it!'

(In no way implying that those whose parents do childcare for them have forced them, this is very much aimed at the OP who seems to think that its standard to get them to do it)

Adjusted/my working hours and took the financial hit that way rather than paying for childcare.
My husband came in from work and I left for work 10 minutes later.

There will always be some degree of financial sacrifice when you have children

This is a wind up, surely!

Lots of goady threads today, is there something in the air?

I’m not really sure what your question is OP, you obviously know people have to pay for childcare, so I’m going to assume you mean either:

• How did you manage to afford it when you don’t have grandparents helping at least 1 day a week?
• How did you manage to deal with unexpected issues eg child not being allowed to go to nursery because they’re ill, childminder being sick, your train home at 5pm being cancelled etc?

For us, we were in a position to afford childcare comfortably, but I think the main thing you can do is save in advance, make sure you use any government benefits you’re entitled to eg tax free childcare, and think about reducing your hours if it’s worth it for you, or maybe working evenings once they’re in bed some days if agreed with your employer.

For emergencies, I’d love to hear what others do, as I’m sort of hoping to rely on grandparents. We have agreed with our cleaner that if they’re not available and she is free, she will watch him for us, but she’s only available for half days here and there so not a reliable solution. I’m vaguely hoping I can find an emergency nanny to be honest but know not everyone can afford that.