No grandparents for childcare!

Pay for it like normal people

Obvs this is a wind up

Lovely!

SHOCKED that the OP hasn't returned

Just to mention my mum had a whole array of trusty babysitters for us when we were small, usually neighbours teenage kids (think 17-19 age group) they were all lovely and mum treated them like gold dust, always ordered a take out before they left, paid them well, walked them home, always brought them home food from chippy etc.

@IcedOatLatte no real particular reason, I've no history of past trauma etc. I just don't like the idea of it, plus dp has strong feelings on it. My oldest goes on sleepovers to friends houses so I'm not like a complete weirdo thinking all others will harm my kids. I think I just don't like the idea of having a stranger in my home while I'm out, or my kids feeling awkward at a strangers home ... either way it doesn't matter why I feel this way as me and dp are introverts by nature so we don't really feel like going out in evenings so the lack of sitters has made zero impact on us.

According to previous MN posts I have read, there is a section of MN that believes any adults who want to spend time looking after children and are not related to them are paedophiles.

One poster once went as far as to suggest that an auntie who has toys in her house for her nephews and nieces, but no children of their own, must be a paedophile.

Why would you never trust a stranger? No one is suggesting you leave your children with randoms off the street but it's perfectly normal to have non family baby sitters ime

Don't statistics show that most children come to harm from family members?

I only let grandparents/family babysit my kids, well besides Crèche & school.... same as op our respective parents/family live other side of country so kids stay with them for a whole month during summer (during the month they'll have sleep overs at their aunties houses etc.) Our families have a full itinerary of activities they want to fit in for the month, my kids adore it, it's the only time they see family... but outside of this month we have no sitter, I'd never thrust a stranger & wouldn't ask my friends as I'd feel like I was imposing so me and dp make the most of that child free month, do date nights etc. As we know it'll be a full year before we are childfree again... we don't normally use any annual leave during this time though as we save this for when kids are back with us as we like to have a family holiday abroad .... anyway I don't pay my family to take them as they look forward to having them, that said I give my kids money to spend on days out etc.

Why would you assume your grandparents would have done it for free? No one should work for free. They deserve payment. Also, perhaps they have their own lives and have no desire to be your free nanny.

Plenty of people have no family help. Plenty more will stand up for themselves and tell their selfish children to pay for their own childcare like proper adults.

I took time out of my career and paid childcare costs like everyone else.

You can't do this and claim working tax credits (or something similar). I did this without knowing and got a demand to pay £5k, even though I'd only saved £500 through the childcare vouchers.

Built them a bungalow down the end of the garden. Birthed cute baby. Couldn’t keep the buggers away. 😁

Paid for childcare from when they were 9 months old. Nursery then childminder.

Also don’t forget to check out the childcare voucher scheme through work. This works like salary sacrifice but has to be spent on childcare. Any employer should be able to set this scheme up. And if you both work you can both salary sacrifice. Any saving for big child care costs is worth if if you can get it.

Gave up work for a few years and sucked up the skintness.

well we … Did it ourselves.
then had the odd babysitting night that we paid for

then nursery and did daytime dates.

HNRTT but to try and be helpful possibly stagger start finish times if two parents work to help with cover. Similarly stagger annual leave. Good luck.

I’m pretty sure the OP wasn’t talking about daycare for working parents. Never a good idea to use grandparents anyway as this can muddy the expectations on both sides (although some people obviously do have this arrangement and it must work) .
i think for occasional nights out and emergencies I know some friends and nct groups set up a round robin style babysitting club which is great for free nights. Also check with your neighbours if they have children of babysitting age. It’s quite handy if their parents live nearby and easy to get them home after .

No offence but it’s obvious from your thread title you are new to mumsnet 😂

hope you’ve got a thick skin op! xo

We had no help as both my parents died before we were able to have children and my in-laws lived too far away. I know lots of people in this situation.

I don't understand the hostility to the OP's post. Of course, just a potential future grandparent here, lol. And I'll be gutted if my kids don't ask me to look after the little ones one day, hell if I can't spare a day or two a week, what is family for exactly?!? Guess it depends on the dynamic & distances involved. Can't wait personally.

My parents only ever do childcare when a child is sick and i need to go in office or for a night out maybe once a month. Rest of the time i paid for childminder.

SAMH taking a £40k pay cut, do have some earnings from family business and I help in husbands. Little one does get some funding whilst 3 but otherwise if I was working full time my teaching salary would go in congestion charge, fuel and nursery

Hmmmm I think I've already said this scenario isn't about me. We don't have help but that's due to death (which I don't think I can really blame my mum for) and distance.

But you're right of course. My dcs don't have the strongest of relationships with a woman they've never met (as she was dead before they were even conceived). So thank you for your sympathies there. You're clearly a very sweet person, bless.

As I've already said, I can just empathise with other people and in some of the threads another pp was jeering at, I (ALTHOUGH I AM NOT IN THE SAME BOAT MYSELF), can see why some people say it will come back to bite gps who by choice do not help when it's needed. In some cases. So, I'm not sure why that pp took a swipe at those threads. You don't have to be the same as someone to be able to understand their position.

I hope that's clear enough now 🙂

Re. nights out. A group of parents, about 6 of us, made a baby sitting club, where we did evenings for each other on a very informal rota. It was much better than nothing.