Childminder's Club: How ill is 'Too ill'...Broncitus??

well done KMc

very difficult situation for you though KMc

MI ok sorted

Nonono, Kangamummy, I wasn't taking offence, honestly! Sorry, I worded that VERY badly. It was the mum I was cross with.

While I would never send dd to nursery (or to a childminder) if she had a temp or diagnosed bronchitis, I can see where Maudy is coming from in wondering if this woman is under hideous pressure somewhere. Not excusing her then placing pressure on you KatieMac, but it must be hard dealing with prem twins on your own, and working in a sector where you know that if you are off, colleagues have to cover for you, or your pupils get a supply teacher.
She is extremely lucky to have a childminder like you KatieMac, it must help her enormously.
I take a lot of advice from dd's nursery nurses about dd specifically and child psychology in general and would expect to do the same from my childminder! You're the professionals

Hi KM, it's Tuesday morning and I'm wondering how it'll go for you and the babies today.

It is hard being a c/m, a lot of my friends think the kids just play all day,they don't realise the planning and worry involved!As all parents know,when under 5's get on it's great, but when they don't it's the hardest job on earth (apart from being a parent).

And there is a fine line between not accepting certain things in your home and wanting the minded children to be happy and comfortable and "feel at home".I suppose everyone has their boundaries and every day bring new challenges .

I am also a mum who totally relies on my childminder and I think she is the most wonderful person in the world. When my DS1 is feeling a bit poorly she offers to have him home from school for the days so he can have a quiet day at home (I have never accepted this offer as I am a bitch from hell and my kids have to be on deaths door before they stay home from school!).

I just wonder how difficult it must be to bring up prem twins on your own whilst holding down a teaching job. I agree that she is probably taking advantage of you and that if you are unhappy about the situation you should definitely make her aware of it, but she must be under some considerable pressure to 'cope' to behave in this fashion. Maybe she seeks solace in her work, or feels she can't cope on her own with sick babies? I have no idea but it's just a thought. Does she seem down to you?

I don't think you've ever got the right to tell someone how to make organise their family life or child-rearing, but you do have the right to tell them what you want when it comes to them being with you.

So if they want to take their kids out in a vest and pants on a winter's day, you might not be able to say they shouldn't, but you do have the right to tell them that you won't take them out without coats, warm clothes and hats, for example, and that they must be provided.

That's quite an easy one, but a more difficult one is if they swear in front of the kids, so the kids swear in front of your kids, which may not be what you want in your home. Again, you don't have the right to tell them not to swear in front of their kids, but you do have the right to expect your children not to be exposed to that. So I'd suggest you have the right to discuss it with them! And if you can't come to a compromise you're both happy with, you have to part company, as ssd suggests.

That's just examples, but I think its true of anything - if you can't agree on issues which to both of you are really quite fundamental, then neither of you are going to be happy. I went to see a childminder recently who had the TV on all the time. Lots of people would feel they could compromise about that. I didn't. That's my bottom line. On the other hand, the childminder I've chosen doesn't cook proper lunches, just has sandwiches or beans on toast. I find that perfectly acceptable, lots of people wouldn't. It's really what both parties are happy with.

That's a hard one KM.....

I haven't came across any really difficult situations yet, but I think I would always follow my instincts.I would be as reasonable and sympathetic as possible,but if the parents totally disagreed with me then I'd suggest they would be happier with a different childcare arrangement.

I just know there are certain things I wouldn't do with my children and whilst I know not everyone parents their children the same,if the differences were fundamental then the arrangemant with me as thier c/m wouldn't suit anyone.

Hope this makes sense,to be honest I think the fact that you were originally shocked/surprised this mum left her poorly babies with you lets you know exactly how you feel about it.......

I think, even in my capacity as a p/t childminder it's all a learning process,maybe if another mum came to you with sickly babies you would use your (excellent) judgement diffferently.

And I think the fact you've been so concerned about the babies shows what a caring c/m you are.

I think they've got every right. At the end of the day, you're self-employed, not anyone's employee.

You could just turn around and say bugger off (not that I'm for one moment suggesting that you would or should) and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

And depending on the terms of your contract, (and I'm sure you've put stuff in there about illness) I'm sure you probably do have a legal, as well as moral right to tell her her kids have to stay at home.

KatieMac, you're nice and this mum seems to take advantage of it. I'd put my foot down if I were you.

I'm also one of those mums who loves to 'palm' of dd to the childminder for some peace and quiet, but if dd is really ill, with a temperature etc I most definitely keep her home no matter how 'inconvenient' it is. Luckily I don't care whether my boss was happy about me taking the odd parental day before I had ds but hey... kids come first.

I'm lucky though that my childminder wouldn't really mind taking dd when ill assuming she's not too much of a handfull needing heaps of medication etc.
Saying that all the mums there have agreed that we're happy for the cm to take a kid with chickenpox etc. so we get it 'out of the way'

No Kmc

I think you were just being kind as it would have meant her coming out again with them both.

How far was it to go?

Are they coming tomorrow?

BTW my comments were not aimed at you but at parents in general.

Sorry KMc this is your thread and I should not be ranting on it

sorry

sorry MI I didn't mean all parents were like that

It is just what happens sometimes

And it is very difficult to explain to some parents that their children's health and happiness should come before work meetings etc.

BTW I do not mean that against any Mumsnetters just ranting

If my childminder tells me she can't have the inferiorettes I listen to her and take them home, at whatever inconvenience to me. It's her job to say no!

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KAtiemac, is this outlined in your contract? Does it say if kids are contageous, or if they require a certain level of attentions, etc. If not, it may be worth adding a section in your contract just so you'll have something to fall back on in future.

In this particular case, it seems you've already endured the worst of it, so it might not actually be such a burdon tomorrow. You may even want to go ahead and take them, but explain to mom that you are doing her a speacial favour and that you can not in future promise to provide this level of care.

How was your day KMc?

I hope you don't have to have them tomorrow.

I think the some parents have to also realise the amount of emotional pressure that is put upon childminders to take children even when we don't want to because of the inconvienence it causes them if we don't.

We get told they have important meetings that they can't get out of, a conference that they are giving a presentation to, they are in charge of taking children on school trip.

There are endless numbers of reasons that parents come up with to put us under pressure.

I really hope that your day went ok KMc and that tomorrow is sorted out.

Did you get to the library opening?

Don't let her make you feel bad aboutit if you decide not to have them tommorow KatieMac. It sounds to me like you have been more than generous in taking them today when they are so poorly - I know I would have said no. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you.

Lisalisa make s a very good point. If I were the parent of another of your children and my child came home with bronchitis, I would be mighty unhappy with you. As a business owner, you have an obligation to provide a safe and healthy atmosphere for all of the children. and, allowing two young one coughing their bronchitis germs around is hardly supporting that obligation.

Must admit, however, I don't have any idea whether bronchitis is contageous. So my view obviously assumes that it is.

And what if you caught bronchitis. Then, you couldn't work. And then how much money would you lose? Obviously, single teacher mum wouldn't be able to make up your financial loss. I assume this is a risk you aren't really willing to take.