Dislike MIL but she's offering free childcare

Your toddler won't learn to stay with you and not run if you keep him in as soon as you do go out he will be off....I'd start with reins and play stop and go ...walking together say stop stand on one leg, (jump 3 times, tickle wave etc) then go stop etc ..make it fun and silly then they will think stop is part of the game your baby will learn it from the pushchair and join in. The last thing you want to do is chase that makes it a game. Once he's doing it with you on reins take them on in a safe place where you can say no it's stop your out come back. You can even start in doors

I don't understand why you're paying her rent and bills.

If she has no pension and no income, she needs to apply for pension credit. That will cover rent and council tax and, I think, an extra £9k spending money for food, bills, etc.

I don’t know about the tv, I think I partly feel bad because before I had him I said I’m not going to let him watch any tv. Probably wasn’t realistic but I feel like a bad mum. But have to work as well… I did cut down on my hours to do part time. But still feel guilty.

toddler at the moment is quite bad when we take him out. In other words he would run off so I don’t think anyone would have the energy to chase him including me ( pregnant). So that’s why we keep him in unless I get brave 😅 or husbands home

TV isn't the worst thing in the world @Kardelen , if your DCs are safe and loved. I agree it's not ideal though - could you ask her to limit it a little and make sure she takes them to the park or out for a walk every day? That could be a way to limit it a little and not cause offence.

Hi.

currently my mum and sister looks after my toddler. I pay my sister a little as it’s hard work.
It’s difficult though because he watches a lot of tv with them.
i left toddler with my mil as she said she wanted to spend time with him. But again she makes him watch tv.

now baby number two is on the way. My dh also pays for her bills/expenses.
so worst comes to worse I may have to leave baby number two with her ( she’s happy about this) and pay her a little as she has no job etc.

but I do feel bad inside as they make him watch tv, and most likely gonna make the baby watch too 🥲

I am in a super similar situation. MIL is a bitch and never been kind or accepted me. However, she's a wonderful and doting grandparent. She's great with my children and has watched them both two days a week while I've worked. It's worked well for us and when the boys turned three they've both gone onto preschool instead.
My own parents aren't hands on with my children so I didn't want to deprive them of the relationship with her as she's the only one they have a deep relationship with. They adore her but I'm sure as they grow older they may pick up on the tension between us.

This thread is a few months old - how come it's been resurrected? This seems to happen a lot these days!

Regardless, What did you decide @Sipsupsip ?

Nope. I’ve seen grandparent childcare go wrong far too many times when the relationship is good to ever trust it anyway, but definitely not here.

Nope I wouldn't be leaving my baby with someone I didn't have a good relationship with

Be very very careful. My ex MIL also blamed me for taking away her son but became obsessed with our children. She was a widow, and gave up her part time job as soon as she found out I was expecting. I thought we had put things behind us when I had my first baby as she suddenly became ‘nice’ but it was all a ruse to get a foot in the door again and undermine me. I know money for most of us is tight at the moment but set your ground rules and have a contingency plan, start squirrelling away some family money in case you need an alternative childcare fund. I understand that maybe your hubby helping her financially is a cultural thing but he also needs to put your own family first, make sure he is onside with you.

Drip drip drip..
Mil's opinion of you to your dc if she had unsupervised time...

"She said some very nasty things about me and my family."

If you're happy for her to say these things to your child and do things her way and not yours since you don't communicate, then yes, go ahead.

Personally it would be a no from me.

If you don't get on, I would stop paying her bills and put the money towards a nursery

So now you know why her dc buggared off.
Don't offer up your precious dc to appease an awful woman.
And a sponger to boot...

Reply ' As his/her parents they will love us more than you, his grandmother'

I would do a trial of a day and see how it goes before committing to anything.

You fell out as she tried to pressure you into having a child

well you have a child now. Can’t you try and get on

bur now while you don’t get on she wouldn’t be doing all the childcare - maybe one day

is it normal for sons to pay for mums bills in their culture - can’t she get a job

if she is capable of looking after a baby /toddler at her age - how old is she @Sipsupsip

then she can get a part time job

and dh can stop paying her bills and pay your own of childcare

Honestly? I'd have a frank discussion with your DH that family money needs to go to his family (you and your children) and you need it to pay for childcare. His mother can pay for her own rent and claim benefits if needed. A DH who prioritised his mother over me and refused to change would make me consider the future of the marriage.

If you agree to her doing this, I would lay down some strict guidelines on what your rules are and if she doesnt play ball, the consequences.

A mil I know, lovely woman on the surface, generous and very accommodating with childcare for years but manipulated her only grandson to dislike his parents, has used money to undermine the parents authority over him, eg buying him things they've said he cant have. She doesnt like her other grandchild because they see her manipulation games and so she has driven a wedge between the 2 siblings as well. Quite scary her control over him. Be very careful.

All of the above being said, no way would I be with someone who bankrolls his mother unless there is an extreme reason

I disagree. I think
You can know someone is an excellent grandmother and not like them. I have this with ExMIL. Absolutely cannot stand the manipulative old witch. However she is a wonderful nan, loves the bones of my DDS, and they her.

@Sipsupsip

not a fucking chance!!! DH cannot financially supported 2 households and therefor he needs to tell MIL that she needs a job/benefits/other family to pay.

pakistani or not, you can only afford what you can afford!!

there is no way she'd be looking after my baby.

@Piffle11 that made me laugh!! I thought it might be that you'd misheard the saying, but I couldn't think how to tell you without embarrassing you!

wine earth. I like it!!

I disagree. She will likely be undermining and criticising OP at every opportunity. No way would I want someone so bitter and critical looking after a child of mine.

She may as well do it to earn the money your are giving her.