Nannying = farming out your child - big mistake?

Um ... how old was she when you made changes? 3?
Yes, there can be issues relating to insecure attachment in early childhood, but using a nanny in order to maintain a professional job shouldn't preclude reasonably secure attachment between you and your child as well as between them and their nanny.

The "difficult-teenager-I-always-felt-unwanted-narrative" is not uncommon. I wouldn't have thought that a child who grew up with you around them loads from the age of 3 would have recollections of "feeling unwanted" before then, certainly not to be able to articulate 10 years later. When did this particular idea first surface in relation to any counselling she had? How much did she know about her early childhood, did your former work come up in general conversations or was it only mentioned later?

You have my sympathies. My 16 yr old is currently telling me I've "hurt him badly" but he couldn't possibly tell me how, because "I'll just get angry". So I've still no idea what it is I've done wrong.

This sounds like she's seen something about attachment trauma on TikTok and applied it to herself in a very self centred way. Normal people need childcare, whether that's nursery, childminders or nannies. Your daughter sounds incredibly childish and self absorbed

This.

Weird, guilt-inducing nonsense. I mean she's 17 so that's par for the course. But why are you joining in?

I second what other people are saying here, it looks like there's other issues here.

No one remembers being 2.5.

im a nanny and it’s not ‘weird’ even in London now so it’s sounds odd she’s creating about it really. I hope she gives her father as much grief as she gives you about it, or does she think the burden of sorting childcare falls solely on the wife and mother?

hmmm
many many children are looked after by people other than their mothers to some extent- in fact I'd say it's the norm globally
in most cases it's fine
so unless there was something unusual about your situation- say she was away from you 24/7, or the nanny was negligent, or you had a rapid sucession of different nannies- I'd say you need to look elsewhere for the cause of your daughter's problems

I don't want to invalidate how your daughter feels, but my mother left me with a child minder to go back to work from when I was 6 weeks old. I do not believe I am personally traumatised. I think choosing a one care giver who is looking after her in a home setting is actually one of the best ways (besides I suppose being at home yourself).

Do you think maybe there is more to her saying this? Perhaps it's more to do with what is happening now?

Must not have been a very good nanny then

Does she criticise her dad to his face for her being in childcare?

Honestly I'd say she is picking for things to be mad at, for being mads sake. Hopefully there's a discernable reason behind it.

She sounds very priveleged and entitled.