Nannying = farming out your child - big mistake?

@LowlandLucky what do you think about children who scream and cry about going into school? The ones that take a while to settle? Some are barely 4. Do you think the teachers judge the parents for bringing them in?

Women in the US often go back to work after six weeks, and there are not millions of traumatised people wailing about it.

I call bullshit. She needs to own whatever problems she's got going on and not throw her childhood (which she can't really remember) in your face.

No, you stated your opinion, not 'truth'. Your opinion is nasty, unkind and utter crap and you should be ashamed of yourself. Before you start I was a SAHM so no, there is no 'truth I can't handle'.

This not you then, completely dismissing that children might ever want their dad's not their mum's?!

Some people like to blame others and find labels for their own deficiencies.

I’ve seen this with my SIL. She blames her parents (my PIL) for everything she isn’t happy about. I don’t particularly like them either, but her issues are all her own doing!! She just likes to pass the buck and blame them for her poor decisions when actually she had a bloody lovely privileged childhood.

I cannot believe someone would choose to do a job which they believed was actively harming children. @LowlandLucky who does that?

Agree with this -
she’s found a stick to beat i with -

what’s the REAL issue ??

@Comefromaway away · Today 15:28
She sounds very priveleged and entitled.

I disagree with your comment. She is saying what she felt as a very young child. She must be allowed to say what her feelings were.

Young children are entitled to feel loved, and as it happens she didn’t. I don’t blame the OP either though.

Well that was you- you said children cry for their Mums…. Not their dads?

Where did i say anyone was a shit mum ( note you never mentioned shit Dads) ? I stated the truth but it would seem many on here can't handle the truth.

My mum was a SAHM and I was an awful teen with depression. There is no correlation with the nanny, she’s just being a teen and using it against you

Actually DD didn't like after school care so I gave her the choice. Less nice place to live, no holidays, fewer treats and I wouldn't work.

She chose after school care.

But great passive aggressive guilt installation. Good work.

Don't invalidate your daughters feelings.

Children want their parents' time, not money.

Anyway, you can't change the past now. Work on building your relationship together going forward.

Was she with the nanny 24 hours a day, and never managed to bond with you or her Dad as a result? In which case she has a point. Or was she with the nanny while you worked, and you saw her in the evening when you got home and she knew you were her mum and was bonded tto you? In which case you had a perfectly good childcare arrangement in place and this cannot be used as a reason for insecure attachment (or whatever other theory she's read about). Teenagers don't even do this stuff deliberately, they are biologically programmed to be self centred and therefore every perceived injustice against them gets blown out of all proportion. I'm not sure giving credence to her complaint is actually helpful - it will just make her believe it even more and feel even more sorry for herself which will then negatively effect her mental health.

I had terrible mental health as a teen. It didn't occur to me at the time to blame my mother, who had been terribly unhappy and unfulfilled as a SAHP. Perhaps I should sue her now for not having given me the perfect childhood to which I think I was entitled?

Thanks! My main concern is that I’ll bloody miss him, not that he won’t be ok! He’ll be fine, we all be, needs must- it’s life! I think children are very lucky to be able to have two parents that work hard and value quality family time while keeping a bloody roof over everyone’s head, never mind all the ‘nice’ things we like to give to our children.

It's actually other kids mums who said her early years sound 'messed up' and 'not the way to bring a child up' (referring to nannies)

Sorry I don't believe this for a second. There is no way in hell another mother would refer to using nannies as 'messed up'.

I have sympathy for you. But this feels like a classic I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN teenage strop that is being fed and compounded, potentially by social media and her friends.

No one remembers being 2 and a half. She's pressing your buttons because it's working. Don't indulge it.

Absolutely. Hope that you reported the nursery too, as it sounds like they weren't doing a good job at all.

Quite different from the nurseries that my friend used to work at, which sounded lovely. She was quite happy to send her own kids into that environment as she knew that they would be happy and well cared for.

In any case, the OP didn't even send her dd to nursery, she used a nanny.

I wouldn't indulge this nonsense for a second!

@Skinnermarink You're of course right - I think mums (in particular) feel worse about their children going to childcare than the children ever do - and certainly than the dad's ever do!

@WorkingMumD
My mother died when I was 2 yrs old, and prior to that She was in hospital a lot, so I had various relatives look after me and neighbours.

After her death, I was put into a very brutal day nursery ( abusive and awful) and despite being 2 . Yrs I remember it in part.

However, I’m assuming you chose a good Nanny, and that the Nanny was there only during working hours for childcare-
Also assume you’d have had maternity leave.

What does seem to damage SOME kids is being sent away young to boarding school.

Your daughter sounds like you do care, so she is lucky in that regard.
She’ll just have to accept it..
The past can't be changed.

Ummmm two year olds would also rather be eating chocolate buttons all day, but we don't let them?

They also cry when mum has the audacity to go to the toilet on her own, or take away the sharp knife they've found, or removes the slug from their mouths.

I don't understand what point you think you're making to me? My children don't even remember that age so it makes no difference whether they cried or not. I have never had an iota of guilt for putting them in nursery as the alternative was losing a family income and then ultimately our home.

Children are part of a family. They aren't the sole focus and only important being in that family. Even they have to compromise sometimes, and if that compromise is that they're in childcare then so be it.

Yes, some do cry all day but it if it makes you happier thinking children would rather be in nursery then i hope it works for you.

I hope as a professional you refused to care for these children. What with believing you were involved in actively harming them...

She's using this as a stick to beat you with. Children have been left in various forms of childcare for centuries because many women have always had to work.

I attended a child minder from a young age, as did my siblings, and we are not traumatised.

Looking after her was just as much her dad's responsibility as it was yours - but I bet he isn't being guilt tripped about it.