nanny issue. Starting to feel uncomfortable - is this normal?

alarm bells are ringing here.

My DS always tells me he doesn't want the nanny here and wants me to stay at home, and sometimes tells me he doesn't like her, but i know he is saying it to try to get me to stay at home and play. He is always totally relaxed when she arrives, goes straight to her and chats with her happily, and he also tells me about the things they do together and how much fun he has.

Crying when you leave the house is normal, crying when she arrives isn't. Take a sickie and see how they react.

FWIW my DS used to be like yours with another nanny and all our alarm bell instincts turned out to be right.

Have you spoken to your nanny? Is she concerned? If she's not bothered it would set alarm bells ringing.

If a child hasn't bonded with me by about 3 months or so I would be tempted to have a word with the parents just to check whether I'm not doing something - one former charge just wouldn't nap with me, had a word with the mother and it turned out she'd forgotten to tell me he'd only sleep with his comfort blanket (now a question included in interviews!)

I would be concerened too.

Its kind of understandable to be upset when she arrives as it means mummy is leaving..but its important that they have a strong bond with their carer and are happy when they are with her.

I would pop back at stange times and creep in quietly to see what was going on..I would also try and ask friends of mine who could maybe keep an eye on her covertly at a playgroup she goes to regularly or something...just to be sure!

Im sure she isn't doing anything awful, you just need to check she is giving them as much attention and love that they need during the day (not chatting on the phone or watching tv all day).

Jenna

As a nanny this would really worry me to be honest. The first couple of months with my current two year old charge she did cry and not want to go to me when she saw me as in her mind me = mummy leaving (she even cried when I picked her up from nursery which was quite embarassing!) But by 7 months she was always excited to see me and would come to me for cuddles even if her mum was in the same room.

That would bother me tbh. Do you leave immediately? I could more or less understand the dcs crying when I leave, but not when the nanny arrives.

Any chance of you working from home for a couple of days?

Even if you nanny is competent i think that you could do better. Your dcs deserve to have someone that they look forward to.

Yikes. My old nanny was truly awful - she was foul to my children (they were tiny so they couldn't tell me). I had concerns from quite early on and should have gone with my instincts and got rid of her right away but I waited until I had seen it with my own eyes. By this stage your children should definitely be looking forward to seeing their nanny - 7 months is a long time in the life of a two year old.

FWIW my children adore their current nanny and squeal when she comes in.

Yeah, that wasn't really a very well thought out suggestion of mine. Although I wasn't thinking she look after them, just run them to and from the nursery and may be do extra hour or two here and there.

Anyway, I'm in a real pissy mood due to my own nanny hunt going to Hell. I took one to dinner the other night, who then told me she has decided to stay where she is. Waste of time and money that was!

Does she take them out to any activities. Do you know any parents at those activities? And could you ask them what the relationship between nanny and kids is like when you aren't around?

I think I'd be tempted to turn up unnannounced and see what's going on.

Does she not go to them and give them a cuddle when she leaves?

I used to be a nanny and the children should be at least okay with her. How is she with them when she arrives in the morning and leaves in the evening?

My AP went away for Christmas and came back after nearly 3 weeks away on Wednesday and my ds (aged 16 months) ran to her and was so excited to see her even though she has no responsibility for him as he goes to a CM. She's only been with us three months as well. I've a had a Nanny that my kids didn't take to (they were the same age as yours) and I sacked her - turned out she used to scream at the kids and just dump the baby in the cot all day long. I personally would trust their instincts as I did but it doesn't make it any easier when dealing with the Nanny does it?

eleusius - nursery not really an option, I need the flexibility of a day nanny, and mine are too young to be left with an au-pair

legalalien - they just ignore her when she is going out the door, rarely even bother to say goodbye

How can I raise it with her? Don't want to say 'my kids don't like you'.

How do they act when she leaves? DS cried every morning on our nanny's arrival, for about six months, largely because he didn't want me to go to work. But he was equally reluctant to let her go home at the end of the day (not crying, just wanted her to stay as well as me), so I wasn't too worried about it. any time I've come home unscheduled they've been having a great time.

Golden, what about sending them to nursery (since they like it) and maybe getting an au pair for the childcare run?

I agree. I would be concerned. I have a similar issue in that my kids don't seem to want to spend time with current nanny. But she is due to leave in a couple of months anyway. So, I'm just going to ride it out.

they should definitely adore her by now ... Can they tell you anything about their day with her?

I would find that worrying, I`m sorry. They should be used to having fun with her and be happy to see her.