Nursery or nanny

lol @ frannikin dd's nursery is packed with mature staff, many of whom have been there years! the local parks are packed with early 20 something presumably unqualified (at least in childcare anyway) eastern european nannies! you really can't generalise.

That would be a plus point for a nanny in my book - you can choose your nanny, you can't necessarily choose your nursery staff.

Also you're more likely (but obviously I'm generalising) to find a more mature and experienced nanny than you are to find a room of mature, experience nursery nurses because the vast majority of nursery nurses I've met have been under 21 and newly qualified (DCE/BTEC) or still in training (NVQ/similar).

It sounds as if your personality and the personality of the nanny suit one another well, and that she'd rather be an emotionally valued part of your household than get more money somewhere where she isn't as appreciated .

Anna8888, Thanks! I do feel very lucky to have found her and do try our very best to treat her as well as possible. We may not be paying top dollar (in fact, the agency told me she turned down a competing offer with more money because she was interviewed by the mum's PA whilst the mum was there and she just felt she wouldn't feel too welcome there). I don't know how to put it -- she is part of the family without being in our face (IYSWIM) so great on the whole privacy thing and obviously really good with the children.

I know this may sound a bit weird, but it's actually very important to me that she's a nice person - she's humble, self-effacing (i suppose that's the same thing), non-judgemental etc- and i like that my children are someone like that during the day - it sets a good example.

Long may it continue!!

Page62 - sounds like you have a great arrangement with your nanny - you must be a brilliant employer to have someone like that who is concerned about the well-being of the whole family and does what she can to make sure everyone's life runs smoothly. Well done you .

It depends, ultimately, on what is most important for you, your partner and your child/ren.

Because I went back to work ft when ds1 was only 6 months old there was no way I was going to leave him in a nursery. I wanted him to have one-to-one care in his own home.

At the outset we couldn't afford a nanny on our own, so we shared - but the nanny was based in our house. Additional benefit here was that ds1 had a ready-made companion!

I'm sure there are good nurseries just as I'm sure there are bad nannies (and, of course, vice versa) but you have to decide what you feel happiest with.

You need to be able to know that when you walk out of the front door you can switch immediately into your work role, and don't have to worry about what your child/ren are doing until you get home.

Whatever you decide will be right, because it will be on the basis of what suits your family.

Sassa,
We opted for a nanny as i went back to FT work when DD was 6 months old (she is now 4 and i also have a DS who is 20 months). It was really more because it suited us - i need live-in as i am at the office by 7-730 and don't get home until 6/630 and DH broadly the same hours. But even if our hours could accommodate it, we wanted our child to spend most of her day in OUR home. Have the naps when i want them to so they are not overtired when i get home (the 6 or 7 times or so i used a nursery for emergency care which was paid for by the company i worked for then, i found that my 7-8 month old had 40 minute naps instead of 2 hours) We signed her up to tumble tots, music class and playgroup so we know that 3 out of 5 days they will definitely be out and about and gives the nanny a chance to meet other carers and organise playdates etc. Also, we knew we were going to have more than 1 child so once another one came along, it would be more cost effective. (Though now we have nanny + private fees for my DD, not very cost effective anymore, but hey ho).

When i come home, our current nanny would show us artwork they have done in the day (example: dried leaves picked up from the common where they went for a walk stuck on paper with lots of glittery things around), or there will be tupperware full of cookies/flapjacks which they have baked. The kitchen is already immaculately clean, the kids have been fed and bathed, and my DH and I come home to spend an hour and a half with the kids before bedtime just either playing with them or reading to them. Typically, she has also peeled potatoes and warmed up oven so it doesn't take me too long to prepare food. She then stays for 10-15 minutes downstairs to take me through the day and then she goes upstairs, and i don't see her till the next afternoon though clearly we talk/send texts throughout the day. Sometimes she makes big batches of food on Thurs and Fri and puts in freezer so i don't have to cook too much on weekend. THe kids loove her but she never tries for one second to usurp our position - and therefore the kids don't have any problems transitioning to us at night or in the weekend.

Ooooh, i think i went on far too much there. I guess i'm trying to paint you the relative calm we have at home because we are with a terrific nanny (who would be the last person to tell you she is a great nanny - i quite like humility too) - i don't think i could have achieved this at a nursery.

But if your hours permit, and you find a nursery that has been highly recommended, i am sure that would work out too.

I personally prefer a high quality nursery to a nanny.

As a parent, you have an opportunity to check out the rooms and ask questions, soak in the atmosphere. My ds who started ft at 11 months had a 8 week settling in period (free!). I spent hours in the babyroom, which the staff were happy for me to do so and in fact requested me to stay if ds was unsettled. So could observe the staff warts and all. No doubt there is chitchat (people are human), but still the focus is the children and no child is teased or left to cry. I drop in at all times and have no reason to believe they were putting on a show for me.

I like the checks and balances offered by a nursery, particularly for a pre-verbal child. My children can be quite demanding and I would not wish 11 hours of time with my baby on anyone without sheltered breaks. If there is more than one carer, there is more cover and less likely that one carer gets too stressed.

Unless you have a webcam (which I believe it not legal), it is not possible to know exactly what goes on behind closed doors? Of course, there are good nannies out there for which this is not an issue.

I have used both nursery and a nanny as well as a combination of the two. While I have sometimes had issues with the nurseries we've used, it was much more stressful for us as a family when we didn't get on with the nanny/she was doing something we objected to. It's hard to have words with someone who is then in sole charge of your child all day. Employment rights can also be complicated to navigate - with a nursery you can just give 4 wks notice whenever you like, it's more complicated than that with an employee - and then there's the cost factor. AFter our first one, I thought we would never have another.

Having said all that, a nanny you love is an absolute blessing and feels worth every penny. And the combination of a nanny and high quality preschool is a better preparation for school, at least in our area. Toilet training is often much smoother at home - trust me, when you've collected a baby who is shoeless and knickerless from a nursery after three accidents in one day you'll hire a nanny the next day. Plus the sickness - we had to hire another nanny because it was just beyond belief, I had so much time off....

So...some fo the good the bad and the ugly. Good luck with your decision.

I have to say I would NEVER take my child and leave them at a nursery. If I had to leave them a nanny would be my choice.

I have worked in a few nurseries and boy, there are some bad ones out there.

It's also in your own home where your child feels safe, you can monitor the nanny if you want to go to extremes and you can see that a nanny has your child (or should do) as their priority. At a nursery I have known many to have too many kids to staff nearly all the time, been too busy chatting about how p*ed up they've been the night before with other staff and making fun of kids there Personally, I wouldn't want to run the risk of leaving my young impressionable child somewhere like this...

I know some nannies aren't angels but in your OWN home it is more 'police-able'.

Personally I prefer a nanny for very young children, and I also value the control I can retain over what my children are doing during the day. I think some young children can be over-stimulated by a nursery. Nannied children can get social skills from play groups, play dates and their siblings/cousins if they have them, as well as their parents and - oh yes - their nanny.

Whether you leave children with one nanny or a collection of staff at a nursery, you will still need to trust the people. You can build up trust in your nanny before s/he starts by speaking personally to referees, as well as the job interview process.

oh im offsky anyways

im a daily nanny (live round the corner)

DB = Daddy boss... the chilrens father

nannyL, are you a live-in nanny? What is DB - boyfriend?

ok... we dont get acareer progression

BUT I do provide a structured day
have many people (adults and children) to intereact with (i never spend all day at home)

I have a big circle of nanny friends and i see other nannies and charges almost every day!

and instead of doing stuff in the same room / garden, we go here there and everywhere and have a lovely time

nurseries provide a structured day, many staff to interact with, many other cohort. nursery has career progression eg baby room manager, mananger. staff supervision and training. Nannies dont get this

Oh and statistics. yes statistics and damn laies. thing is your 98% - 99% nanniesi would willingly leave my own child with all but on of the nannies i have ever met.... so that would be 98 - 99% of nannies and 7% naursey nureses, that is your anecdotal opinion

100% of the time my baby is at nursery im happy
98-99% of the time relaxing music is available
70% of the time wee un likes the food

ok

so u dont have a problem with:

deliciouse home made nutritiouse dinner in oven on timer ready for dinner
and pudding all prepared
and every single bit of laundry washed and ironed
and play room immaculate
and kitchen immaculate
and charge asleep

and me watching TV for an hour or so

(and i sky+ stuff on the channels i dont have just so i can watch them when having time to myself... obviosly nursary staff get breaks but i work 11 hours wuith NO BREAK)

problem is the nanny is faffing about on internet or wii!!!!i use nursery for the reason staff cant faff about on wii, internet.

why shouldnt i watch TV? when little one is asleep?

and DB likes playing on the Wii.... the chidlren are safe and happy, whats the problem?

NannyL - thats why i send my Ds to nursery!!! There are always other staff around to make sure the person who is supposed to be caring for him doesnt sit watching tv or lock the door and play the wii instead!

not necessarily....

i would willingly leave my own children with all but on of the nannies i have ever met.... so that would be 98 - 99% of nannies I would willingly leave my children with.... for hours / days at a time and not worry at all

The other nanny i would use in an emergancy, but wouldnt choose her to care for my child on a long term basis

in terms of nursary nurses.... i would say i have come across a similar amount of people, and would let probably 70% care for my own child, and some i would NOT let look after my child for even a minute...

not after having seen how they have treated children they are looking after

Dont know personally so many childminders but i have never yet come across a childminder who i wouldnt leave my own child with either

you can not be sure, purely anecdotal actually.and as a nanny well you would say That wouldn't you