Am I a terrible friend?

There is no way I'd have left my BF baby overnight at 10 months, unless it was a medical emergency. If baby is weaned to a bottle it is a different story as anyone can step in to help. If you want to go, I'd strongly suggest introducing a bottle; stop co-sleeping and get baby sleeping in a cot etc. Personally there's no way I'd go to those lengths just for a hen weekend.

You won't likely cause lasting damage but you will feel horrible leaving the baby, in my experience, if you haven't been apart all this time. Time goes slower for a baby/child than an adult, and they can cry and grizzle and make the life of whoever is babysitting an absolute nightmare for HOURS, so for a few days it could be tough.

You also have to think, would your friend really do the same for you? If it was my friend I'd be so gutted you couldn't come but I wouldnt make passover aggressive comments.

I'd do what @dontbuyanewmumcashmere says, she seems to have nailed it.

2 months is loads of notice to cancel one's attendance. There is usually a one month cancellation fee for activities etc and no food will have been purchased yet.

Why did you agree in the first place to go away 2 nights and 3 days

If have never left your baby fir more then an hour

Did you think you would be able to leave baby

Did you think baby wouldn’t be feeding off you

If you want to go then start making steps in night weaning /dad helping to feed via bottle or sippy cup

How far away, is it possible to have dad and bsby snd you in local hotel near hen for night feeding if that’s your issue

Tho Im The same as @Frenchie8690. I was back to work at 17w tho dd was sleeping 7-7 by then

She stays odd night away and I’m happy to go away for friends hen do and also child free wedding

There are ways in making it work, if you want to go

Your baby is 8 months old atm, based on your post 10 days ago. And you've already requested support re night weaning and cosleeping. So that's a positive.

If you want to go, the likelihood is that baby will manage with one night feed by then, if you start that now. And if you try pumping, with oh giving the pumped milk that would help the situation.

Baby won't have any sort of implications from being cared for by his father for two nights and not you!

I personally think that given you've arranged the hen do etc, to pull out now, with 2 months notice and the wedding be imminent, is incredibly unfair and that now you need to make the best of this, with a smile on your face.

Definitely would rather be thought of as a terrible friend and still do what's best for my baby OP. Mine is a month younger than yours and there's just no way I'd leave her for more than the day.

Could you go but stay nearby for the weekend so you can be with your baby at night but join in otherwise? If your partner is on board with this, that would be the option I would propose to your friend.

I certainly could not have left my breast fed baby overnight at 10 months. she was a bottle refuser and would have cried for hours.

I'd either have to bring the baby to the wedding (with a nanny or husband to hold baby in a different room for the critical points of the ceremony) or I would not be able to go.

I think everyone has different comfort levels and uts about being honest.

I have a 2 year old and I left him for one night at 11 months. It's my hen do this year and I have two friends coming both with babies, one will be 4 months and one 11 months yet my sister in law has an 18 month old who she doesn't want to leave so isn't coming at all. None of them breastfeed and all have very capable Dads they just have different comfort levels.

Be honest with your friend

Gosh I'm quite surprised by the responses here. When my first was 10 months I was working full time and comfortable traveling for several days at a time. It wouldn't enter my head not to go away for a weekend hen do.
But I think that just shows we're all different and it doesn't matter what I would do in your shoes, you have to be comfortable with it yourself. Be prepared for her to think that you just can't be bothered to go though...

She would be a more terrible friend to hint you should leave your dc for a piss up.

Not wanting to leave your baby is completely normal. But give your friend the chance to choose someone else. Do't let her down at the last moment.

I've completely missed the question sorry @muma2021

You're not a bad friend either!

I wouldn't have left mine at that age- no way. Friends come and go, your baby is yours.
If she's not a friend that 'comes and go's' she will understand and your friendship will stay as it was but to me the comments about your baby 'having to get used to you leaving them for the hen do/ wedding' seem a bit spoilt as in I win over your baby those days.

At 5 I've never left dc. I don't want them staying over anywhere else either. I love being there for my dc- not that those who leave theirs don't but everyone is different and that's ok.
One of my bff's regularly left her now 5 year old as a baby, to go to Jen do's, nights out, holidays with friends etc and now leaves her 5 year old and 5 month old! She's still a great mum.

I think what I'm trying to say is staying with/ leaving your baby doesn't make you a good or a bad mum.

You do what is right for you and your baby.

If she's your friend she'll understand.

I don't think you're a terrible friend, it's really hard to know how you'll feel about leaving your baby until you're actually in that situation.

There's no way I could have left my eldest at 10 months (& older), not just PFB, he was a boob monster and was not comforted by anything else and was a terrible sleeper. Second baby is still EBF but really isn't fussed, only seems to feed for necessity not really comfort, is a much better sleeper and I've been able to leave him for a couple of hours in the day from only 3 months. No one else can say what's best as only you really know your baby and how they'll likely react.

I hate leaving my kids overnight and have only done it for work commitments over the last 5 years. I think the suggestion of taking your husband and child with you is a good one. They can stay in the hotel or in nearby accommodation, and you can go to them after the hen activities in the evening.

Let's face it , baby will be fine its just you don't want to

OP knows her child better than you do. And what she wants matters too. Let’s face it, she’s a person, not just a bit part in her friend’s fantasy wedding.

No, you're not a terrible friend! Could you have an honest conversation with her and come to the decision with her? explain that if it's really really important to her, your willing to make the sacrifice for a night or two, but make sure she is aware of the distress it's possibly (probably) going to cause you and your baby? Hopefully if she's a really nice person she will appreciate that your baby's needs come first, even if she can't fully understand why. I had some similar situations (although I wasn't a bridesmaid) this year. I had to miss my friends hen and had to take my partner along to her abroad wedding which was a massive faff - babies weren't allowed to the wedding so he had to stay in the hotel room with our little one and I had to nip back and forward during the wedding to breastfeed. Despite all that effort to not let her down the friendship fizzled anyway, and she didn't speak to me since. I don't think she was happy that I wasn't "all in" if you know what I mean. Have an honest conversation with your friend, she may surprise you. It's so hard to understand the demand of breastfeeding/motherhood before you do it. Good luck!

I think you need to step down as maid of honour as you're clearly not 100% in to it.

Also if the baby is 10 months old at the time surely you will be close to having to leave the child to go to work at that point?

I do lots of things I'd rather not for my friends so yes I would leave my baby for a good friends hen. I wouldn't want to but I'd do it. (Assuming of course baby was looked after by dh or someone I trusted.
Let's face it , baby will be fine its just you don't want to

My little boy is three and I’ve never left him.

My second is breastfed and co-sleeps so I’m basically a recluse now.

Do what feels right for you.

she’s already been making comments about how my baby will have no choice but to be left when it’s the hen do and the wedding!

What does she suggest you do with your baby when you’re at the wedding?

She sounds jealous and resentful. Is she? Friendship should be a two-way street. This sounds like you do what she dictates on pain of her cutting you off. I don’t much like the sound of her. Her wedding is a big deal for her. Your baby is a big deal for you. You and your baby don’t seem of any importance to her.

Don’t leave your baby if you don’t want to! So she’ll be annoyed. That’s okay. You and your baby come first.