Ex won't help have kids while I work

By far the cheapest option is for him to pay you CM and have them when he can.

He's an idiot. He's not going to find a form of flexible childcare cheaper than the CM he'll be paying to you if you have them full-time. Just isn't going to happen.

And no, he can't use you as free childcare. 50/50 means 50/50 and on a sensible schedule. You don't have to facilitate his life.

I just saw your last post that you are still occupying the same house. Is he covering his child care responsibilities at the moment with a 50/50 split?

Plus i presume that you have opened separate bank accounts and closed down any joint accounts and/or credit cards etc. If not do that asap (some banks try to insist that both parties agree to a joint account being shut down even if there is money in the account.)
Contact the bank and confirm that they will send individual communications to both of you about the mortgage, again some banks only write to the first name on the account if its online access check that you have a separate password etc.

Do the same with any utility companies.

Just go for full custody and he can pay child maintenance. Less upheaval for the kids, you know where you are, job done.

If he can have the children full time and get a childminder to cover his shifts, great! Good for him!
You are able and willing to provide a minimum of 50% of the child care on a weekly basis. Plus you agree it's in the best interest of the children both of you remain active in their lives.
Therefore he can extend his logical solution. He puts that in place, he (or childminder) then has the children 50% of the time on a regular schedule and you have them the other 50%.
So that threat is a stupid one to try argue in court.

The court wont expect you to fund child care costs on "his days" and why would you pay him (his childminder) to look after your children when you are willing and able to do it on "your" days.

You are entitled to hold down a full time job to earn an living. Thats what the ex is doing. Having you earning reduces the risk that the children end up in a cycle of poverty, so again best interest of the children applies.

You have a right to have your own life too. He left, he cant expect the same relationship dynamic now that he is off living his life. If your prior relationship had evolved into a situation where he needs were met at the expense of your needs, you need to change your mindset. You need to put your life first. If his request has a negitive impact on your life and he benefits your starting point should always be a polite refusal with a suggestion that he (not you) comes up with some alternative arrangements. Dont be the first to offer a compromise or a solution to his problem.
Similar if you request something always try to offer alternatives so that the dynamic is a dialogue not a demand.

I suggest that if you are not already doing so you restrict your communication about care arrangements to some form of written communication.

First gives proof of who said what and a time line.

It also removes some of the emotional blackmail as you can restrict your communication to "action" verbs and dont include "feeling" verbs or respond to his emotional comments.

Sit down and work out a regular schedule that is fair and works for you and the children. Whats the week to week split, who picks up/drops off the DC.
Think about holidays and if you want them travelling out of the country.
Birthdays and any other special days. Whats possible eg can you both see the DC on each day or could it be moved to another day or swap each year.

Think about extra associated costs. Simple stuff, birthdays, if he has the child on that day, is there a party, who organises what, who pays, is DC sent to you for tea etc.
Have a read through other threads and get a feel for what issues you may wish to include in the aagreement.

You know his personality and how he is likely to react but always remember you are entitled to say no and let the court decide if you are being unreasonable.🌻

Go back to court. You can't do 50/50 on these ridiculous terms.

You don't need to pay for court and a solicitor.

What you do need to do is simply write to him and state that you are willing to given him the equivalent of two overnight every 14 days contact that will fit into his monthly rota.

Unless he wishes to maintain the 5050 with set days, you're not willing to accept this and this is not in the children's best interests when he will not be in the UK to provide wither care for them or contact with them.
I would then add that based on his first rota, his overnights are: xyz
Don't enter into discussion.
If wlhe wishes to go to court, let him pay for the mediation and miam needed to go and pay the court fees.
You could self represent.
You need to not bow down.
A court may well expect more flexibility around his rota, but in your defence you'll state he chose this role when leaving the family unit so this was not the established pattern beforehand.
I would also now apply to cms for child maintenance with the eow routine.
Don't be bullied.
Does he live elsewhere or are you still house sharing?

Take a deep breath. Remember everything he is saying is designed to scare you into agreeing with anything and everything he wants. What he wants is to get his own way, every way, all the time, every time.

Smile and nod and go back to court and get something else arranged. You have the changes to the diary, screenshots them every time. You have his utterly insane demands - and they are insane.

Think about it. His demands mean that you cannot live a life, any life, without being beholden to him and his ever changing schedule. And yet he left you, you are no longer in a relationhsip. Why would any judge condemn you to that? He has to make other arrangements - and that doesn't include getting a nanny and depriving the kids of their mother.

So again, deep breath, nod and smile a bit and grab your anger, get this sorted, your way!

P.S up to 80% of registered childcare costs can be covered by UC

He's really talking crap to bully and control you - and avoid CMS. Don't be scared to apply for residency yourself. And self represent in court. He will be an easy adversary if this is an indication of his intelligence

Au pairs are really not supposed to be in sole charge of the kids for days at a time - like what would happen if he left them in her care while he was on a long haul trip for 5 days. They’re usually young (always under 30? - often 18 or 21 doing a gap year after school/uni), and they are not trained childcare professionals. Standard hours are 25-28 per week plus once a week babysitting in the evening. It’s more of an option for someone who needs wrap around after school care plus a regular babysitter for Friday or Saturday night. They need there own room and access to transport (so a car if rural or poor transport links, a bus/train pass if links are good). He’s just trying to bully you into doing what he wants.

If he says he can get an au pair to cover his shifts then why would he need to have them full time? You need to start putting it all in writing assuming you are going to court. Can you have them full time with your work pattern/childcare etc?

He is throwing his toys out of the pram because you are not playing ball. Threatening to have them full time because he knows you don’t want that.

I presume he pays no maintenance hence he wants 50:50. Plus he doesn’t want to pay childcare.

Au pairs will not cover this many hours, a nanny will but I bet he doesn’t want that cost either.

How old are the children? An au pair won't be an option but depends on their ages. Someone with PR needs to be around in case of emergencies.

He is forcing you to work around his rota but I'm not sure court will help.

He can’t take the kids full time just because you are asking for some stability.
Also you can’t expect an au pair to work that number of hours every month on an ever-changing rota. That’s not how au pair contracts work.

My ex is military and I totally get where you’re coming from.
His work can be unpredictable with training exercises (which can last for weeks, sometimes months) and live ranges popping up left right and centre. I live away from family and I’m completely at his mercy when it comes to when I can work and when I can’t.
Following with interest

No way he’ll get them full time!!

If he’s on long haul he will be unavailable much less than 50%.
His life doesn’t get to rule yours.

Go to court.

Of course you don’t need to facilitate this.

Keep with current plan and he will have to arrange childcare. If he doesn’t then he will have to pay you child maintenance.

If he objects to you not allowing change let him take you to to court. It’s so incredibly unreasonable.

As recent ex cabin crew that depends on airline. Most do not have fixed flights or set days and they do change every month. You can request to work certain flights but no guarantees. He won't be away that much op. I think my busiest month I worked half of it, about 15 days (not all in one chunk) but its a very good job with young kids as so much time off. I was able to return to work with a 5 month old as on average I worked about 10 days a month full time. However, I was with my child's dad who also works full time. I had to arrange childcare or his dad had him if not working. His choices should not effect you. He needs to arrange childcare for his days. Hopefully a lot of flights will naturally fall on days that would have been yours but no way should his choices impact on you. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how much time off he has, providing he doesn't lie of course. I wouldn't rush to court. I'd wait and see the roster and make him arrange the care for his days. Also make sure he's paying what he should be if you do have the kids more.