Grandparent asking for money for looking after my 9 month son

Free childcare - lucky you

Is she still having to pay bills on her own property? If so it’s unreasonable of you to expect free childcare from your Mother. This always when a Mother has her first child as she expects everyone to be as devoted to her DC as she is whilst forgetting that your Mother has already been there, done that and now just wants to enjoy her life. Get a grip and pay for your childcare like every other parent has to do.

I live with DD and her family. My DGD is a teen now so doesn't need 'minding' . I pay a decent monthly sum to live there and I have never wanted a penny to mind DGD , and wouldn't accept it .
Start paying your mum £500 per month to mind DGC and then charge her £500 per month to live in your home . Simples

This one is a little tricky.

When you have a sitter or the child goes to Nursery there is a set amount of hours that the child is being taken care of (ie. 9-5, no weekends, etc). If you are asking the grandparents to care for the child above and beyond those hours then I believe the grandparent should be offered something. Yes, she is living rent free, but that doesn't mean that she is there solely for taking care of the child and can be left with the child at all hours without notice. They should make an arrangement for a set amount of "baby sitting" time and then anything over those hours should be compensated - I hope that makes sense?

I never thought of it as a filter (obvious now), I thought it was a mooncup! I've never seen a mooncup btw, it's just what I think they look like

@NeverDropYourMoonCup I'm using the app on an iPad so I'm not sure if it is the same, but there is a filter symbol in the top right hand corner of the screen (next to the up and down arrows that let you switch the order of posts) that allows you to filter to see the OP's posts only.

That’s strange. I find the app very fiddly so I check mumsnet using an internet browser of my phone.
Saves a tone of time!

There is a handy link to see all OPs posts without having to read the full thread: click on “see all” under the starting post

Yes pesky elderly people demanding money for full time sole care of a baby. How demanding of them !

Try not to take offense - From my experience, elderly people, who don't earn money anymore and rely on a small government income, can be scared for their financial future. If your mom isn't wealthy, she's lucky to have you and your child's lucky to have special time with Grandma often. I'm in the same boat and I'd rather pay Grandma to give one-to-one loving care for my child than a stranger giving one-to-10 children part-time attention. Of course, this depends on how your mom is with your child. If your mom is wealthy, that's plain weird!

I’m more than happy to pay for expenses that she might incur for looking after my son but in our case there isn't any because she lives with us. But if she wants payment then i might as well take my son to a nursery when im back at work.

So basically you’d just let him be with his gran if it was free. If you need to pay you’d use nursery? Lovely.

a few hours now and then you want full time off her when you go back to work?
you need to get your child in a nursery. Then your mum needs to move out!

If shes complaining now after a few hours, full time will tip her - i would not do it either!

If only there was a handy link which let busy posters read just the OP's five posts before commenting.

I’m more than happy to pay for expenses that she might incur for looking after my son but in our case there isn't any because she lives with us. But if she wants payment then i might as well take my son to a nursery when im back at work.

You should do that anyway.
Full time childcare would be far too much to expect from her.

She is unreasonable to expect payment for occasional child minding, tho, especially as she is living with you at no cost to her.

Well obviously draw her up a tenancy agreement with appropriate rent amount. And she can pay towards the bills also.
Then you use that cash for nursery fees.

I wonder if your mum thought a few hours a week would be fine but now there is potentially a full time childcare situation looming she might not feel up to it. I don't know how old your mum is but I know when mine was looking after my siblings kids, she did find it harder than expected and she was in her early 60s.
Hope your chat with her later goes well.

There are so many unknowns here.

How far away is DM away from home? Does she miss it and want to return?
Does she have enough income? Did the OP and DH pay for flights?
Is she fit enough to look after the toddler stage? Does she want to do more than she's doing already?
Is she really being expected to do FT child care or just wrap around and/or stepping up when child care fails. Could she cope?

I hope the family meeting starts with OP or DH saying "thank you so much for what you've been doing for us ...." And then asking about her concerns and whether she's been happy.

@Bluntness100

All the OP’s posts read actually.

YANBU
She is being very unreasonable though!

I don’t think you’re taking the piss with a couple of hours a week. She’s living with you rent free! You don’t need to pay her, she’s a grandmother spending a couple of hours a week with her grandchild. Really cheeky behaviour of her

I wouldn't get pissy with her. Enjoying spending time with a grandchild and providing proper regular fulltime childcare, are too different things. It sounds as though you just need a discussion.