Grandparent asking for money for looking after my 9 month son

Wow lives in your house rent and expense free then asks you to pay her, sorry but your mum is a CF. I’m not sure I could have her staying with me after that I’m afraid. Totally unreasonable behaviour

Or just tell her to find a place and put your child in a nursery.

Most annoying thing about this blog is that OP hardly replies to questions; is she playing games and needs attention! I am not reading any more.

I think she's quite rude to not pay anything towards the house at all when you say she's not short of cash and then expect payment too. Unless she is hiding the fact she IS short of cash and trying to cover it up. Perhaps asking for money because she is stressed about her cash situation. Any chance of this?

I'm in two camps here, looking after a child is hard work especially in old age and to off hand assume someone should be happy to do it because they are a relation is entitled and rude. But you mentioned she lives with you for free, why is this how did it come about? If she's frail enough that she can't live independently why on earth would you leave her in charge of a baby and without any compensation. Family dynamics and childcare is always dodgy. Put your baby in childcare and discuss with her reimbursement for living with you. Cut out all the problems at the source

Seems very unreasonable. I would offer to pay her but then tell her she has to pay rent at the double the amount you have just offered to pay her. That should make her realise that her request is unreasonable.

@Hertsgirl10 Yes really. What planet do you live on to think being a childminder for a new born baby could be described as a “holiday”????

I would say maybe your mum is a bit overwhelmed with providing the care and perhaps it’s her way of trying to get you to look at alternatives?? Maybe she thinks if you pay her you could pay for a nursery placement . Might be worth an open discussion, could you consider a part time nursery place ?? to show your prepared to pay for some childcare and let her know your not expecting too much of her. It also sounds like she should be contributing to some household bills too ! I would ask her to contribute financially so you can put the money towards a few hours of alternative childcare ? That way your showing her that you realise your son needs care but also that it’s costly and judge her response ??

It depends how much childcare and general help she's giving you. You don't expect a live-in Nanny to pay rent - you pay her.

Your own mum expecting to be paid for babysitting .. it shouldn’t be classed as work

Oh my gosh. I wouldn’t want to be paid even if I was looking after grandchild in my own home. Only time I would expect to be paid is if I gave up paid work to look after grandchild. But as you’d have to be ofsted registered wouldn’t be that easy.

Craziest thing, just providing a person with a place to live in exchange for household labor these days tends to end up making headlines for modern day slavery or imprisonment.

I know you aren’t actually trying to take advantage of grandma, but it’s really not reasonable to expect her to be your full time child care provider for nothing more than room and board.

Coming in late, but if you are going back to work why not suggest an au pair plus housekeeper type arrangement. She commits to a set amount of hours looking after your son whilst you work in return for board and a bit of pocket money?

Maybe she has no income and maybe it would be nice to give her something?

YANBU
Very odd to expect payment for looking after a grandchild.

There is a scheme whereby she has NI contributions paid by the state for childcare of this sort. Doesn’t cost you anything and could enhance her state pension. Although retired she might not be of that age to get state pension?

She is out of order ! ….. as far as I’m concerned ! Who pays their grandparents to look after the child , honestly , sorry to slag your mother off - but the UTTER CHEEK!

If she wasn't living with you and short of money I'd say no it might be an idea to give something to reflect the costs you are saving but if she is living with you rent free I do think it's a bit rich to ask for pay for it - it would be like you charging her rent

She pays no rent, no bills and I presume eats at your expense, but she wants paying for a few hours a week of childcare? Lol I think I'd laugh at her and ask her if she'd prefer to move out or pay rent and contribute towards food

I would take your DS to nursery where he can benefit from all they have to offer. Set up rental agreement with your DM and ask for contribution to living costs. Discuss now payment re looking after her in old age.

In a multi-generational household it is only fair for all adults to either contribute financially to the running of the household, or in other ways if they are physically able.

What next - will she expect to be paid for doing some ironing?

So she lives free with you and gives you free childcare? But now wants to be paid? If I were you I’d just say “since you don’t enjoy the task I will take the child to daycare, but this will be a little pricey so perhaps we should discuss your paying rent from now on.” Don’t address the “she’ll do it but for money” aspect. Just present as you “understanding” she doesn’t want to do it from now on and quite reasonably seeking alternative arrangements. See how she gets out of that.