Grandparent asking for money for looking after my 9 month son

Think it's time for her to go home

Do you not give her anything at all, even under the disguise of treat yourself mum? If so then YABU, if she has no income at all then it would be nice if each month you gave her something even £300 and say mum treat yourself. It doesn't specifically have to be labelled childminding money

She's living with you as family for free.

Because she wants to be with her grandchild.

I would point this out.

I'd propose giving a kitty for expenses but I would feel upset if my own mother asked me to pay for looking after my child 😥

If she was living in her own house and had all those expenses, maybe, but living with you??

I would just try to be straight with her. Something along the lines of ‘I was a bit upset when you said that you’d like to be recompensed for looking after ….. I had sort of assumed because you’re family and that we’d been housing and feeding you these X months, that you would be happy to have him. If you’d prefer a financial arrangement we can sort something out for the childcare and rent’. See what she says…

Legally she needs to be registered with the relevant bodies if she wants payment

If it’s just a few hours a week then it’s very odd that she wants to be paid.

If she was looking after baby for full day/s then I could understand.

Do you think she is pre-empting your return to work by bringing up being paid? Have you hinted that you’d like her to look after baby full time whilst you work?

As you don’t want her to live with you long term, your return to work seems like a natural time for her to return home.

If you are returning very soon I presume you have childcare in a nursery arranged?

If you haven't made nursery arrangements then your mother is alarmed at the thought of being full-time care, which would be a huge commitment for her.

Definitely a conversation is due.

What an absolute cheek the absolute nerve of some people id be telling her if she wants to be that petty she can look for another place to live because who wants a freeloader in their house I’m actually flabbergasted lol after all you e obviously done for her 😱

Too many unanswered questions in this thread. Childcare is so tough and I think many grandparents are taken advantage of. I did the same with my own mum and realise it's not fair. The housing /rent situation needs clarity OP otherwise we are all guessing here

You will be returning to work 'very soon' and say you will be needing full time childcare. Is this childcare arranged or were you planning to use MIL?

Are you sure she has a decent income?

Regardless, if resentment has started to creep in, maybe it's time to bring an end to this arrangement.

That is ludicrous. She is living with you rent free and it’s her blood. What an awful thing to say. Perhaps you should ask her to pay you for every meal you cook her or to start chipping in for bills. Works both ways.

Helps out a lot to a few hours.

Which is it?

Had a friend who went to visit her daughter and help out a bit.

That helping out a bit turned into caring for 2 under 4 from 6am to sometimes midnight 6 days a week.

My friend ended up injuring her back and she spoke up about all the hours and her daughter told her to get out as she was living there free doing nothing anyway.

I would be hurt too, she’s turning the relationship into a transaction! Your dh is a saint, he’s welcomed /paid for his mil to live with him and now she wants a salary too

Does your mum have her own house ? And does any income at all?
Maybe she is worried about money or is in debt?
It’s understandable if you feel hurt and disappointed but it Couid be that your mum has some issues or worries around finances.
I’d suggest a non inflammatory chat rather than some peoples suggestions of you saying she needs to pay rent. You obviously have had a great relationship with your mum and so it’d be really worth finding out why she’s feeling like this.

I expect she’s on her knees with exhaustion. She’s not ‘helping out’. She’s doing full time childcare for a baby.

Since when is a few hours a week 'full time childcare'?

The grandparent in this case seems to be doing a bit of occasional babysitting whilst living cost free in OPs house. I'd be telling her it was time to go home now, and sorting proper childcare for after Maternity Leave.

Start charging her rent for living in your house and if she doesn’t like it tell her to live elsewhere. Put your baby in child care then no one can hold anything over you.

I am appalled at the attitude of some people on here. If the grandparent is being asked to look after her grandson on a full time basis then why should she not be paid. I took care of my granddaughter 3 days a week and the other two days were spent with her other grandparent. My daughter and Son in Law insisted on paying and to be totally honest I took my granddaughter out to different places which required payment. Eventually she was at pre-school for three mornings a week and then school. I had never asked for payment and did actually save what money I did not use for her activities which at 18 she is delighted to have some funds towards her driving lessons. I was happy to have been paid as it did ensure we did get out and about a lot more than perhaps I could have afforded had I not been paid. Be kind people and do not jump to conclusions. What I did find offensive (as a retiree) the inference that "it is not as if she is missing out on any employment. What she would be missing out on would be her life and outside activities beyond this lady's home. I still work - took on job after my little lady went to school and I have worked ever since.

I think you need to sit down and set up a proper agreement:

She does childcare for X hours per week, for which you pay her £x.

She lives in your house, for which she pays you £ per week/month for rent/food/bills.

Just get it sorted.

The OPs mum may have let her own home out while she's with daughter and in the meantime, coining it. 😉😁

*forgetting to ASK. .

You ask why the OP is accepting some hours of childcare (OP is there too as on mat leave) from her mum who asked to stay to see the GC)
You think the OP should pay her mum but you're forgetting to as why her mother would expect to stay with her daughter and husband for a year, with free food, run of the house, free meals, no energy/water/ internet bills, free holidays?
It's not a one way street.

@clarissa76 I don't recall OP saying a few hours, I do however recall OP saying, something along the lines of she [grandma] has helped out a lot