Grandparent asking for money for looking after my 9 month son

I think she's out of order saying this now - and being upset in some way that you didn't offer to pay her!

However, I also used to know people who lived abroad and wanted to have retired grandparents around. So they came up with a formal contract and paid what they'd have paid daycare/nanny to grandparents. That way gps could afford to live there plus got to be with grand child. The GPS divided the days between them, so it wasn't 5 full days for either and on the days off the free one was out doing art classes, socialising etc.

My mum was living with us when my DD was born having just immigrated from South Africa. She was looking for her own place, found somewhere and was able to move in when my DD was 5 months old. My mum was a huge help with my DD while living with us but she still contributed to the bills, groceries etc. So I think it's very strange your mum doesn't contribute and wants to be paid for looking after your son. It is obviously creating an awkward situation so maybe best to send him to nursery/childminder.

Does she want market rates or a minimal amount? May be she is looking for some personal spending money.

As per a previous post I am also wondering if she is assuming she will be taking on a more full time role with OP returning to work soon. Does this mean no alternative childcare has been secured yet?

From the grandmother's point of view she is going to get no joy whatsoever out of her rent-free room in your house if she is looking after a baby/toddler full-time. When does she get to enjoy her own life? Personally at 60 it would be my idea of a nightmare and I suspect she is terrified of the prospect. Wanting a grandchild and wanting to help out is not the same as full time nannying.

Looking after someone else's child is a bloody awful way to spend the day. No wonder she wants blood money.

Crikey, that all seems very odd! She stays at yours for free and expects to get a salary to look after your child too? How much is she saving by living with you for free? Surely that's payment enough. In any case, my mother would not expect money to look after her grandchild. Not in a million years!

Unfortunately with this sort of thing I think there is no 'one size fits all' answer.

I dont think she is providing free childcare if she is living for 'free', because no one can. Life is expensive. However why is she asking for payment? Is it because she is being expected to do more and more? Definitely a conversation you need to be having together because surely she can't expect to live without paying you anything and also get paid for childcare.

I've used both registered childcare and grandparents in the past. Personally I feel registered childcare did the world of good for my child but I have always appreciated the help from my parents. My parents now help in school holidays only. I have offered to pay, they refuse. I provide my child's everything. His food, drinks, spending money, I pay for their days out etc. He is the easiest child and literally sits playing with lego and occupies himself. I am often told we don't know we have him. It's worth saying my parents no longer work and barely leave the house so helping me in school holidays doesn't stop their lives at all. Unfortunately it is still thrown in my face that I use them for childcare. This is despite me offering to pay them and me paying for and supplying everything for when he is with them. I have absolutely no social life, it's only during school holidays because childcare is expensive, which they keep telling me, which is the reason they offer to help. I would understand if I keep putting on them. I dont, I get very little annual leave at work, my salary is low, it literally covers our monthly outgoings. I am also a lone parent and have no help from my child's other side of the family.

My point is even with my circumstances with grandparents 'wanting' to help it becomes quite a sore point that apparently I am using them for childcare, which upsets me alot. Probably because i help them all year round so help isn't one sided. And I do feel it's upsetting when at the core of things is your child/their grandchild.

I remember when I was a child my grandparents regularly had us for the weekend and in school holidays at their request. My parents don't have my child other than when i have to work during the school holidays. They never offer which I am fine with. When they help me I genuinely need it.

When my son is older I will always be willing to help him whenever he needs it, as long as I don't have to work, and I would never view time with my grandchildren as childcare.

But I do think it depends on the amount of help grandparents are giving. If it's a regular thing and becoming more and more an expectation I can understand why grandparents would feel taken advantage of.

In hindsight it's probably important when going into an arrangement like this that boundaries are put in place before it starts.

Sounds like modern slavery to me....get someone over here living with you gradually build up the chores expected in exchange for keep, extend time they stay make it a permanent full time arrangement then deprive them of any income so they are bound to you and can't afford to leave, no rights to buy as much as a deodorant without paying for it in labour .....oh but she's the granny that's fine then the extra food bill more than enough whilst mummy saves £500 a week on childcare.

Say ok I'll pay you for childcare if you pay me rent, food, internet, water, gas, electric, council tax etc

I'm sure she'll back down

Dear Lord! Why can't HQ lock threads when they just become pointless?

Start charging her rent and bills then

I would never dream of charging my children to look after their children. I’d do anything I could to help them out, especially because things are so much harder financially than they were for our parents. You must feel very hurt.

do you put childcare on to her a lot, if so maybe she's feeling the pressure, I adore my grandkids, 3 are in full time school and I look after youngest 1 day poss 2 on occasion and he goes to nursery 1 day any more would be too much

Tell her you'll pay her when she gets a proper home of her own like a real grown up and gets Ofsted registered. Bloody hell.

I do two days childcare for dd for free. I do the odd extra day as well for free. Dd buys me the odd bunch of flowers, takes me out to lunch, the occasional bar of chocolate. There is no way I'd do full time childcare for free for dd. It's tiring, trying and really dominates your time.
I think fair enough do your bit to help out when you live in the house free of charge but full time childcare is completely different and your dm is right to expect to be paid.

I paid my mum. If it wasn't for her not only would we gave lost short term income but also opportunities to build our careers. She had DC when they were ill at undociable hours, and at short notice and looked after them with the love and care they would not have got in professional setting. The money I paid enabled her to have a few extra luxuries and was worth every penny and more to me.