Grandparent asking for money for looking after my 9 month son

"I’m on mat leave at the moment but will be returning to work very soon. So will be needing full time childcare then."

I would genuinely like to know if it is the expectation of providing full-time care that has prompted your mother to raise the matter of payment, @Candyfloss11?

What full-time childcare were you planning to put in place?

A relative can be paid to look after a child without being registered, inspected or anything else.

@Prinzy It’s in her last post on the thread.

I am appalled at the attitude of some people on here. If the grandparent is being asked to look after her grandson on a full time basis then why should she not be paid.

Because there are laws around being registered - and therefore inspected - if you are taking money for providing childcare.

However, the point of this thread is that the OP welcomed her mother into her home, when her mother asked if she could come and stay, as she was excited to be a Grandparent. I have got the impression that the OP and her dh assumed this would be for a few weeks, from when the little one arrived. Not for everyone, but all very lovely if the OP, her dh, and her mother were all happy with that arrangement. Up until now, it seems everyone was. OP has been on maternity leave. OP and her dh have been picking up all the additional expense without really thinking about it, as - has been said - this is the baby's Grandmother, who asked if she could come to spend time with her daughter and new grandchild.
It seems that the holiday for the OP's mother has gone on longer than the OP expected, and then there has been this unexpected demand from the Grandmother.
OP hasn't been back since her first 3 posts on Wednesday, to say if she has made plans for childcare for her return to work now maternity leave is coming to an end or if she has moved to an assumption that her mother will want to care for the child as she has stayed this long and showing no sign of going home. IF that is what the OP has hinted at, or implied in conversations with her mother, then her mother is right to want to clear the air and put things on a clearer basis. Looking after a baby whilst parents are at work is a VERY different prospect from 'being a companion to Mum and helping a bit whilst Mum is there' that the Grandmother has been doing.
However, it then opens up all kinds of cans of worms about permission to stay in the country, about permission to work in the country, about long term living arrangements and so much more.
Like so many issues, it seems the problem has arisen due to too many people assuming, rather than anyone talking.

Agree with other posters. Your DS will be going to nursery for more hours soon, as you need cover for work. You can’t afford to pay her for this, & it’s apparent that she doesn’t enjoy it anyway. Not can you afford to continue having her live with you rent free in your current situation, with nursery bills to pay in the near future. She would be happier going back home, & being a holiday grandmother.

I think it is about time she returned to her own house. Your son would also benefit from going to a registered child minder or nursery as he would have other children his age to play with.

[quote OCM19]@Candyfloss11, just seen your story in the Sun! www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/17247087/grandmother-asks-money-looking-after-grandchild/amp/[/quote]
Sarah Bull, you hang around on Mumsnet for free and no expenses, do a bit of work (ie copy and paste) and then expect to get paid! The irony.

It feels like we’re missing context here.

Moving in with you is unusual.

Is she looking after him for hours a day or just occasionally? If occasionally, why move in with you?

Sounds to me like some busy-body friend of hers has been stirring things up and egged her on to bring it up with you. I would sit down together and tell her how hurt you are and how you feel her living in your home expense-free is a fair deal. Who would want their MIL living with them full tim anyway? If she sticks to her guns then put your child in day care and tell her you no longer need her service.

Oh how very entitled you sound !

@Candyfloss11, just seen your story in the Sun! www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/17247087/grandmother-asks-money-looking-after-grandchild/amp/

I agree!

[quote MiracleBaby2022]@MammaMacgill87 I couldn't agree with you more, but I didn't realise she was old and frail. In which case she shouldn't be babysitting anyway. Perhaps the original post just gave out (unwittingly) the wrong idea about her mother hence a lot of negativity on here. The written word is so easy to misinterpret. I'd certainly have my own mother come and stay and I would look after her as and when (and if) the time comes that she needs me. [/quote]
The op said mum has her own home abroad ( so still has those outgoings) she's retired ( so limited income possibly at a rate of a much cheaper economy so may not be enough to pay both housing there and are high costs of everyday items) came for a short stay to help but has now been a tear while being used for childcare and op agrees taken for granted on occasion, op is now returning to work full time and thinks if mum wants paying should use a nursery rather than pay mum anything.....which reads op wants full time childcare in return for feeding mum....household bills do rise massively by having 1 extra person.

We don't know that she is old and frail. I asked earlier how old she is but the OP didn't reply.

@MammaMacgill87 I couldn't agree with you more, but I didn't realise she was old and frail. In which case she shouldn't be babysitting anyway. Perhaps the original post just gave out (unwittingly) the wrong idea about her mother hence a lot of negativity on here. The written word is so easy to misinterpret. I'd certainly have my own mother come and stay and I would look after her as and when (and if) the time comes that she needs me.

I have a nanny. Nannies do not work for board, they work for a fair wage. Asking some one to work for you and in exchange providing a roof over their head is modern day slavery. If you had this arrangement with some one who was not family, you would be charged with owning a slave. Pay her.

There's no way in hell I'm going to impose on my kids when I'm elderly. Now that's a selfish thing to expect. Some people seem to have kids so they can be babysat in their advancing years

I also cannot fathom asking my actual mum to pay rent and heating etc. She raised me to be the person I am now and there is nothing on this earth that would make me charge her even if she lived with us full time. In my culture you just cannot do this.

Does she have any income? Maybe this is her way of having a bit of cash to buy things without having to ask you to cover her expenses.

I would ask her what she thinks a fair amount to be paid would be.
I personally don't get paid for watching my grandchildren, that is my choice though.
My mother also looked after my children without charging. That is just how our family works it doesn't work for everyone. I have friends who pay their parents for childcare.

If you do pay her for childcare I wouldn't automatically start charging her room and board. she is your mom and unless it would a hardship for you not to charge don't.

By recompense I mean pay her. It’s her time she is giving you, when you are her age, time is precious and she may well have other things that she would prefer to do with her time than giving it up for free child care. I think it rather cheeky of you to assume that she would want to do that for the love of it especially as you and DH are both working and she is not helping out as you are financially in a tight spot.

If you had a live in au Pair, you would still have to pay them a small amount. Being that she is your mother it is a sensitive situation. Did she feel perhaps that you were taking her for granted that she would look after your dc regardless. Does she help out around the house? Does she have her own income, she will still be needing to pay bills on her own property. I do think it fair that if she is looking after your child on a regular basis that you should recompense her in some way, however, you will have to look into all the legal guidelines, Ofsted etc. if you want a less casual arrangement.

I genuinely can't get past some of these comments. This is your mother who birthed and raised you, the woman that stood by and taught you all your values, currently the woman you've taken in, in her old age. So so many posters branding her as cheap or cheeky, accepting room and board and DARING to ask for reimbursement for looking after a new born baby? I genuinely find this disturbing. Wtf is wrong with you all? Looking after a newborn even at 9 months is fucking hard work, not to mention if you are a pensioner. If you've been taken In to your adult child's home.we are bound to assume there's a disability or inability to effectively care for themselves alone. So there's no bill or rent to pay? So what, this is an elderly parent that raised you, for free, with love. All of a sudden you push out a sprog and thats your mother's concern? Why? To watch and care for, for free? Why. Out of gratitude and love we should offer our parents free room and board, they are not our slaves or free childcare, they are our older generation deserving of care and rest. So many people her branding and elderly mother as cheeky or a free loader. Honestly wtf is wrong with you people? I hope.you all get frail and old and judged as less than worthy, usless for rearing kids and thrown in a home, waste your retirement money on fees and leave nothing to your ungrateful selfish kids. Jesus whept this is just disgusting. I'm appalled, I don't even care who judges me at this point particularly on this thread. You all need a damn good shake and some self reflection