Grandparent asking for money for looking after my 9 month son

How much childcare does she actually provide?

So reading the end of your opening post you DID expect your mum to look after your child for free (full-time?) when you returned to work! This is a completely different arrangement to what you have now and you should appreciate that your mum is raising it now and it has nothing to do with free bed and board.
As for posters saying 'just kick her out' and 'cheeky bitch', what horrible relationships you must have in your life.

There's a huge difference to a few hours a week and a full time gig. What was your plan when you went back to work had she not asked now to be paid? Have you already spoken to nurseries and planned for the fees?

Yanbu. I look after my nephew and niece who love 90 mins away whenever needed. All I ask for (as I'm on a low income as a carer ) is that they cover my train fare when I'm needed as it can mount up if its a few times a week as I can't stay over as I have to relieve my cousin from taking over my role at home.

Charging for random babysitting would be unreasonable.

Expecting payment for taking care of a baby full time while you work is perfectly reasonable.

I would pay her, I couldn’t pay the full nanny amount but at least, I’ll try to pay her au pair rates, which would be a bit unreasonable of me as au pairs are not expected to be in sole charge of a baby for such long hours.

Now, if she is under a 6 months tourist visa, all this discussion is unnecessary as she might need to go home anyway, unless you find a way to sponsor her for a visa. as a care provider but if you do, you will need to pay her otherwise it may be classed as slavery.

My Gran lived with us and was paid to look after us when we were little. Otherwise she would have had no income at all and even if you are living with someone else you still need money for clothes, makeup, toiletries etc. If she hadn’t been looking after us she could have got a job so my parents paid her - opportunity cost! That makes sense to me. I still felt like the most loved grandchild in the world!

Just because you let her stay with you doesn’t mean you are entitled to have her do what you want. I do agree that it will be better off sending him to a nursery though.

Being in a bit of a Pinch is being in a slightly awkward or tricky situation where you need a bit of help. Not an emergency but needs sorting.

I also wondered if she was raising this now as she was worried she might become the full time childcare when you go back to work because that would be way too much to expect.

Also, when my kids started nursery, they picked up every bug going and were off a lot.

Do you have a back-to-work childcare plan?

I cannot imagine living in one of my daughter and their husband's houses scot free for months and then talking about them paying me a wage for anything at all!!

If i didn't like arrangements i would thank them for their hospitality and simply move back to my own home in a dignified fashion.

What’s a ‘pinch’?

I’m on mat leave at the moment but will be returning to work very soon. So will be needing full time childcare then.

Perhaps raising the issue of payment is to do with thinking you are expecting her to do full time care when you go back to work? I can't see anyone managing to come to a satisfactory arrangement re: child care in payment for living free in that case.

I agree it's time for her to return to her own home.

There's 2 separate things here really, her staying with you and her looking after your child. If her staying isn't working for you as you have realised she isn't content to look after him for free anymore then ask her to go home.

she has helped us out a lot by looking after my son when both me and my husband are in a pinch. This has been great and much appreciated and at first i thought she was happy to help out because she expressed how much she wanted a grandchild before my son was born.

She can have wanted a grandchild and deeply love him without wanting to be squeezed for free childcare at your demand, the 2 aren't necessarily correlated. Get some proper childcare sorted for when you go back to work and she can perhaps develop a grandparent relationship which is much more than childcare.

Tell her you’ll be happy to pay her, just as soon as she starts paying you rent.

I think she wants to be paid if she is doing full time childcare. That's not unreasonable at all, and I suspect she has talked to someone who said she deserved to be paid for the time she has done already - which I don't think she does.
I'd make new arrangements for when you go back to work.Thank your DM for all her help and listen to what she says when discussing renumeration for existing help, but stress that they are two different things.

Just ask her for rent or bill contribution. Do you even want her living with you?
She’s a cheeky mare.
She offered - she can now change her mind and that’s ok but so can you in that she’s saving a couple of hundred pounds a month living for FREE.

Do you have childcare sorted for your return to work?

When your mum says she wants to be paid, is she speaking about the going rate for a registered childminder? Or is she thinking more like money towards bus fare / petrol, cafe, baby group etc?

Is she babysitting while staying with you, or childminding?

DH's parents did all-day childminding for each of our DDs 1-2 times a week, for free, to help us reduce our childcare costs when I returned to work. Which was lovely of them and a huge help. But we paid for supplies like nappies. We would have paid for baby food (they got Ella's at grandma's house in the earlier months, easier for all of us...) or soft play admission if they'd have accepted it. When our girls started school, and PIL did school vacation childminding for us, we did insist on giving them some cash to offset their extra costs (still a fraction of what holiday camp would have cost us).

Is she feeling bored and hemmed in while looking after your infant? Maybe she thought looking after her grandchild would be different somehow and is now running into some practical obstacles? Best of luck with your conversation. It might be that she's just hoping to offset some costs so she can get out of the house with Baby. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would think this through. She’s probably bringing this up now knowing you’re returning to work.
Are you going back full time?
Of course if she is providing hours of childcare per week permanently, she would need a wage.

If you haven’t already got your son down for a nursery place, you’re going to struggle getting him in now. All the good nurseries round here have waiting lists. Lots of mums who know they’ll be returning to work register a baby when they’re first born.

Its a bit shitty of her if you are genuinely only asking for a few hours per week considering she is staying there for free.

If you can, I would just tell her that you don't need her for childcare anymore. You will be applying for nursery since your maternity leave is over soon.

Ah..just thinking. Maybe she is aware your maternity leave is ending soon and under the impression that she will be expected to look after her grandchild full time. I can understand her point if that is how she is thinking as that would be a lot to take on. Even if she is living there for free.

If you're returning to work soon what was your plan for childcare then?

I struggled with childcare when my kids were small. I wish I had someone I could trust looking after them. Plus childcare was very expensive so I would try to work out something in your situation. I know of families who pay a member of the family to do this. She probably heard of arrangements like this and wants the same. Even for an aupair that lives and eats in the house there is pocket money as well. I think you could be a lot worse if she decides to go.

I live with my son and DiL in a granny annexe. I can only imagine the hilarity if I asked for payment for babysitting. DS would think I'd lost my marbles.

Sort out childcare, send her home. Does your husband not desperately want his house back to himself? Don’t you?

Tell her you're glad she's brought up money as you and husband think it's time she started to pay you keep for her living costs. Say 500 quid a month.

You've given her an easy ride and she's now feeling entitled. Nip the fucker in the bud.