Ap...I'm being petty but this has really peed me off!

Wow wish I had an employer like you lot Im a live-in nanny and buy all my own food (sometimes I take milk for breakfast)

I suppose the problem from her side is that she was expecting the money. She probably sees it as a 'right' now rather than a perk. So as such she's probably including it in her budget for what she is doing.

Hmm difficult either way. Is she good in all other respects? Perhaps you could ask her to start keeping receipts for the food/petrol?

OOOOH can I have your guy

Would suit us cos we hav two boys and the aupairs almost always pander to the princess

My deal with my aupair is that I pay an extra £50 pcm for a travel card but I don't want him to drive (he can't anyway) and we buy food. He buys himself stuff occoasionally and I worry about that because it is not up to him to buy food.

So I have the opposite problem with him. He doesn't have to do any cleaning because the cleaning lady does all that and he only has the infants for around 15 hours per week alone. That's over three days. But anytime I try to give him any more money to cover the extra food he buys - he refuses. Adamantly.

Shall we trade for a few months? I think it'd balance out then.

Cor blimey, 'ow the other 'alf live

OMG - you would swear they would never get paid = have already paid my girl for all her paid holidays (20 days for a 12 monther) and she is only here since August. She had a day sick this week plus a half day today - so worked 17hours this week. And she still texted me to see when she would get paid.

BTW she is not East European - rather affluent Europe.

Begrudged buying her Chrissie pressie today and will def not get a Chrissie bonus cos she is off for yet another 2 weeks

I don't think you are being petty.

It's a tricky situation you are in with lots of blurring of boundaries.

I personally feel with aupairs that you should just pay them up front and not have too many monetary perks. They don't really appreciate the perks - they like them, but don't see the monetary equivalent, unless paying themselves. The only time you should give a perk is when it is truly cheaper for you, eg family/household membership being cheaper than individual ones.

However, with a car that is for both work and personal, then you should just pay the petrol for the children's use. The aupair is still getting huge value from the capital, maintenance and insurance. If she is working part week, then pro rata is fine. If she wants to do extra visiting, that is her problem, not yours. If she can't cope with this, I'd be inclined to say that the car is only for work purposes.

what does she do on the other days? is that out of the £20?

Well definitely don't give her the bonus, she doesn't need it particularly as she won't be here. As long as you've bought her a gift I guess.

I think you need to sit her down and have a chat. Say you were disappointed in her reaction tonight and explain why. Explain that you could have legitimately given her even less this week but thought it unkind, you therefore do not expect to have to quibble over £5. Also reiterate that the £20 is for petrol and snacks - that is her responsibility. If she doesn't stick to it say you'll stop the £20 cash and fill the car yourself and buy her snacks yourself. Say a trusting relationship works two ways, and you feel shaky after this evening but you hope that it's just a wibble and you'll be abck on track.

Sometimes I get the feeling being generous leads to having the piss taken, and you have to then rein in for a while to make it clear that it's not on.