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Original poster

Unsure au pair - am I expecting too much?

61 replies

Potentialaupair · 19/09/2021 03:22

Hi! I’ve seen a lot of discussion on here about au pairs and I was wondering if anyone could spare some advice for one?
get ready for a ramble…

I’ve got a contract with a family but I am now having a bit of a wobble about them. They were super lovely on the call and so I accepted the position with them a bit too quickly. More recently some stuff has raised some red flags

  • firstly the room is very small (5 square meters). It is clean and just been painted which is nice. However, the family have only put a bed (with some under bed storage) in and no other furniture and said that they will add more furniture if needed once I’m there. I feel a bit put out as I don’t really want to be living out a suitcase! Additionally as far as I know there is not a radiator in the room, which is a problem as the room is not connected to their house (it’s a chambre de bonne - service room on top floor of paris building) and I doubt the corridors in the building are heated.
  • they have also asked me to cook dinner for the whole family every night - which I can do but combined with the room makes me feel not very on equal footing
  • they also changed my start hours from 4:30 to 3:30pm between our first call and signing the contract and reduced the pocket money in the same time frame

I feel very torn as they did seem nice and I want to give them a chance and make sure I’m worth having around but at the same time I feel like they’ve already shown lack of regard for my comfort with the room etc. I feel like I could handle each of these things individually but together it’s a lot! Please let me know what you think!!

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heldinadream · 19/09/2021 06:51

They want you to cook the family's dinner every night? And everything else you said. No no no.
They want a maid. Do not walk into this. They sound like people who fully intend to take advantage of you.

Sparklfairy · 19/09/2021 06:50

PPs using the word servant is right. You'll be living in a cupboard with no heating and if they're already reducing your pay and increasing your hours before you've even started I can guarantee they will treat you even worse when you get there.

IHateCoronavirus · 19/09/2021 06:49

Another one for don’t go, trust your instinct. Give them honest feedback which shows you know your worth.

Clymene · 19/09/2021 06:44

Don't go. Au pairs are like hen's teeth at the moment. There will be better positions.

Bogeyes · 19/09/2021 05:40

They are looking for a servant. Make sure they don't put your passport in their safe!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/09/2021 04:29

Good grief, it sounds like indentured servitude. Red flags all over the place.

Back out of this and don't give it another thought. Always trust your instincts.

SinoohXaenaHide · 19/09/2021 04:04

That sounds miserable and I think you should leave.

An "au pair" is not supposed to be a servant, and that is the status this family is giving you, and a poorly treated one at that.

An au pair should be treated as if they were the older grownup sibling of the children of the house - so doing some babysitting of the youngsters and doing a share of the chores but treated as one of the family generally. Pay is low but that is because responsibilities and expectations are also pretty low.

This family have given you a tiny room without basic facilities to feel homely, and want you to cook every night and work longer hours for less money.

Nope.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 19/09/2021 03:29

If you can get out of it without loss on your side, I honestly would. Its all a bit cheeky but the no heating (if correct) is ridiculous.

Kanaloa · 19/09/2021 03:28

Absolutely not. If they’re like this now it won’t improve once you’re there and they feel they’ve got you trapped.

There are good au pair positions out there - look for one of those!

Huckleberries73 · 19/09/2021 03:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MarieG10 · 19/09/2021 03:25

Listen to your doubts. You are having them for good reason. There will be other better families out there that don't change things as they have done