Should we fire our current nanny?

You should pay an appropriate market rate, screen carefully, check references very thoroughly, manage nanny professionally, which includes discussing issues as they come up and giving clear guidance

I get the impression OP may be somewhat abrasive and overly critical in her interactions with her nannies. Employing a nanny is not straightforward - you are their employer, but they share your living space and your interactions are necessarily much more intimate than with, say, you office assistant. Ultimately, for everything to be ticking along nicely there needs to be a friendly but not too informal relationship.

The fact you call them “girl” just says it all. You sound like a bit of a boss from hell…

"Who left in tears - if we were so horrible, why would she cry after us?"

You really think she was crying because she loved y'all so much and was going to really miss you and was really sad?

She was crying because you sacked her. She.had.lost.her job.

Its seems you already made your mind up or you wouldn't be looking for a replacement anyway

Sounds like you need to learn how to be an employer. The first one needed a chat from you about tidying up and a probation period to put it right.

You employed an unqualified person as a nanny and paid over the odds. . Do they have sole care? Are you working, in or out of home? Tbh leaving cups out was probably something you could have overlooked. None will be perfect, be prepared to compromise.

@vodkaredbullgirl. Yes but 'why not look after your own child' has a strong ring of 'you know, like all the proper mums do'. I presume the OP isn't looking after her own child because she's working and, when she's not working, she is indeed looking after her own child.

My doctor and dentist are both women with young kids. The male surgeon who operated on me over the summer had three young children. One of my neighbours is a teacher and just going back after having her second. Another neighbour with kids works in adult education. Another is a lawyer. I would never even think of suggesting to any of them that they solve their childcare issues by 'looking after their own children' .

I'm a nanny employer of many years, so I absolutely don't hate women who hire nannies.

I do, however, have strong feeling about people who set themselves up as employers and take someone's livelihood in their hands and then don't do that job properly. Also people who look down on the nanny they employ and see her as a maid or abuse her working hours and goodwill, etc. I'm not saying OP does this but plenty of people do.

However, OP has clearly been either grossly overpaying or is now seeking to underpay. She also doesn't seem to have done due diligence when hiring, which is important, because no, a small child should not be subjected to a revolving door of carers. You should pay an appropriate market rate, screen carefully, check references very thoroughly, manage nanny professionally, which includes discussing issues as they come up and giving clear guidance.

A nanny should leave the place reasonably tidy at the end of the day, but they should not be criticised because there are plates on the counter during the day or a toy on the floor. It's unclear whether nanny #1 was actually leaving the place a mess and stuff on the floor when she finished or if she just didn't do everything instantly as she went along to OP's standards, and OP's comments do suggest an awful lot of hovering and instant judging.

FTM in this context is usually first time mum

You sound difficult and hard work and I’d consider yourself lucky if there are any nannies left for you to employ. They talk, you know. And word will get round that you’re not nice to work for.

And stop with the “girl”. It’s patronising and infantilising. She’s a woman the same as you.

OP, mumsnet doesn’t like women who have nannies - as you’ve found out..!

Some people seem to think that all a nanny should be is sweet with the children, and who cares if the place is a tip and she has an attitude yeah? Surely your CHILD is the important thing right? Do your own housework you lazy wench! Surely you’ve got time if you have a NANNY!? Etc etc

Really hope you get sorted soon OP. It is very stressful having to be an employer and a friend. Our nanny is absolutely lovely in pretty much every way, but we’ve had some shockers and it’s just really awful to deal with.

I don't think you are paying her less than the market rate but she clearly isn't happy so thinks she could probably put up with the job if it paid more. Bottom line, she's not happy so ask her why then go your separate ways.

I can imagine that taking on a nanny can be incredibly difficult, because you're the employer but also emotionally invested in everything.

Do you have any experience of being an employer? Or managing staff? Writing job descriptions? Building relationships? Setting expectations? And have you thought about what's expected of you in this situation? You're also clearly not a native English speaker - is there perhaps a cultural issue at play here?

I'm intrigued to know what her duties are if they aren't playing games with and entertaining your LO?

The same job a child minder or nursery nurse would have I imagine. Not leaving the place in a mess, picking the baby's pacifier up off the floor, putting toys and lunch dishes away, cleaning bottles for next use, cleaning up after their own lunch. It hardly sounds like the OP wanted her scrubbing toilets and cleaning windows.

@confjul thanks, I am a nice person. The kind who understands

Paying a fair rate for a fair job
Not patronising employees by calling them “girls”
Understanding that a nanny is a nanny, and not a cleaner
Understanding that someone crying when they get fired is quite normal

As for wanting to pay a new person 50% less than you pay currently, you must know that you sound completely unreasonable?

I'd have stuck with the first one, if she's good with the child that is all that matters. A little untidiness here and there doesn't matter, if she's doing what you employed her for. Perhaps see if you can get her back?
Or try a childminder? That may be a good compromise between nursery and nanny.

The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties

I'm intrigued to know what her duties are if they aren't playing games with and entertaining your LO?

OP, nannies on MN are like cleaners. They couldn't possibly be expected to, you know, do the job they are paid for. Of course a nanny should was her own lunch dishes! Some of these responses are ridiculous. Why MN hates women who hire nannies I will never understand.

You do not sound like hard to work for at all and it often takes a while to find the right, long-term nanny for your child. This is the most important person you will ever hire, so don't feel bad about moving one from this one.

Oh OP....

I think it's probably best all round if she finds another job very soon. Good luck in your hunt for childcare that you'll be happy with

Wow at the thought of you firing the first one who was good with your baby. Seems like you are more concerned about the house work. I'd much rather a kind caring nanny who does a brilliant job with my children.

"The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties"

Hahahahahahaha. I've been a nanny. Parents like you are actual bell ends. yes they should be cleaning after themselves. Have a quiet word. No, they aren't house keepers or maids, there to do cleaning etc. NANNY. NANNY. NANNY. FOR THE CHILDREN. for the love of God. Astounded at some people's priorities.

'I see a lot of messages assuming we are paying her less and making her do housework. From where is this coming from?'

You said the current nanny wants a 30-35% pay rise. You also said the new nanny will work for 20% less than the current nanny earns. So, you're looking at paying the new nanny 50-55% less than the current nanny actually wants?

So either the current nanny is delusional or you're going to be massively underpaying the new nanny.

'like the first one (who left in tears - if we were so horrible, why would she cry after us?)'

I imagine because she'd just lost her job because she left a plate on the side? People do tend to cry when faced with unemployment and subsequently bills they can't pay etc. The fact that you don't understand that does suggest that you lack empathy tbh.

@Goldbar I did also suggest looking for a childminder instead.