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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Should we fire our current nanny?

109 replies

confjul · 16/09/2021 10:58

FTM here and very confused about what to do next. We had a hard time finding a good nanny. The first one we found was at a premium price where we live. She seemed great with our baby, knew a ton of games and development stuff. However, she was a slacker. She wouldn't even pick up our baby's pacifiers from the floor and never clean a bottle or plate of the baby. Sometimes, she would even leave her plates and glasses on the kitchen counter. We fired her after 2 months.
The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties. She has been with us for 7 months. We thought all was well but then she told us all of a sudden that she wants 30%-35% increase of her salary. We were shocked. First of all, most people told us that we are paying her way more than current market and to ask for more after being with us less than 1 year? I have seen on platforms that she is actively job hunting. I have to add that this nanny also has an attitude and I was on the point of firing her 2 months ago. I guess she sensed it and she immediately corrected her behavior. There would be small things about what I wanted her to do with LO that she just totally disregarded to my face and then she would play all innocent and dumb that she didn't understand when confronted about it.
A few days ago, we have started nanny-hunting as well and we have found 2 girls (with actual qualifications and also references) for 20% less than what we pay our current nanny. My husband wants me to fire the current girl ASAP. I am also tired of her but I am also worried for LO since she became fond of the current girl. What would you do in my place?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 17/09/2021 09:56

@MolyHolyGuacamole

I thought it meant FTM as in trans male when I first started reading it!

Quartz2208 · 17/09/2021 09:50

I think the issue is your arent grasping is that you are an employer.

Why did you fire the first Nanny after two months rather than have a conversation about expectations and what the job involves.

And you need to be realistic as well.

Are you working - I assume it was first time mum

MolyHolyGuacamole · 17/09/2021 09:50

@Moonbabysmum

FTM in this context is usually first time mum
Oh dear, MN and the bloody acronyms, thought it meant full time Confused
MolyHolyGuacamole · 17/09/2021 09:46

Also cleaning the mess after the child you are looking for. Sorry but this is getting ridiculous.

You said she didn't pick up pacifiers, that's hardly mess

MolyHolyGuacamole · 17/09/2021 09:44

She is not a qualified nanny.

Majority of nannies aren't, we don't all pay thousands of pounds to go to Norland, especially when there are people like you who don't even want to pay 'above average' 😂

But most nannies have lots of relevant experience and child-related qualifications, and can command above average salaries. Good luck with your budget search Wink

Thethreecs · 17/09/2021 09:42

@NuffSaidSam

'and then as soon as the car pulled away the pram was shoved out into the back garden for the day, rain covers in winter, blankets over prams in summer'

What was the outcome when you reported this?!

It was closed down. It took absolutely ages, I had to keep a diary with times, then pictures, I ended up doing some videos as the pictures didn't show the full story, I had received a letter to say they investigated and didn't find anything the day the inspector came out, the children were fed, had plenty of space to play. I never seen anyone go in and check it out but that could have happened when I was out or busy. So I thought by having a camera recording it made it more clear what was happening. They threw eggs at my windows most days, threw empty beer cans and vodka bottles into my garden. Invited all their friends over and sat in the garden blasting music daily.
MolyHolyGuacamole · 17/09/2021 09:40

@Wroxie

Sometimes, she would even leave her plates and glasses on the kitchen counter Um... do you mean instead of washing them? In our house we don't have a dishwasher and we wash dishes once per day in one go. Maybe that's what she's used to. It's not like she left them on the floor in the hallway or something weird like that. What a strange reason to fire a nanny!
Exactly. Especially when so many nanny groups are littered with stories of babies coming it to a full dishwasher to unload and reload with dishes from the morning's breakfast etc. I do it with absolutely no issue, parents come down drop off mugs etc and go quickly back to work. I don't mind it as I have the time to do it, and they don't complain about every little thing.
Leibham · 17/09/2021 09:36

OP your responses are just confirming what people have said.

You and your husband really seem to resent the salary which is not a good vibe for anyone.

You fired a nanny who made your DD happy and was great with her over not cleaning a few plates or glasses and yet you still don’t see how high strung you are which is quite telling!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 17/09/2021 09:31

@Cactu

Firing 2 nannies in 9 months is not a good record. Ask her honestly why she isn’t happy working for you. Most nannies stay in a job for quite a long time.
I expect being FTM has a lot to do with it. As a nanny I'd never go for a job where a parent didn't work. Too much time on their hands to critique every move 🤷🏽‍♀️
NuffSaidSam · 17/09/2021 09:25

'and then as soon as the car pulled away the pram was shoved out into the back garden for the day, rain covers in winter, blankets over prams in summer'

What was the outcome when you reported this?!

Thethreecs · 17/09/2021 09:06

It's like any person we hire to work for us, whether it's a plumber, electrician or builder etc we are hoping that they are good at their job and that their references are real and not made by friends and that they'll do the work we want them to do. The only difference here, is, that this is your child so of course you want to get it absolutely right.

It can take time to find a person that fits with your family. Not everyone is going to be perfect and it's trial and error. The positive you can take from this, is that you are now more aware of what you need and expect.

I would probably lay out at interview stage what you would require from them. Basic things that we would assume they would do like washing child's food utensils, sometimes it has to be spelt out, however I do think making a list of what you expect is not unreasonable, you don't have to sit there rhyming off your list, you could have it discreetly in a note pad and just refer to it when you need. Or make a joke saying that you've made a list, you promise you're not weird but it helps you to remember everything that's important to you.

During the interview you can discuss what play, learning etc that you like, or ask them what kind of activities they suggest.

It breaks my heart when I see the nannies beside me basically ignoring the child, my ndn use to run a creche for her friends, the greetings in the morning were so over the top, I could hear the HELLO, HOW ARE YOU, GREAT TO SEE YOU, YOU'RE FAB, YOU'RE THIS AND THAT, and then as soon as the car pulled away the pram was shoved out into the back garden for the day, rain covers in winter, blankets over prams in summer and she sat sunbathing or on wet days I'd hear her hoover going for hours.

Children adapt easily, don't worry about changing nannies, when they start school they will have regular changes of teachers. There's no harm in them getting use to different people, it will stand to you when you want to have a night out or a weekend away and use different people /family to babysit.

Nomorepies · 17/09/2021 08:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

SirChenjins · 17/09/2021 08:41

I suspect the OP didn’t quite get the responses she was hoping for here, and probably won’t be back…

Kitkat151 · 17/09/2021 08:28

you sound like a lovely person....have a nice day
Why the sarcasm OP? 🙄

steppemum · 17/09/2021 08:22

OP, in your posts you overreact to the things people are saying, and are very defensive.
I wonder if you ar elike that in real life too?

basic mistake is to employ someone unqualified. People get qualifications for a reason. You are are also all over the place with pay.

If you are an employer, you need to set it up properly including things like NI payments, holiday pay etc. You need a good contract.

If something is not working, you sit down as professionals and lay out your expectations.

Employing someone is a big deal. It is not liek getting a babysitter.

Hopeisallineed · 17/09/2021 08:09

A nanny is not an au pair. Their primary job is to make sure the child is happy, healthy. And cared for. If you were annoyed about a dropped dummy and a few plates, you sound like you are pretty difficult to work for. You need to prioritise and really think about what a nanny’s role is and what is most important. I would say if the child is happy and being cared for well, then a few unclean dishes could be overlooked and I certainly would have spoken to the nanny and given her a chance to rectify this, before sacking her after 2 months.

languagelover96 · 17/09/2021 08:00

It sounds like you need to learn a lesson and move on. Find another childcare provider pronto because clearly neither of you are happy.

frerecoler · 16/09/2021 19:56

You can have a very frank and honest discussion.

As a nanny, when I was happy, I never looked anywhere else.

As a mother, I made sure the conditions and pay were not only competitive but that they felt valued, so that they would not feel the need to look for other work.

Good childcare should be valued, but it doesn't sound like either of you are happy!

I would explain to her that a salary increase is impossible at the moment, terms and conditions are as per signed contract.

I would also interview for other nannies to consider your options.

ImprobablePuffin · 16/09/2021 19:50

OP with the first nanny, what discussions were had or warnings/probations given prior to being fired?

Wowthisisreal · 16/09/2021 18:02

"The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties"

What do you consider a nanny's duties to be?

Derbee · 16/09/2021 16:35

Also, when you take on the responsibility of being someone’s employer, and they rely on the job you are providing, you have a responsibility to be a sensible and reasonable employer.

You husband wanting to “fire her ASAP” without any sort of discussion about conditions/expectations/pay etc is outrageously flippant.

It absolutely doesn’t matter whether someone works for you in an office, or in your home. There are ways of treating people, and managing professional relationships. You don’t seem to have grasped the concept yet

Pinkspecs · 16/09/2021 16:05

' The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties. '

Sorry I couldn't get passed that, isn't her duty meant to be to play games with her and entertain her?
Surely the actual childcare should be the priority.

Sounds like you need a cleaner too.

Frenchforkids3 · 16/09/2021 15:54

As someone who has had nannies for the last 8 years I want to say I think you might be the problem. Calling them girls. No wonder she doesn’t want to work for you. Treat your employees with more respect!
I don’t think you’re cut our to hire a nanny, perhaps look at a child minder? A good nanny is worth their weight in gold but you need to be prepared to be a good employer and work with them to find a balance.

pinkyredrose · 16/09/2021 14:40

You don't sound very easy to work for I'm afraid. I get a sense that you think you're better than them, a higher class maybe. Forgive me if I'm wrong but that's how you're coming across.

bg21 · 16/09/2021 14:34

do you work op?