Should we fire our current nanny?

OP won’t be back. These types never come back

The OP said:
First nanny: She seemed great with our baby, knew a ton of games and development stuff. However, she was a slacker.
Second nanny: The second one we got wasn't as good at playing games with LO and entertaining her but at least she does her duties.

I am not sure what are your priorities when hiring a nanny. I thought the nanny´s duty is to entertain and play with the child.

So the second nanny was not good at playing with LO and entertaining, bt at least she does her duties?

I am confused
Do you need a nanny (child-care) or a cleaner? Or a houskeeper?
Or all of them for a pay of one?

(PS. The first nanny was crying because you were unfair. She played with the kid and entertained. You know, doing a nanny. Very unfair)

@DearFatties it’s mumsnet

On the contrary, the OP will see the responses and know deep down that a large part of the problem lies with her attitude to nannies. She may not respond or come back but she’s been corrected and can reflect on that in private.

[quote DearFatties]@MolyHolyGuacamole you don’t have all the facts as you’ve stated, yet you’re making assumptions and being really rude. No wonder people get so upset on MN when you decide you’re simply ‘qualified’ in your assumptions. They’re ASSUMPTIONS, not fact. But go off, keep feeling superior to strangers online.[/quote]
Thank you for clarifying that they are, as I stated, assumptions 😂 you're repeating what I said and saying what they're not. Ok. They are also not elephants, so thanks again for clarifying.

Also, the first sarcasm came from the OP, but whatever. You’re clearly of the same ilk, so we’ll have to agree to disagree.

@DearFatties FACT is that OP resents the salary she’s paying, and they want to fire the nanny ASAP.

It is also FACT to point out that she CANNOT do this. IF, and I did say IF she CAN do that, then it means that her employment is not being done above board.

Also, people who don’t respect others because they employ them, don’t tend to have “shining light” moments where they suddenly value the job that their employee is doing. They don’t suddenly have an epiphany and realise it’s disrespectful to refer to WOMEN as GIRLS.

So nice try, but nonsense IMO

Oh come off it - the OP was never going to have a shining light moment about the way she treats this ‘girl’.

And @Derbee by behaving as lots of posters have on here, you aren’t actually helping the baby cause at all. Many OPs will either get defensive or won’t come back. So by not asking questions, making assumptions or being sarcastic and rude or having a go, you neither help this current nanny or any subsequent ones because most OPs aren’t going to have a shining light moment based on such responses. If you engage with people and give advice without jumping down their throat, you’re likely to have more success in your cause.

@Derbee I have given my advice to the OP about talking to her nanny. But making assumptions isn’t fair or right. You’re now making out she’s employing someone illegally. It’s hyperbole, deal with the facts instead of having a. Go at someone based upon things you’ve made up! If you’re problem is that she wants to fire her ASAP then reply based upon that, not things which aren’t necessarily true because they fit your narrative.

@DearFatties the OP should be getting a hard time. The nanny relies on her wages for living, and the OP is casually talking about firing her ASAP. That is not how you treat employees. Never mind the fact that it’s illegal, it’s immoral.

And if the OP is actually in a situation where she can fire the nanny ASAP without consequence, it means she’s been employed illegally and OP hasn’t been paying NI, overtime, sickness and holiday pay etc etc which is shameful.

Either way, the OP sounds awful and its appalling that so many nannies have to work for such difficult people without proper rights

@MolyHolyGuacamole you don’t have all the facts as you’ve stated, yet you’re making assumptions and being really rude. No wonder people get so upset on MN when you decide you’re simply ‘qualified’ in your assumptions. They’re ASSUMPTIONS, not fact. But go off, keep feeling superior to strangers online.

I don't like the use of 'confronted'

'she hasn’t said she doesn’t work, she said she was a first time mum'

She said 'FTM' which can also mean full time mum (same as SAHM), so it's an easy mistake to make.

'She also said she WAS paying over the average salary, about 20% more and that that hadn’t seemed to work so she would interview one of the other girls who was asking for less, so where you’ve got the idea she’s trying to do someone out of money I don’t know. '

She said the first nanny came at a premium.
She said the current nanny wants a 30-35% payrise (maybe taking her in line with the premium wage the first nanny got?)
She said the new nanny will work for 20% less than the current nanny gets.
This means the new nanny would work for 50-55% less than the current nanny wants.
That's a massive fluctuation in wages and suggests the OP has not sought clear advice on what the going rate is. Nanny rates don't fluctuate that much.

'She also mentioned more than just pacifiers'

She said she sometimes left a plate and glass on the side in the kitchen. It's hardly gross negligence is it? More a slight issue to raise in a performance review.

Also both parties - it is a two way relationship of employer and employee. And the employee has rights as well and I am not convinced you have grasped that

OP have you spoken to your current baby about what she dislikes in her position?

this made me properly lol. OP should definitely have the baby give the nanny - and her - a performance review.

[quote DearFatties]@MolyHolyGuacamole you seem to be intent on giving the OP a hard time…she hasn’t said she doesn’t work, she said she was a first time mum. She also said she WAS paying over the average salary, about 20% more and that that hadn’t seemed to work so she would interview one of the other girls who was asking for less, so where you’ve got the idea she’s trying to do someone out of money I don’t know. She also mentioned more than just pacifiers. If you can’t give decent advice based on what the OP has actually stated, there’s no need to attack her.[/quote]
She didn't say she was a first time mum, she said she was a FTM, which I have already clarified as a misunderstanding. Another PP thought it meant trans!

And as for the pay, OP hasn't clarified wha the alleged 'market rate' for her area is, despite being asked. I bet it's not that great.

But it's fine, you feel how you feel and as a nanny (who's luckily had great families but have heard far too many stories of difficult parents with unreasonable expectations) I feel qualified in my assumptions. And most of the PPs on this thread seem to be in agreement.

OP I've worked as a nanny and I am currently someone who employs a nanny.

Calling them 'girl' and talking casually about firing them is disrespectful. Your child was happy with the first one and you fired after two months for the sake of dirty dishes. Your child is happy and attached to the current one and you're being odd with her as well.

The fact that she accepted one rate of pay so recently and is now, so soon, asking for a significant increase suggests to me that the duties in the role are in excess of what she expected. Could that be the case?

Did you spend time explaining your expectations and outlining the role?

For example, I've told our current nanny to prioritise engaging and playing with the children over household chores. If she's on the floor playing with them with a stack of dirty dishes next to the sink- I am happy.

I would be equally within my rights to ask her to clean dishes and fold laundry- but then I couldn't complain if I came in to see the children parked in front of Bluey while she did it.

It's about communicating your expectations and priorities. The same as employing anyone in any role. Do you manage people in your career? A nanny isn't much different. Tell her how you define success in the role from the outset.

If you're particular- then know that about yourself and accept it. Set out a clear list of duties and expectations, don't expect her to mind read. If you want xyz done during naps or whatever, then say so.

You need to have a look at yourself before you employ anyone else or you will keep having the same issue. It's not fair to your DC to have a revolving door of caretakers

OP have you spoken to your current baby about what she dislikes in her position? Is it just the rate of pay? It would be worth getting some feedback before you look at rehiring and make sure you have clear expectations for the job within their contract that they are aware of before the accept the position so that you can reach an agreement.

@MolyHolyGuacamole you seem to be intent on giving the OP a hard time…she hasn’t said she doesn’t work, she said she was a first time mum. She also said she WAS paying over the average salary, about 20% more and that that hadn’t seemed to work so she would interview one of the other girls who was asking for less, so where you’ve got the idea she’s trying to do someone out of money I don’t know. She also mentioned more than just pacifiers. If you can’t give decent advice based on what the OP has actually stated, there’s no need to attack her.

You mention your husband a few times, is he the force behind giving the nannies the push? Is he just upset about the money you are paying or other things too. Or is everything jointly decided?

It does seem to me that a lot of people are extraordinarily casual about the serious responsibility they are taking on when they become the employer of a nanny. Like, because they work in your home, they are a domestic servant and you can just "fire them ASAP" like this is the Victorian era and you can chuck your housemaid onto the street if she doesn't scrub the pots to your liking. The salary I pay my nanny keeps the roof over her head, it enabled her to support her terminally ill husband. She's the person I rely on to keep my kids safe and happy and fed while I'm at work, to spot trouble and hold them in her arms and love them like I would. Offering a job is a big deal and you should take great care in who you offer it to. Employing a nanny is a big deal and you have to manage them. That means discussing expectations clearly, giving feedback, reviewing to see if things are working, managing an exit professionally if they are not.

Having to fire 2 nannies doesn't mean you are a terrible employer, it can mean you had 2 shit nannies. I suspect OP's real problem is in choosing in the first place!

I think you need to work on your communication skills to be honest. You're looking for your third nanny in less than a year ...... there's a reason for that.
There are always two sides to a story and I'd love to hear the nannies versions!
Oh and I can't abide it when employers call someone 'a girl'. I presume they've both been over the age of 16 and are women?

Hi OP,
It feels like there are some communications issues here that are compounding your problems. Have you tried doing reviews with your nannies? Arrange a time to sit down together after the first month and then again at 6 months maybe. In my experience it gives both you and your nanny a chance to go over whats going well and what might need some work. Its very hard working in someone's home and likewise having someone work in your home, small things tend to be made into bigger issues than they need to be, on both sides.
With your current nanny maybe you could have a sit down and figure out why she is asking for a raise, if you'd like her to stay then you could suggest implementing the raise at 1 year if things have gone well.
Do be careful with having a high turnover of nannies though, its always a massive red flag to me when applying for jobs.

First, you can’t just “fire” someone you employ, you need to give them notice and pay them during their notice period.

Second, it’s pretty disruptive for your child to keep chopping and changing like this. That’s why most parents think of changing nanny as a last resort.

Third, I agree the talk of “firing” and “girl”, and the fact you’re shopping around for replacements rather than trying to fix things with your current nanny, doesn’t make you sound like a great employer.

If you want having a nanny to work out then what you do is you choose as carefully as possible (speak to references, have a paid trial day etc) and once you have found someone good you treat them really well. If there’s something you’re not happy with you speak to them professionally and kindly about it. And you encourage them to tell you anything they’re struggling with too. Treat your nanny how you would like to be treated in your job.

Good luck.