childminder and force feeding ishoos

again apologies if I'm being naive, but isn't accomodating parents' different wishes something a cm just has to learn to deal with?

I think if you can bring this up calmly with your CM you might be surprised by her response. It may simply not have occurred to her that you want it done any other way, especially if that's how she brought her own children up.

Obviously, if she insists that rule has to stand in her house then you would have a big decision to make regarding her continuing to care for her child but it may not come to that. And you are not overreacting to this issue (if that's what you suspect). It is very very important and is a decision a parent should make not a CM. She may be happy to do what you wish or you may be able to find a compromise.

Teaching a child they have to finish everything on their plate is not good practice for parents or childminders.
Teaching a child to eat good food rather than rubbish is very different to 'eat all that'.
Children will generally only eat until they are full, unless taught otherwise.

I know from experience, I used to make DD eat everything that was on her plate, as my mother did with me, she will now eat tons, huge platefuls, because she has lost the undertanding that she has had enough, she isn't suffering because I don't give her too much but I have to encourage her to only eat what she wants from her plate, vegetables first, obviously. If I let her she would be terribly overweight now.

I've done it myself, I'll be eating my dinner and feel like I've ahd enough, but I don't stop eating because ym brain has been trained to finish my plate, it is not healthy and I have had problems with weight for years, going from a size 8 to a size 18 within a few months and vice versa, many a time. So I personally would definitely mention to the childminder that I didn't want DD to be force fed, because of these ishoos, it is our place to make sure we don't create eating disorders.

DS is different, he was fed on demand as a baby and has never been made to finish his dinner, he will be told to eat the 'good' stuff rather than the treats, but if he has had enough, then he doesn't have to finish it, he unlike his sister never has to be watched wrt overeating.

Talk to your CM, before this gets too big a problem for you.

I am sure that dusty and amidaiwish are right, and that she is not 'force-feeding' per se.

It's always upsetting to see your child cry, whatever the circumstances

Dustystar does have a very good point though, speak to the CM first as dd MAY have been crying because she wanted to stop as you'd arrived? (quite normal ime).

OMG, I'm a CM and would never make a child finish their food if they didn't want it! . I do have a rule that if they don't eat a reasonable amount of their lunch/dinner, they don't get dessert and this is something I wouldn't change for a parents as it would be unfair on everyone else (they could provide food if they wanted or not come to me) BUT I'd never ever force feed a child!!! My poor dh was brought up with his mother insisting all was eaten and if they didn't eat it, the food would be served up cold the next day!!

I can totally understand why you are upset and I suggest you explain this to your CM.

How old is your dd btw?

and i do think there is a mile of difference between a bit of cajoling

"go on, eat a bit more, you'll be hungry" or "that broccoli is tasty, eat it up" or "you've got to eat a bit more"

vs
"sit there and eat everything"

If you are concerned then speak to your cm about it. We do have certain house rules and this may well be one of hers but if you have any concerns it is always better to discuss them with your CM so that you can come to an agreement about how to proceed.

It may be that while she is slower at eating than the other mindees she is generally not distressed about having to finish her food. She may have become upset because you had arrived and she wanted to be with you.

no jumping here, i couldn't agree more.

is cm fat? i know that doesn't seem relevant, but it'll make it less likely she argues with you if you say you have a dfferent approach to food!

I would be estremely angry and upset by this, it happened to me at school, sometimes DD eats, sometimes she doesn't, the nursery lets us know what h=she has eaten, but they nver force her, and we don't either as don't want her to start having issues with food. Can you not speak quietly to CM?

you can't just leave it. Tell her it is totally at odds with your attitudes to food. Perhaps she didn't want the last two mouthfuls because she was full? It's horrible trying to force more food into yourself when you're already full. Personally I don't think finishing what's on your plate is necessarily an appropriate rule for a child living in a society where food is cheap and plentiful and where the problem is children and adults eating more than they need. How on earth is your DD supposed to learn to regulate her own appetite and only eat when she's hungry if she is being forced to eat food she does not have an appetite for?

why not say that you don't agree with forcing your dd to carry on eating when she's had enough.

maybe she could give her a very small portion, that she would finish, and then give more?

I agree with you that it's a really bad idea to create that much stress over food.

are you sure this rule about finishing what's on your plate is what the other parents want the cm to enforce? Do they even know this is what she does?

your child, your rules, surely? Or am I naive?