childminder and force feeding ishoos

Thank you for the update, cuppa.

Glad you managed to sort things out, it sounds like you handled it very well

really glad everything is sorted out now

cuppa - this is bang out of order i'm sorry you are having probs. with your c/m - this kind of action is just setting your daughter up for an eating disorder in my opinion - i am a childminder and would never ever treat a child in this way even if it was how the mother wanted it - your childminder should be looking after your dd the way you want - it is hard to juggle several different childcare regimes but it is possible - if she can't care for your dd the way you want you must go elsewhere

bigshopper, I won't allow snacks unless I feel the ate enough dinner, but mine have bath and bed within an hour or so after dinner anyway so I don't really get asked for snacks then.

If they are still hungry after a decent amount of a meal is eaten then I offer fruit normally and they choose their own lunches froma selection of things so I don't really have a problem with it, I honestly think that keeping them at the table is plenty, and just refusing snacks in place of dinner.

It is normally enough with fussy eaters too, keep serving things up, eventually they'll eat them, the problem is when food becomes a battle.

I also try to remember there are things I really cannot stand to eat, so they are allowed to totally refuse one or two things, just not everything, with DD it's butternut squash and with DS it's carbonara!

oh dear,poor dd.
i think being forced to finish everything is a bit much and not very kind atall.
can you suggest to cm to give smaller portions?

amidaiwish, r u serious? "is cm fat?"
why should that mean anything?? do all fat people force feed children?

I have mixed feelings too. I never insist my kids finish, as don't want food to be an issue, but have realised that half the time they just get bored 1/2 way through and go off to play, then they're back demanding yogurt and toast later on. The answer is probably to completely ban all snacks so if they're hungry they just have to eat the meal.

cuppa, wanted to add I think you're doing the right thing, food should not be a battle, they eat or they don't, as NAB said children are much better at regulating what they eat.

No-one should force children to clear their plate for the reasons I said earlier, if you're worried children will get down to play rther than be full, just don't let them leave the table til everyone has finished. If they are still hungry and have to sit at the table they will eat, if they are not they won't.

The trouble is that lots of the time children want to get down to play, not because they have had enough. Then you find they want to have snacks an hour later, which parents give thinking the poor dc will starve, which then decreases their appetite for the next meal iyswim.

Well, if you have something on Doctor's advice I'd say CM has to stick to that too!

Forcing becomes more about the mental battle than about the food and you don't want to build up associations there!

Ouch, this does sound like the CM's rule is a bit harsh then, if she makes them finish EVERYTHING, EVERY time. Blah. Poor DD!

It sounds a bit ridiculous to say a child has only eaten a little if she's finished everything on her plate and not been given any more. Then again, if she's given extra helpings after finishing the first lot and not finished THAT, and the CM makes her sit with it cold..... oh....

I read mary's blog at daycaredaze.wordpress.com and she has a post up recently about "I don't like pasta!" and how a child refused to eat, but now finishes it because it's that or nothing. Consistency is good, but a battle of wills isn't.

Forgot to say it also depends how big her portion sizes are as to whether she should clear her plate. I cater for the amount my dd 22mths eats (good appetite) as all the other children are 2yrs.

I really don't think a child should be forced to eat everything on their plate. They regulate their food intake much better than adults do in general and tend to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. I agree you can't undermind the CM but you need to say to her you don't want that happening again.

I think its about time you took a leaf out of the childminders book. If you had that approach at home then she would eat much better in all circumstances, thus not requiring a battle at each meal.
I had the same issues with a mother of a child I mind, whose dd now eats far better through taking my approach. i.e. no snacks between meals unless meal is eaten. Also, no pudding if first course not eaten.

right, this isnt on, your dd is at a cm, not a detention centre, you both know your dd eats little, why force food down her, she obv has a small appetite(and im not condecending, ive been there my dd is the same!), i would say to cm that as long as shes eating 'something' you dont mind if she doesnt eat it all and dont want her to be sat being made to eat something she doesnt want, tell her to follow the no dessert rule and at home, she will have to wait until next mealtime, but this is really wrong and will send totally wrong signals to your dd!

as aparent i would be fuming!
as a cm i think she was out of line and put your dd through unnesasary upset, yes your dd will have been crying cos you were there and she wanted to go with you(had this LOADS of times), but cm should know this and either should have fed her earlier(or were you early collecting?) or understood your dd would lose interest, yes shes trying to get nutricious food into you dd but at what cost?!

i would ask cm to give dd lunch a litle earlier so you dont 'clash' in times and tell her that as long as your dd is eating 'some' of these lovely meals she prepares, you dont feel the need to finish everything on the palte as your dd is not used to big / bigger meals anyway, its a gradual thing..good luck

(at CM, not you) - I've got one baby STILL in her highchair after an hour and half but not because I'm insisting - it's because she loves her grub and is only just finished - she was busy squeezing orange and making a mess on the tray then chewing it, who am I to stop her If however she's taking ages and parents turn up early and they want to go, it's quick wipe and in the highchair if that's what parents want. My only rule is to not allow those who haven't bothered with their main course to have dessert after as otherwise they'd just always end up with dessert and not trying the other food. I have one who went through a phase of pulling the filling out of a sandwich or something and then wanting to leave the table. I'd try and encourage a little more by saying about the fruit/yoghurt (which she loves) but if she insisted she's finished, that's fine, she can go hungry (if she is hungry) until snack time later!

Your poor dd and poor you

Aw cuppa, you have had a horrid experience

Sorry I was not much help

Have you asked her whether your child usually finishes all of her portion? It does sound as though she just wanted to go home with you. Children are rarely perfectly consistent and predictable - this might have been one off day!

Being with other children might have encouraged her to eat up in the past and the CM could reassure you that she doesn't need much fussing most days.

If the rule is there for everyone, but your daughter takes longer / doesn't have a huge appetite, then ask the CM whether she thinks a smaller portion might be appropriate - that way, your daughter can play by the same rules as everyone else, and perhaps have an extra half a banana or something later if she is hungry. If she has a small appetite, that way she won't really be replacing meals with snacks, rather, spreading out the day's nutritional needs in portions that feel comfortable to her.

I agree with you, that making someone eat when they're not hungry isn't a great way to go about things, but on the other hand the CM probably doesn't want to let her get grouchy and hungry so might have tried giving her a bigger mid morning snack. You could do the opposite of my other suggestion and cut back on the fruit and cracker snacks, leaving her hungry when it is meal time. I suppose you can guess which your daughter is most likely to respond well to!

your child - oops