Do I just need to accept that the house is more likely to get messy/damaged with nanny minding the kids?

Wow! Nanny here. I wouldn't ever do this!! Some days things are slightly messier than others if we've had a rough day but generally (99.9% of the time!) I will leave the house spotless. It's days where I finish at 5 are the hardest as they eat about 4:45 so I haven't had a chance to clean up from tea yet.

Which child did the scribble on table - if 7yr she knows better

If 1yr why was she able to get pens - does 7yr put away

Food on sofa. A no. That’s what tables are for. Rep messy sticky food like you mentioned

4 kids on holidays is harder then when at school. Yes it’s her job but equally agree how often do you have all 4 alone all day

Cushions. Don’t see the harm in it. But some cheap ones to jump /make dens with

I’m a nanny .
I only allow eating at the table - I’m aware the parents don’t as I often find evidence in the playroom.
Plastic table cloth for drawing and creative play a must.
Drawing on table legs - these accidents happen and nanny should have tried to clean off and told you too.
Cushions off chairs - if in play room probably acceptable but I would have checked with you first - formal rooms - no wouldn’t happen.
I ensure the children get out every day and get a chance to let of steam in parks etc.
We don’t watch tv on my watch I leave that for the parents - we are far too busy.
You need to set clear rules and the nanny should respect your home. She should be capable of caring for the children and provide fun, developmentally appropriate activities without your home suffering.
You do get what you pay for - I’m assuming she has childcare qualifications and has covered working in homes in her training ?

Luckily, @Notenoughcider, nannies can’t be ‘just sacked’ for things such as this, as our employment rights are as valid as in any other professions. There is a process of verbal and written warnings etc which would have to be adhered to.

Personally, I would sack your nanny. She has not adhered to you house rules and disrespected your boundaries. There are those saying let it go, it's only a sofa etc. But to me, it is much more than that. What else is she willing to let slide?

How much freedom does she have to take them out? Is she capable of taking them all to the park for a good run around/climb etc? Or does she generally stay at home with them?

I couldn’t with mine, we are out in all weathers, being at home for more than a few hours each time would drive us insane.

Four kids with oldest being 7 is not entirely straightforward so I think pens on table type stuff is par for course honestly. I would ask her not to take cushions off sofa or eat on it. Then see how things are.

Ordinarily I would be quick to say nannies should absolutely not be allowing this but…

4 kids from age 7 to 1 during the summer holidays is seriously hard work, especially if the eldest is a defiant rather than a compliant type, and especially with the ropey weather.

Have you looked after all 4 by yourself for full days much? Or is it generally at the weekends with DH there too? As if you haven’t had to do it solo that often, and not for days on end, you may be underestimating how difficult a job it is?

Also you say damage happens more under her watch… but how many days does she have them vs you? If she has them 4 or 5 days and you have them 2 or 3 then obviously more damage will happen on her watch just as a matter of maths…

All that said, I would be annoyed about the eating on the sofa and that should definitely be something she can enforce.

Part of me feels like IABU because they are happy.
No wonder they are happy, it sounds like she is letting them run riot when you aren’t there. This would give me concern about what kind of standard of care she is actually providing, it doesn’t sound very professional.

You need to detail the house rules - if the kids are not allowed to eat outside the kitchen with you / then same should apply when she is in charge. I have had a nanny in the past and they asked what rules we had. I don't have many but eating together at the table was one. Shoes off at the door was another. I also would not have allowed jumping in the furniture!

Absolutely no way.

I worked as a nanny and would never have let the kids do something the parents had said not to.

I'd tell her again and if she allows the behaviour I'd have her clean it. A nanny who your kids like doesn't give the nanny a pass to behave like that. She's supposed to be an adult.

We've had nannies for years and most of this would not be acceptable. I'd be relaxed about jumping on cushions because that's a typical kid thing and shouldn't cause staining, and with regards to paint on the table is there a cover for it the nanny can use? But the rest of it sounds like inadequate supervision, frankly.

I had a nanny like this. I sacked her. I didn’t want to come home from work, start cleaning, getting food stains off the sofa, pen marks off the walls. She is taking the piss. Is her name Emmie?

Of course they love her - she lets them run riot! I wouldn't accept this behaviour - from any of them. I'm in full agreement a house is a home but sounds like they're trashing the place!

However... you're in a bit of bind as it's a bit late to start changing nannies and imposing rules now. So I suppose you'll have to stick with it if the DC are happy. Things will change as they get older.

Well... it was never an issue when my DC were that age, but I would absolutely never have employed a nanny who allowed them to eat anywhere other than at the table. There were some absolute non-negotiables for me: eating only at the table was one. Sleeping in their own beds was another.

However, I did let them jump on the playroom sofa (knowing it would be trashed). We had an adults-only sitting room with a lock on it, in order to contain the 'child-friendly' areas.

Paint etc - I had a sacrificial plastic tablecloth for the kitchen table, which was on all day and removed when XH and I had supper at night.

Felt-tips on furniture can happen even in the best-regulated families, and I would never have blamed a nanny for that.

Btw I don’t think the things you have mentioned are having high standards but very reasonable.

Before I read this, I was going to say yabu but letting the dcs eat messy food on the sofa, teamed with paint on the table etc, really not on!

I always leave the house I work in in a the same state as I found it, usually tidier. I think a good nanny should be encouraging children to eat at the table anyway, for social reasons, good manners etc. It's fine to reiterate that to her - food is to be eaten at the table, nowhere else.
Sofa cushions - hmm, my opinion is that as long as they are not being damaged, is there really a problem with kids playing with them? They make great dens and they are useful for letting off steam on rainy days. I presume they can be cleaned.
The felt tip pens incident could have happened at any time, accidents happen with little kids. I would have tried to clean it up and mentioned it to you though.
Paint on the table - have you got a good, wipe clean tablecloth so that they can do messy play without damaging the table? I don't see a problem with mentioning to her that she should protect the table surface.

Set some rules and boundaries. Too many people who would manage someone with clear goals in the office somehow feel it’s wrong to do it at home. It’s not. Write it down, brief her, manage her against the goals. If then she does it you have an issue, but maybe she just doesn’t know what you want.

How old are the four kids?

It will all need replacing before they are teens. If they are genuinely happy then I would let it go. Happy kids are worth far more than a beautiful house.