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Original poster

Aupair employers - when does the weekend start for yours? and other questions...

59 replies

laura032004 · 30/11/2007 19:43

I'm struggling a bit with this. Our ap is great, and does whatever I ask, but I'm loathe to ask for some things for fear of seeming unreasonable. If you lot can tell me it's standard practise, I'll feel a lot more confident

We're working on a 25hrs per week contract. So 5 hours per day Monday - Friday. I would say I ask her to do nowhere near that amount of hours 'work'. However, I'm more or less happy with that, as she does lend a hand at other times too. I had envisaged her working 9-11 then 4.30-7.30, but it isn't really working out that way. She has language classes two mornings a week so leaves the house at 8am on those days. She doesn't get back until 1pm at the earliest, and I've said she's free to go to the gym afterwards, so I can't really expect her back much before 3pm. She also has a class on evening per week, so leaves at 5pm latest for that, but again, I've said tag going to the gym onto the class, so she'll probably leave at 3pmish. So basically I'm losing her for 3 of my 'sessions' per week. Also, the last two weeks, she has gone out on a Friday evening (I've said that's fine btw, as I didn't know what else to say), but that means I lose another sessions help. So out of 10, I'm actually getting 6.

I'm a SAHM, so I only really ask her to tidy the kitchen twice a day, hoover and tidy downstairs twice a day, and then another task of about half an hour once a day (clean bathroom, change DS's sheets, hoover upstairs, iron 5 shirts, mop kitchen floor). That's not too strenous is it? But I can't leave the kitchen on the times she's not around, so I'm doing that myself. Same with tidying and hoovering.

So what do I do? Can I say she can't go out on a Friday until 7.30pm? (I'd be happy to negotiate to say 7pm) What about the other days? Would you ask her to tidy the kitchen before she goes out in a morning? There's not really much to do, but it just grates a bit when I end up doing it.

Feel free to say if I'm being unreasonable? She's also contracted for 2 nights per week babysitting, but we're unlikely to use more than one night per month.

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blueshoes · 30/11/2007 20:43

ignore that bit at the bottom ...

Original poster
laura032004 · 30/11/2007 20:43

I was wondering if I could say something like the Sunday swap Frannikin. It doesn't really matter much for now, as we're away next w/e, then she goes home for Xmas the following Friday. However, I really like her, so I don't want these niggles to get in the way of a good relationship.

She did offer to get up with the kids on Sunday morning, which to be honest, I'd swap quite a few nights kitchen tidying for The only thing is that she doesn't currently get up before 8.30am, and since our two wake at approx 5am, she doesn't really know our morning routine.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 30/11/2007 20:42

Hi Laura, agree that a timetable is the way to go. Mine is written up in advance and it is a basis for negotiation once aupair starts to deviate for lessons, nights out etc.

It seems that your aupair has fixed times where she has to be out of the house and not doing duties (as you said, 6 out of 10). I would then discuss with her how she can make up for these times on other occasions on a permanent basis eg babysitting, tidying on a weekend, more ironing. This is a formal change of the timetable, staying till 7-ish on a Friday night. That way, if she is not particularly happy with the change, she can see if she can re-arrange her lessons or classes for a timing that is more in accordance with the original arrangement.

I think the amount of cleaning is fine. My ap is great with cleaning and does all you described.

I think for you, because you are a SAHM, you require more cleaning of your aupair than usual. Same in my case. Although I work, my ds goes to ft nursery and dd is at school, so the childcare side is light. I make it up with cleaning duties.

I su

BrummieOnTheRun · 30/11/2007 20:26

our girl used to knock off at 7-ish, and it was clear that the place needed to be in order before she finished.

a timetable is definitely the answer. you can always adjust it.

frannikin · 30/11/2007 20:24

Well is there anything you could get her to do in advance? Or say "yes you can go out, but I expect you to do it when you come back".

Or trade tidying kitchen after meal for food prep (Washing/chopping veg) before one?

I'd say you're not unreasonble to expect her to work til 7.30, and maybe say that as she's off to language classes 3 times a week when you'd ideally like her help you'd appreciate a thorough tidy up on Sunday evening in exchange?

Original poster
laura032004 · 30/11/2007 20:15

Pollyanna - x-posts

Yes, she understands what the job entails, it's just I don't know how to approach asking her to do things as well as going out.

I initially said I was flexible about what was done when, but maybe I've been too flexible. Timetable might be in order I suppose, although I didn't want to seem so rigid. I suppose if I show her an ideal scenario timetable, then she'll try and keep as close to it as possible. I just feel petty saying that I'd like her to do things before she goes out, but then that's what I'm paying her for!

I get the feeling that she knows she's not doing all that much (she's a really nice girl, I've been very lucky), but what can I do if she wants to go out, and is asking me if there is anything she can do, but there isn't anything, because the mess is created later, so I need the help later. Can I say she can't go out until then?

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Original poster
laura032004 · 30/11/2007 20:11

Did you understand that I meant that she does one of those each day? So one day she hoovers upstairs, one day she cleans the bathroom etc?

I would say they are only light housework myself - she doesn't 'scrub' the bathroom, just wipes it down. Same with mopping - just a quick swish round with a vileda supermop, not down on hands and knees getting in all corners like I do. I do all the toilets, and properly do the floors, bathrooms etc once a week. DH is away, so there is just me, the ap and two DS's (1&3) in the house. I would say since she's been here, that the house is never dirty or particularly untidy, as she's great at doing everything. My only gripe is that 4 times a week, it's not being done, and is this normal?

I don't really expect any 'childcare' just a helping hand. I only leave her alone with DS2 for 5 minutes whilst I nip DS1 to nursery or back. DS2 is normally asleep if I do this. If he's awake, I take him.

OP posts:
Pollyanna · 30/11/2007 20:09

Hi Laura, I also have a cleaner and an ap, and my ap is primarily to help me with childcare - school runs/evening routine etc.
I would suggest writing a timetable for her of what you expect her to do each day, and when. (although you might say that she can do, say, the ironing whenever she wants). I think the more you spell out what you need the better.

I also like the house tidy in the morning, but my ap has been here since June and still I come back to find crap all over the floor and breakfast things out and she has gone off to college. It annoys the hell out of me. I think the issue is, don't assume that she will realise what you want - you have to write it down.

Did she know when she started what the job entails?

curiouscat · 30/11/2007 20:02

Hi laura, this is a minefield but at first sight it looks to me as if you're asking a bit too much on the cleaning front. Hoovering, mopping kitchen floor, cleaning bathrooms are jobs for a cleaner not an au pair - they go beyond light housework I think. We're in W London and light housework might be making beds or tidying dishes but not much more. Perhaps this is why she's so keen to get away all the time.

I write having had aupairs myself but always had a cleaner too. So the ap was in charge of the 3 children and there was no overlap problem. Good luck anyway, it's really hard trying not to upset them but not wanting to be walked all over either.