Aupair employers - when does the weekend start for yours? and other questions...

Blimey!...I go to work for a day and look what happens! Anna spouts some pompous rubbish!
Honestly!!!!!!... Every au pair and family is different and as long as terms and conditions have been discussed and agreed to, then everyone is happy which is surely the idea of an exchange !
I personally ask for a lot from my AP, she does most of the cleaning and has sole responsibility for my ds's a couple of days a week... however I pay her a lot, she has her own car, her own flat, petrol money, time to study for an NVQ including working in a nursery, 2 days a week a college and loads of time off! Exploitation! I don't think so!

No you're not an employer because your ap is treated as part of the family. That's the official stance.

Intrigued by anna's passing reference to the Council of Europe's European Agreement on Au Pair Placement 1969, I did a little digging around.

It was only ratified by 5 states, UK not included.

Read more from this page from the European Committee for Social Cohesion:

"3. At the outset, the CDCS would like to stress that the employment of an au pair is intended primarily to promote cultural exchange between young people and very rarely leads to situations of domestic slavery, despite the occasional cases of abuse that have been reported.

The European Agreement on Au Pair Placement dates from 1969. It contains provisions ? now obsolete ? on the relations between the host family and the au pair. In view of the small number of ratifications (five member states), the CDCS began by considering whether it would be worth revising and updating the Agreement. The replies to the questionnaires it sent to all the members showed that this question excited little political interest and that very few states would ratify the Agreement even if it were altered."

In any case the convention takes the view that an aupair shares the same duties in childcare and home maintenance like every one in the host family house, so it does not rule out housework. I am afraid, anna, it is not as black-and-white as you put it.

The bit explaining about the international agreement is here

Afraid I disagree with you too Anna. Every ap I've ever known does housework, as well as a bit of playing with the kids.

The problem is that the term au pair is now bandied around by people who essentially want a nanny on an au pair wage.

And definitions of an au pair:
"The au pair helps the family with childcare, housework, or both while staying as a guest of the family and generally receiving a small allowance (or pocket money)."

"Whilst living with a family, an au pair participates not only in childcare but also in other related activities, ranging from light housework to babysitting, or even helps older children develop particular skills (such as learning a new language or sport)."

"An international agreement, signed by several countries, says that an au pair is a person who joins a host family to help around the house and look after children. In return the au pair is to receive board and lodgings plus pocket money and must also be given the opportunity to study the language and culture of the host country."

Certainly the au pairs we had when I was younger were treated as part of the family and that involved being a big sister (or brother, but we never had a male au pair) to me and my siblings, and helping with the chores, including laundry, cooking and cleaning. So in the kitchen my mother cooked, my brother set the table for meals, my sister cleared away, I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, au pair wiped down surfaces and floor. Simple sharing of duties in the playroom, bedrooms and bathroom. Cleaning is part and parcel of being an au pair.

It's not like Laura's au pair never spends time with the children! She just rarely has sole charge of them. And that in my view IS normal.

Just wanted to chip in to agree that au pairs are NOT there to just help with children, they are most definitely there to help around the house!

I'm a little confused here - you're a SAHM and need an au pair to help around the house. Surely it would be easier to get a cleaner in for a few hours a day?

erm, ignore that not exploitative!

The essence of an aupair is live-in (although I recognise there are live-out aupairs, though more rare). The nature of live-in arrangements is that there is a lot of give-and-take on both sides.

As opposed to fixed roles and work times. And everything is up for negotiation. We all know of aupairs who claim to have childcare experience when all they did was hold their baby nephew for 10 minutes before handing him back. Some aupairs are good at childcare (one applicant was nanny standard) and others better at light housework. Some can drive, others cook up a storm. Once I make an offer, I play to the strengths of the aupair, with gentle guidance. So she does not have to feel out-of-water. I wanted my aupair to shield moe from my dcs whilse I cook, but if my dcs will only have me when I am in the house, then I will ask her to chop the vegetables instead.

That way, I don't force my dcs on her and everyone is happy and feels useful.

I cannot see how it is not exploitative.

oooh, chapter and verse. Links please.

anna, the schoolrun comment was just in reply to your suggested title of 'housemaid' ... I think my aupair likes being called an aupair, tbh

But blueshoes, they are not "my rules" - there is an international convention on au pairs...

Sorry anna, we have to agree to disagree. The aupair market has moved on and market forces dictate. It does not operate by your rules, I'm afraid.

Au pairs can do school run, that is within their job description of childcare.

No, I am not describing a nanny. A nanny may have sole charge for many hours a day and has skills (whether qualified or through experience) in bringing children up (as opposed to playing with them/keeping an eye on them while they play).

Au pairs are not supposed to do any housework generated by parents. They are not supposed to be a cheap form of household labour.

my aupair does the school run as well, muddies the waters

they do, anna. You are describing a classic nanny's role (and even that is open to negotiation).

An aupair is NOT a nanny. She is not qualified or skilled, she is not a professional childcarer. She is a member of the family who offers an extra pair of hands in the house in return for accommodation and pocket money.

blueshoes - I don't know what kind of contract your "au pair" has with you... if you need housework, not childcare, you ought to be calling her a housemaid .

It's all a bit like typists getting called PAs, methinks

Au pairs are supposed to clear up their own mess, and the mess the children make (and are too small to clear up themselves). So - they keep their own bedroom and the children's bedroom clean and tidy, they do their own and the children's laundry.

They are not supposed to do ironing for other adults or heavy/general housework.

Anna, I think your calling cleaning tasks housemaid tasks reflects your attitude to housework - avoid as much as possible?

I happen to think they are good for the soul and would love to do it, but for my dcs clamouring for me all the time.

I take great pains to treat my aupair as a member of my family. And every member of my family mucks in. My dh does dishes, cooks, gardens, cleans, hoovers, irons. So do I.

Let's put it in the converse - because what would happen is that dh/I would end up cooking for the whole family, washing dishes, cleaning, doing her laundry as my aupair sits around on the internet (both dcs are in fulltime nursery/school)?

My household does not require much childcare. It does require cleaning. It is in the job description on my advert. I get hundreds (literally) of applications. So I don't feel any twinge of guilt.

No, because it's your house.

I'm constantly amazed that people expect au pairs to do housework that isn't directly related to the children. Au pairs are supposed to be learning English (or whatever the language of the country is) and in return do childcare and child-related chores, not general family chores.

Actually I don't think doing these cleaning tasks make aupairs 'housemaids'. It sounds demeaning to her good work which I value highly and thank her many times for. Having a clean and ordering house has given me and my family such comfort and serenity.

If my aupair did not do it, I would be the one doing it. Does that make ME a housemaid?