Nanny looking for a new job without informing us

It could be that lockdown and Covid changes have just made her think her job is too hard, perhaps she now wants school age children so she has a break.

Honestly, I would ask if she can stay for a glass of wine and discuss her review (are you able to offer a pay rise even a small percentage or perhaps something else).

Or come home with a bottle of wine for her , just to say thank you for getting through Covid as a nanny (it’s been incredibly lonely and tough for us).

I have stayed in jobs for years but when I felt it was time to move on I certainly didn’t tell my bosses, I once interviewed for a job, did a trial day and then turned down the job. I stayed another three years for the family I was considering leaving at the time.

Finally- not sure what people mean to be put upon, it’s a nanny dream (unless they’re young and need some guidance) to have free rein of the activities, not micro managed by a mum. You sound like a lovely person and I wonder if just a polite chat about whether there are any changes you could make that would keep her longer.

It could boil down to silly things like her having to use her own card which you reimburse, that you leave your dishes out each night, that she’s wanting a shorter commute or anything!

OP if you are 100% sure she is job hunting and saying she can start immediately, I can understand why you aren't feeling delighted! She obviously is entitled to look for another post and the reality is there's not much you can do if she suddenly leaves. You can't know that til it happens, unless you have a very frank conversation now and she confirms it. She might change her mind. It's a horrible position for you to be in.
I know someone mentioned planning activities etc. I have to say, I don't mind suggestions or occasional planned stuff, but the ideal is as much autonomy as possible. I guess it's horses for courses!

Former nanny here.

She is of course entitled to job hunt without telling you but she needs to work her notice.

That she is indicating she may not work her notice - and therefore risking no or a bad reference from you - suggests to me 3 possibilities:

1 she has done this before to other families - did you check refs including gaps in cv?

2 something about her current role is making her very unhappy - pay (are you paying at least the going rate for your area and the role she's fulfilling? Are you covering out of pocket expenses etc?) expectations, conditions,difficulties with one or more children's behaviour

3 something in her personal circumstances have changed meaning she needs to urgently change hours, location or similar (usual reasons for this are pregnancy, illness or needing to cover some care of an adult)

A good nanny would generally have the confidence to discuss if 2 or 3 are the issues, but also a good employer checks in with nanny regularly (I would say a monthly informal chat is good) just seeing how things are going, ASKING If there's anything that needs to be improved upon from either side or needs to be changed - sometimes this can be something as innocuous as a child needing a slight change to routine due to development but can be something as serious as the employer taking advantage or undermining nanny or even (sadly more common than many would like to admit) dad being an arse and sexually harassing the nanny.

There's a reason why she is looking elsewhere, if you'd like to hang onto her you're going to have to bite the bullet and approach her and ask what this is in such a way as to be open to anything she may have to say.

I left one job because one of the grandads was a creep and kept coming around unannounced ostensibly to see dc but actually to be a creepy pain in the arse! I'll be honest I didn't tell employers this was why, I said I was changing my hours to spend more time with my husband. I was young and naive and I wish now I'd told the truth, especially as I learned they lost the next nanny for the same reason.

I'm afraid I'm also concerned at your "leaving her to it" that rather sounds as if she is unsupported in her role and left with the majority of the mental load in caring for your kids.

There's a balance between being dictatorial and not taking any responsibility, can be tough to find.

She’s not your slave! If she wants to leave she’s entitled too. lol I can see why she wants to leave.

Well she’s not happy staying in your employment for whatever reason so I would start looking for another nanny. I would find out from her if she plans to work her notice or not. Also I found giving a nanny reference if very informal. It’s a chat on the phone and more personal because you are recommending someone to look after someone else’s children. I would be frank with the potential new family about the notice period and when they are expecting her to start so they are aware of the situation and can make their own decision on how trustworthy she is. Good luck finding her replacement. Finding someone with twins experience might mean they will be unfazed by looking after 2 under 2.

As others have said she is entitled to look for a new job, but you accept that

How do you know she is looking. Have you seen an active profile on childcare for example

You have nothing to lose by asking her if she is happy

Have a chat. Mention you will be sad she is looking fir a new job Ask her if anything you can do tho change situation , esp as you both said you wanted long term

Have a review, ask her if she’s happy and if there’s anything she wants to talk about.
Also, if she’s doing a good job - praise her! Everyone needs positive feedback.

Why would she tell you she's looking for a new job? She might not find one suitable for years Surely everyone keeps their options open?

I think you have nothing to lose by having a conversation. Not least because it might help you retain your next nanny if you can establish what the issue is.
I would be cross about the notice period though - it's not on to just leave someone in the lurch with childcare.

Look for a new nanny immediately. If she's worked for you for less than 2 years you can dismiss her without a reason - after that you need to pay either redundancy or severance.

I know people say it's a person's right to look elsewhere, and that's true, but this is the person who looks after your most precious DC - you need someone trustworthy. If she's saying she can start immediately she's a liar. Get rid. I'd never allow someone like that sole charge of my DC.

She's obviously not going to tell you she's looking and maybe the reasons she's leaving are not changeable, it could be lots of things - shorter hours, older children, a shorter commute.

However, you have every right legally to hold her to her notice period - that's the point of a contract. Especially if she wants a good reference.
Having said that = not tidying up at the end of the day would really piss me off - who wants to come home to a mess?

OP you don’t sound like a harsh unreasonable taskmaster, but I would suggest that if she’s definitely very actively looking rather than just idly wondering what else might be out there for the future, and saying she is available without notice that she has clearly decided at this stage that the job with you is not for her for whatever reason to the point that she would be prepared to leave without a good reference.

So in your shoes (assuming it’s not obvious to anyone with half a brain cell why she wants to leave as you’re such an unreasonable dragon!! Which doesn’t sound the case! But in that case this advice will not work...) I don’t think you have much to lose by broaching the issue. I would sit down with her with a glass of wine and say in a non confrontational manner that you’ve become aware she is looking elsewhere which you understand she is totally within her rights to do at the end of the day. However as she had said she wanted a long term opportunity and you and the kids are really happy with how things are working out from your end, and you value her as an employee, you’re a bit confused that she seems to be thinking of leaving you so soon, and worried that she is unhappy, that you care about her wellbeing as she’s looking after your children and doing a really important thing as far as you’re concerned. That you wonder if she’s unhappy about some aspect of her job that could perhaps be adjusted to suit her better, if you know what’s going on. Maybe you agreeing to pay for the odd outing for her and the kids or the odd afternoon off now and again when you can manage it around work or something is all she’s really after and something you could reasonable easily give her. Nannies talk a lot to each other and small differences in what employers do for then can make a big difference to them I think.

You did say you would have expected her to raise any concerns or problems, but I’m not sure you are totally realising the power dynamic that is there in a relationship where you are basically her boss. I wouldn’t go running to my boss with every little thing I’m unhappy about in my job, particularly things that it is probably not in his power to “fix” (such as the salary he is able and willing to offer me for example, or things that fall well within the official job remit for this job which I’ve now realised I hate and there are other roles elsewhere where I don’t have to do that particular thing) or things that he doesn’t see as a problem (and/or in fact benefit him hugely at my expense) but are for me. Those are difficult conversations to have especially if you’re not a naturally confident person or are particularly economically (or otherwise like for a visa etc) vulnerable and at the mercy of your employer to some degree. You are not equals in terms of the power you hold (although nannies obviously do hold quite a bit of power compared to other employer employee relationships as having decent childcare in place is pretty crucial!), so it’s not just as simple as you’ll tell her if you are unhappy with certain things and she should tell you no matter how much you might want that to be the case.

Anyway just my two cents. If you’re happy with her I think it’s well worth finding out what’s not working for her to see if you can come to a new arrangement that she’d be happier with. I’m not sure I’d bring up the notice thing at this stage as it’s likely to just cause conflict in that discussion. Obviously depending how that chat goes if she is still dead set on leaving ASAP then within the next few days I’d be having another chat with her saying that you understand she wants to leave, it’s unfortunate as you were very happy with her and the children were settled with her, but fair enough if she’s leaving, and you’ll keep her on til she finds what she’s looking for, only please remember you do need and expect and she agreed to 4 weeks notice which is only fair for you as you’ll be left in the lurch childcare wise otherwise. If she says she isn’t going to be able to stick to that then I think I would say in that case you’re giving her her notice now so that you can plan accordingly and not be left feeling like a childcare crisis could descend on you any second. And if she says she will stick to the contract she’s already signed about that and ultimately doesn’t then she’s just a shit person and there is nothing you could do or say to stop her acting completely selfishly. And yeah not a lot you can do although I don’t know how you pay her and maybe I’m a heartless bitch but I’d definitely be thinking if I pay at the end of each month of withholding the last month (or at least some of it) if she leaves without notice for the inconvenience unless she has a very good reason...

I’ve never been financially well off enough to have a proper nanny but I did have a few au pairs when my child was younger and one worked out amazingly for many years, one not so much but nobody’s fault and they acted fairly sticking to notice etc as actively cared about not leaving me in the lurch but just couldn’t cope with homesickness etc. and one was just a selfish person who in hindsight clearly just cynically used me and my child as a “stepping stone” to come to the UK at a time that suited her and a location close to but not quite where she wanted to be, so that she could look for a better opportunity immediately when here in the location that she wanted to be in and with a family who could afford to offer well above the usual pay and conditions most au pairs have and what I could afford to offer her. She quit less than a month in and with no notice, saying she was homesick but I found out that she didn’t go back home but on to this new opportunity locally she had scouted our behind my back. It was a really shit feeling and upset me a lot and she completely left me in the lurch with a serious childcare crisis on my hands as a single parent to the point I had to take time off work at short notice as a GP to try and solve it.

Personally I'd try to preempt her leaving by sitting down with her and saying that now she's been here X months can you have a review of anything she wants to discuss etc. and go from there. I wouldn't tell her I now she's looking but I would give her the opportunity to share her feelings on how it's going and what, if anything, she isn't happy about.

Why on earth would she tell you she's looking for another job that she might not get? Would you this in your own job?
And if she does leave without notice - what are you going to do, sue her?