Is this the right approach? Help

Was going to say a zombie thread

But fab you came back and updated @Drunkenmonkey

With covid and less interaction and seeing people some babies /toddlers are taking longer

Glad she has finally settled

Maybe she picked up on your fears

And yes far better to drop and go

My dd was the same at pre school. Always happy and confident with me but when started as was covid so no settling in sessions - had never been inside , had to leave at door etx

She cried. I cried

I’ve been in childcare for over 30yrs - 20 as a nanny and 12yrs as a maternity nurse

I know it’s better to dump and run

Nothing worse than a flaffing parent

My nanny head told me this

My mum heart knew I had to

But was hard

We had tears for maybe a month going 3 days a week but she settled by half term easily

Childminder of 28 years here ad Mum of 5.
Same as others have said. Your childminder is right. Don't think an hr is long enough though. I've 1 of 12 months settling in right now. 1st time couple of hrs then couple of half days. At that age they will suffer separation anxiety, but with a good child carer supporting them should soon settle. Definitely think you staying around would make it worse. Leave a little comfort blanket, perhaps piece of an old dressing gown of yours with your smell on it to cuddle. X

She is in good hands. This is really hard and most children have tough days at the start or more challenging later in leaving mum. As others have said quick cheery handover. Turn get out of sight and like many a mum have tears and coffee and share what you are going through with a trusted friendly colleague. I am lucky work with high portion of working mum's who knew well what going back was like so a little support was always offered. My turn now to have the coffee and tissues when our admin support returns next week. Before you know it she will run to the CM and you will like every mum be equally horrified and grateful. Big hugs

Hi @Drunkenmonkey....just found this post and wondered how things turned out for you and your little one in the end?? X

Try meeting the childminder in a park and both play with her

Maybe ask to meet for a walk on a Sunday or something

Then she will recognise her with nice memories and may help drop off?

All of mine went to nursery not a childminder and none started in that super clingy separation anxiety phase, first was 2 and the second and third were 8/9 months so not exactly the same circumstances. I found they didn't get as upset if they were taken from me to do something fun. So I get to the door, hand child over and say have a lovely day, then carer walks away saying let's look at animals or whatever as I do a big wave and leave as they can't see me. All 3 settled quite quickly, third was probably the trickiest as he transitioned rooms as I couldn't do nursery runs for 2 weeks so dad and carers struggled a bit to get that transition down pat. Once I was back we started it again and he settled quickly. All 3 then ran in each morning without a backward glance and then were happy to see me when I picked up. It is hard, especially at first, but I think it can be much harder on the parents than the children. They also pick up on your feelings so easily, so if yoy already feel she will cry just looking at the house, she will sense that tension when you arrive. Keep it bright and breezy, easier said than done I appreciate. Hope it goes well.

Also please realise that your childminder has to follow covid restrictions and cannot allow parents in the house at present.

@Drunkenmonkey hi, I was thinking more of you not being there, which I know is really hard. I think it’ll be confusing for your baby girl if you do some days and not others.

Personally in your shoes, I might ask to go in and say goodbye from indoors for a few days in a row then after that day bye at the door.

Also, really have faith in your CM and show her you listen to her advice based on experience. Good luck, all will be well.

The CM is right and it’ll take a while and quite a few tears but she will settle. Parent going actually takes longer to settle as the whole separation process gets delayed.

Don’t let baby catch wind of your upset as she needs you to be confident. She will start to realise you will be back for her and will calm down. I would ask for a few more shorter settling in sessions.

I’m moving from nursery to childminding so that I can move at children’s pace, not the business.

Can you ask her if you can go and visit a few times this week? Just short ones? Maybe bump into her at the park with the other children?

X

I would go at baby’s pace and do lots more visits, with mum. I’d be recording a video of me and your baby singing together or doing something fun, too, for you to play back at home and share with a sibling, so that I become something that’s positive in your home.

When you drop baby of give a big happy smile and wave. Make sure they know you are comfortable as they will pick up your nerves. Honestly it's pretty normal though.

Even if she's crying, a cheery goodbye is the best thing to do in my experience, otherwise she will wonder why you don't go in to play with her every time.

I have 20 years experience.

When we first started, settling in sessions were becoming popular, but many settings didn’t use them.
The children settled.

The advice gradually changed over the years and, before last year, Penny Tassoni, a respected Early Years expert and the president of PACEY, was recommending the gradual settling in method of 5 stages, increasing the length of time and presence of the parent. One of our council support team was recommending carrying a clingy baby in a sling all the time.
The children settled.

Then Covid hit and settling in sessions were affected. Most settings were drastically reducing or even stopping them.
The children settled.

At 14 months old, your baby is unfortunately at the separation anxiety age. It’s part of her developmental stage and definitely to be expected. I would be more concerned if she didn’t cry!

She will almost certainly settle if this childminder is a good one. I’m always a little dubious of stories about the child who doesn’t settle, then immediately settles in a new setting. That’s often because all the hard groundwork has already been done by the first setting.

After trying several methods and following all the advice over the years, it seems to me that settling in sessions are more about reassuring the parent than the child. Children do settle much quicker when the parents are not around and some will cry however carefully they have been prepared. Crying is a communication method. They’re not necessarily telling you they’re miserable or distressed and it does take a little time for the carer to work out why a child is crying - remember the newborn stage, when it took a couple of weeks for you both to get on the same wavelength?

I really hate telling a loving parent that the best thing he or she can do is a bright and breezy goodbye, keeping it as short as possible. It seems like an insult to all that care and love they’ve given to their child.
It is true, though.

If it helps, I went through this with my son when he started nursery school. He’s now a university student. A few years ago, I asked him if he could remember why he got so upset.
He said “No idea! I must have been mad!”

I’ve never had parents in for settling in sessions. I see them as the child getting used to being away from their parents for a short time and learning that the parent will come back. If the parent is there, the ch8d won’t learn that.

With COVID restrictions at the moment, I don’t have parents in through the door at all, so It’s doorstep drop offs and collections only.

My advice would be to leave her again for an hour or so at a time, as many times as you can. Building up the time as she settles more. Keep drop offs short and upbeat, try not to show your anxiety as your child will pick up on this.

Has your baby been left with anyone else recently? Grandparents or other support/childcare bubble? It’s harder at the moment as babies are just not used to being left with other people because of COVID, but they will get through it and given time, will settle.

Building the time is what makes it gradual....instead of straight into full days. I take as long as Lo needs once happy for an hour I go for a feed then a sleep once I know how to help them sleep and they are happy enough to take some food we do a short day before full day. It may take a week or several .....at the moment due to covid its understandably taking longer. My latest was a week of hard work now he's so happy and settled says everyone's name on the way to my house and runs in laughing.

Drop and go definitely! My DD was full time with a childminder from 20 weeks and my twins will be starting at a childminder full time also at 20 weeks - drop and go will be much less traumatic for both of you x

29 years of settling children....drop and upbeat bye have fun. Keep it to an hour until she settles then up the time. If you go in leaving is harder.