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Original poster

So the new ap arrived last night .....

114 replies

cloudberry · 07/11/2007 22:31

She missed the flight she was supposed to come on which would have arrived in the morning. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry! She speaks almost NO English! It's been rather tiring today. Armed with the smallest dictionary you have ever seen we have stumbled through the day. I have no idea if she understands anything. What on earth do you do when someone looks blankly at you when you ask 'Would you like ....?' or 'Do you want ....'? She has eaten 1 biscuit today unless she has a secret stash of food upstairs which she has wolfed down in 45 minutes this afternoon, the only time she has not been with me. She now tells me she is veggie when on her profile form the box was ticked next to 'No special dietary requirements ie vegetarian'!! I can't even tell her she will have to cook for herself as my dh likes to eat meat every night as she can't begin to understand. I have always cooked for our aps in the evening and don't mind doing it as one extra person makes no difference but I'm not going to produce 2 separate meals. However .... she has smiled all day, has smothered my 2 dcs in kisses all day. She has painted my dd's finger nails bright red and sprayed her in perfume, as well as bringing her a very sweet shirt and skirt as presents. My not quite 3 year old dd is in seventh heaven and has been mincing around all day. She has never looked so girly in her life! My dh has told the ap that make-up on the face is a no-no!! I shudder to think how the ap can top today in dd's eyes!

Since starting this, I have been talking to a friend of the ap's on MSN who has very good English and feel better that we have a translator! She told me that she felt bad that they had been misleading me about the ap's level of English as she (the friend) knew that the ap could speak NO ENglish at all. I need to have a little chat to the agency tomorrow. Despite all that, as long as she has a good attitude the language issue isn't a problem as it can only improve and she does seem very willing. She has been eager to help today and painted with the dcs this morning which I hate doing. I am glad that we've got another 4 months till no.3 arrives, things might look quite different if it was due next month!! She's quite differnent to the last wet ap. We've gone from anoraky geek to rather sophisticated warm Turkish girl. The other thing that makes me laugh is that all my worries about notes etc etc are completely irrelevant as she wouldn't be able to read them anyway so I'm going to having to show her exactly what I need help with instead of writing down her duties, and maybe that's not such a bad way to go. At least I'll know I've shown her myself how I like things done. So there you go for anyone who's interested(!) - End of part one of Cloudberry's new fascinating ap saga ....!!

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Original poster
cloudberry · 14/11/2007 08:55

Thank you

OP posts:
MrsRecycle · 14/11/2007 08:37

Happy Birthday .

I know what you mean about AP World - very time consuming. I wanted to do the Agency route but dh wouldn't let me - how about he recruit the next AP then? He would but he'd go for the one with big boobs!!

Have a lovely day and try not to let things bother you.

Original poster
cloudberry · 14/11/2007 08:26

Mrs R you are sweet. Thank you. I'll wait and see what the agency have to say. We've paid them over £300 for this last one and if it doesn't work out within the first 28 days they have to produce 2 replacements to choose from. so I'm going to sit tight. The thing is, up till now we have only used ap world, and after this summer I can't be bothered to trawl through all the dross that applies, only to end up with more dross. Sorry that sounds very cynical but I am feeling more and more disillusioned, and frankly rather negative this morning, and it's my birthday today!!!!!

OP posts:
MrsRecycle · 14/11/2007 07:58

oh no cloudberry - I can really understand why you are so Fing angry as I was in the same situation not so long ago. Back in March had one AP that I had to sack, another that was lovely but left us cos she didn't like dd2. I'm now on my third and she is great and well worth the wait however* she is homesick and meant to be here for 6 months but is leaving early. So I'm back looking again. [frustration]

Whereabouts are you? I'm currently looking for my next AP on aupair-world and could forward you details of any that are in the UK that are looking for something now (we don't need anyone until January).

RahRahRachel · 13/11/2007 23:40

Did your other au pairs tell you why they left so early? Sounds like you've had some very bad luck!

Original poster
cloudberry · 13/11/2007 22:43

I am beginning to get seriously paranoid. This is the third one to leave since July. Admittedly the one in July was only with us for the summer but lasted 3 weeks. The 2nd arrived at the end of August and lasted 5 weeks, supposed to be with us 6 months, and this one was supposed to be with us for at least a year!! A friend of hers speaks very good English and I talked to her this evening. The ap is VERY homesick, it's the first time she's been away from Turkey. But the friend said that she (the friend) is very disappointed with our ap. This is something she's prone to doing, saying she'll do something then changing her mind. Apparently the friend was concerned about her commitment way before she arrived here and kept asking the ap is she was sure she really wanted to do this, and the ap repeatedly said that she would stick it out. However the friend was writing all the emails for her and told me 2 days after the ap arrived that she felt really bad for deceiving us. Apparently it's nothing to do with us, all to do with the ap missing home, finding it really hard to adapt to life here - she's been here for 6 day for f's sake. I deliberately went for someone a bit older thinking I'd get a bit of maturity - She's 25!!! I'm seriously pissed off and quite upset. She's a really nice girl and I thought that it really could work. She has a lovely attitude and is sweet with the dcs. OK, the non-existent English has been interesting but that comes with a bit of time, and having had girls with not great attitudes, no language is not a problem as it can only get better. I've ordered her a big Turkish-English dictionary from Amazon which is arriving tomorrow express delivery as I thought it would help communication.

It has come completely out of the blue. This morning I spoke with the Turkish agency asking them if they could explain my work situation to her so that she understood what I needed from her when I'm busy. We had a good talk, they then spoke to her and came back to me with some suggestions like arranging for her to have a couple of hours extra one-to-one language tuition a week which she would pay for on top of going to school, which I've started making inquiries into. There was no hint of her wanting to leave, on the contrary they emphasised how much she liked us all etc etc. Then this afternoon, bang. I haven't been able to get hold of the UK agency so have no idea what's going to happen, though I know that they'll have to find me someone else. I'm really fed up with the whole f-ing thing actually. When the last ap left we said we weren't going to have another ap, and looked into mother's helps which are just too expensive. This agency has come very highly recommended so it's sod's bloody law that we end up with probably the flakiest candidate they've had! As I said, lovely girl but I think she's probably very spoilt, definitely from a wealthy family though she has worked hard uncomplainingly and smiled all the time. She has spent £120 cash on pay as you go Sim cards in 5 days!!!!!!! I know as I've been putting the money in on my card and she's been giving me the cash. Please wish me luck as I wish all you poor ap virgins tons and tons of the stuff!

OP posts:
Simply · 13/11/2007 22:18

Oh cloudberry poor you! I'm hoping to have an au pair before too much longer (if I can find anyone willing to live in mid Wales) so I read these threads with interest, though rarely post. I hope you are able to find a good au pair to replace her soon.

annh · 13/11/2007 22:10

Oh no! Why? Did she come through an agency? I hope they are going to help find a replacement for free.

Original poster
cloudberry · 13/11/2007 22:04

And now she's leaving on Friday .........

OP posts:
ingles2 · 08/11/2007 11:19

Hi Cloud.....
She sounds fantastic with the kids though!!! I'm very jealous!
And at least your food bills will be cheap if she doesn't eat! And as for the vege...just show her the pasta!
Definitely speak to the agency about the english, but did you see my post on the other thread about pic cards? It might help in the very beginning...Anyway,I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, and that she's a quick learner...

MrsRecycle · 08/11/2007 10:33

oh no cloudberry however she does sound fab with kids (would love it if my AP did that with my girls!!).

FWIW - on my questions that I get APs to complete there has only ever been one that has been absolutely truthful. So I'm not surprised re the English (although absolutely paramount one would have assumed). Re. current AP - I asked if she had any phobias and she said only to spiders/heights. Turns out she hates clowns/dressed up characters and when we go to the caravan (every weekend) there are 3 larger than life dressed up Rabbits/Dogs which she is scared of. .

Good luck anyway.

dd666 · 07/11/2007 22:46

wow well thats going to be an experience for you all hope she works out as you expect!

Whooosh · 07/11/2007 22:36

Well no great words of wisdom here but at least she is warm and smiley and dd is happy.
You sound lovely and I am sure with some high level input,all will work out fine.
Good luck and keep us updated.

RGPargy · 07/11/2007 22:36

Good luck!! I'm sure it'll be a learning curve for both of you. At least she is making a great effort with the DCs.