Settling in time - no parents inside the house

I’m setting my lockdown baby at the moment. He was born almost a year ago and has only been in our home, and only been held by me, his Dad and my Mum. He is all of a sudden very clingy and wary of other adults but to be honest my older child was exactly the same at 11/12 months.

We’ve been meeting our CM in the park for the last couple of weeks and we’re going each week to play in the garden before settling in properly starts (we’re paying her for extra settling in).

We had visited in December so got to see her house and the baby loved her. But this time he cried the whole time despite his Dad and older brother being there (his brother will be going too.

Tell your childminder everything you want her to know about your child. I ask parents to do this, because the more information I have, the easier it is to settle them, feed them, put them down for a nap, etc.

I have never had parents in for settling in sessions for 2 reasons. 1-The child doesn't start to settle until the parent has gone. 2-It is unsettling for the other children in my care.

During covid, rather than show parents around the house I have used videos and zoom calls.

Are you able to get references from other parents? That should help reassure you.

I'm a childminder and can only express how hard it is for both parties. This last year has been awful I've had meetings in my garden, in the local park and over FT and it's been a real struggle trying to settle some of the lockdown babies never mind also trying to settle the parents too.

Regarding no visits I've had no parents in and this is due to already having to do lots of extra cleaning and obviously the risk of passing on covid. I can see that many on the thread have already said if mums got it chances are baby has it but lots aren't thinking about the possibility of the childminder or children in the setting passing it onto to the parent and child who've come for a visit.

I hate working this way but it's keeping us all safe. I'd suggest getting a note book and writing down your child's typical routine, likes and dislikes and I'd definitely ask if there's any chance of extra meet ups

I’m currently leader of a baby room in a nursery. I’ve uploaded videos of me singing and doing activities so parents can show them to babies and at least the nursery is a bit familiar and they’ve seen my face before coming.

Could this be a possibility?

Hi OP.

Over here you can make masked visits after hours. No-one expects you to hand over your child without a proper inspection, so everyone is being accommodating and making themselves more available. In one case they did let me come during the day, even in lockdown, which wasn't strictly "correct" but there's a lot of empathy in the childcare sector over here.

I've started two new little ones since covid. One started at 9 months then other at 20 months. I went on lots of walks with the families. We video called a few times too with babies in the background just so I was more familiar.

I can honestly say they've settled so well. I was a little apprehensive, however both sets of parents have been wonderful & were accepting at the time of the circumstances which made the whole thing less traumatic. The little ones saw their parents were confident & happy to hand over to me with a big smile (it's hard I know, I have left my own at nursery crying a few times) but even if you plaster on that smile it's reassuring for the little ones.

We did a quick hand over at the door & then we started with 2 x 1 hour sessions one week. Then 2 x 2 hour sessions the following week & then we did 2 x 4 hour sessions. I find the younger they are they tend to settle better in my experience.

At the beginning I sent reassuring videos & photos of the little ones through the day. Now they get a bunch of photos at the end of each day. They have both settled very well.

Like a PP mentioned. I made sure to have all the information about the little ones first. Routines, fav toys, fav nursery rhymes. Names of siblings, any favourite books. They both gave me something from home for the cots that now live here & honestly it really has worked out very well.

I do think it must be so difficult, although hopefully reassuring that your eldest went there? Will they ever be there together? Definitely go for walks or to the park with the childminder & tell her. Be completely honest. You're really concerned & it would be helpful for you to get frequent updates whilst she settles, how many other little ones will be there. If she has the time to update you I'm sure she'll be more than happy to. With new mindees it's pretty standard to give frequent updates for reassurance.

It will be lovely in this weird time that she will be making little friends to start exploring the world with

@sleeplessinthecountryside I have April lockdown babies too and they are also terrified of strangers having been around my parents but that’s it. I wouldn’t be comfortable with leaving them at the door at all. We have a nanny starting in June and she will come 2 mornings a week during May for settling in sessions. Could you do some outside meet ups before she starts at the CM? I wouldn’t worry about the delayed crawling but would want to discuss the food/ choking/ make a plan of what is ok and how to gradually wean her.

I must say, it seems a bit odd - as pp pointed out, if you have Covid, the baby probably has it too. I can see the logic but still. Our childminder (who we know well as our eldest has been going for a while) had me and DC2 round for a play, and then next time I left DC2 for a short period.

I really sympathise, mine is a lockdown baby too, though we’ve dipped in and out of baby classes when able to, but he’s never been left with anyone other than me and DP. But despite this, he has settled very quickly after a few wobbly settling-in sessions - we had him do a week of half days before he started full days.

Honestly, I think our childminder was more nervous than me - she has another lockdown baby as well who has struggled to settle, so she was worried. But he has been ok and we now have tear-free drop-offs after a couple of months.

In terms of what I would expect the childminder to want to know, ours still had me fill in loads of forms and wanted to know about nap times and how he’s used to being settled, food/allergies, how I serve food (eg to what extent do I purée/mash food, how confident he was with finger foods), how much milk he was having/whether he took a bottle and when he was used to being offered milk, any medical issues, any fears, did he have a comforter/dummy, and that’s just the stuff I can think of off the top of my head.

@NichyNoo

Kids are much less likely to spread it than adults

Maybe you need to use the next month to get your DD use to be around others and seeing lots of new faces! Maybe go to the park on the swings etc.

Can you ask to meet the CM in a playground or somewhere first?

At least you know the childminder well if she cared for your other child.

I visited two childminders in autumn 2020 and they both let me visit their home with other children present; the nurseries I visited allowed visits after hours. This wasn't during a lockdown though. Once I'd confirmed with the childminder that I wanted him to go to her he had two two hour settling sessions and two morning settling sessions before doing full days with her. I didn't come in with him at all after the initial visit. He was almost 2 years old so a quite different to a one year old as he could walk in the door and he settled straight away, always happy to go in despite never being left with anyone except his me and his Dad. She did send me a form where I could write about my ds, what he likes playing or eating, what's his routine for sleep etc. I know yours is a lot younger but thought I'd share what our experience has been starting new childcare in a pandemic!

Surely if you have covid then chances are your baby has it too? Some of these rules don’t make sense.

My kids are early 20s now. This was absolutely how it was for nursery and childminder and they went from 5-6 months.

They were fine. I felt awful. We have amazing stable caring childcare from then till school and beyond. Youngest is 21 and took a home made gift for the her childminder auntie last weekend.

I know it’s a small n=3 sample but they are apparently happy well adjusted adults !

You baby will be fine x

Have you asked if the childminder will come to your house for a couple of hours ?

I'm a childminder and have settled 2 children in during lockdown . I provided parents with videos of the inside of my house and did the initial settling in the garden . The children had seen myself and the other children several times before I took them into my house for an hours settling in. When I did that I met the parent in the garden and got the parent to leave the child with me in the garden as we had already done that and then I took the child into my house. I did more settling in sessions than normal a combination of the parent being there and my having the child on my own for short periods. I send the parents pictures by what's app daily of the activities their child is doing. Both children settled really well.
Remember childminders have a lot of experience looking after children and we take as much information as possible about your child so we can make the transition as smooth as we can. We also would want to know about easily choking so we can be extra vigilant during meal/snack times .

Can you meet the childminder in the park, or take walks with her? Just so your dd has a chance to get to know her face?

Ask your cm if she can send you photos I have a WhatsApp group for each family and during the first few weeks send lots of photos.
My settling is an hour then if that goes well 2 or 3 including a feed then I keep going until we have a successful feed and nap before doing the full day. Its led by the little one