Au Pair Issues - Asked Her To Leave

Pay her and tell the agency she will be leaving today.
Don't inadvertently punish the victim by putting him out of his safe area. Make the perpetrator go.

Throw her out on her arse. See how she likes North Scotland in winter on foot.

Fucking bitch would be lucky I didn't beat the living shit out of her.

I've not read the whole thread OP so I'm sorry if what I'm saying is a repeat from other posters. Firstly, I am really sorry you've experienced this, I hope you and your family are doing okay and are supported. My advice to you is to contact Children Social Care and explain what has happened, they can support you through the necessary processes. You've done absolutely nothing wrong - you've used an agency, references etc... so please don't be concerned about that. This will likely need a police investigation but social care can advise you. I did see your reply about being reluctant due to it further stressing your children. This is a wholly understandable position BUT not one I would encourage you to keep. You have no certainty that the au pair will return to France and not just be placed with another family - they clearly haven't sufficiently assessed her suitability to work with children when placed with you, this isn't something that you can just take on trust I'm afraid. Also, if they've placed someone unsuitable with you, they may have done it with others. I understand your desire to want to protect your children, but with the specialist support available your children can be helped through this AND taught that it is NEVER acceptable for an adult to hurt a child. It will also open doors for longer term emotional support - you've done an amazing job of spotting this and handling it, please keep that going. Other children may not have parents who are so switched on and an investigation into the au pair and agency may be their only hope. I feel for you and wish you all the luck in the world. 🤗

Keep your wallets, bank cards, car keys and house keys secure.

Not to sound dramatic but I'd definitely report her to the police, she sounds like someone who wouldn't think twice to hurt a child (the arm marks prove that point) the right thing to do is make her leave and charge her with abusing your child so you can make sure she will never work with kids again as i couldn't handle the guilt if an other trusting family let her work for them and for all you know, she could couse more harm to the next kid.

Something else that has occurred to me is that you describe him becoming withdrawn during the au pairs time with you. That suggests her behaviour towards him has been unacceptable for quite some time. Just because he has injuries from this recent incident it doesn't mean there haven't been previous incidents that haven't left noticeable physical marks. This would make me concerned that this isn't a teenager out of her depth once but someone wholly unsuitable to be trusted around children. Adding in her total lack of remorse and that is an extra worry that really should have statutory agencies involved

OP your au pair will be allowed to travel to France if she is going to her main residence. She will need covid tests negative certificates done a certain number of hours before she flies and she will need to fill in the French form required for travelling. There is 6p.m. curfew I understand in most of France but people travelling home from airports home are exempt.

God you've done the right thing getting her out - I don't think I'd be able to have her in my house for a second more - she could find a b&b and piss off as far as I was concerned. Hope your children are ok

Surely the fact that she knows we know now means she realises she won't get away with it? Or am I missing something.

OP the bit you were missing was that she's probably told your son not to tell what she's done, maybe even threatened him. By having the aupair in the house you'd be giving her the potential opportunity to punish your son for telling you what she's done.

Nowhere to go...pfft she could go sleep under a bush for all I'd care if she hurt one of my children. I'd also call the police. I'm sure that the police can handle your kids with care and sensitivity while asking them what went on. To not call the police is to be okay with her doing this to other children. Your children need to know that if someone hurts them, the police can be called to help.

Does she have a childcare background or has she come for more of a gap year experience?

What she did was very wrong. But can you imagine being stuck in the house of a family you don’t know, in a rural environment, in a foreign country, during a lockdown? That’s a lot for her to deal with to be quite honest and I’m not surprised she didn’t cope.

Sorry haven't RTFT. Have you contacted police? This is assault. You need to protect other children too by reporting her. I don't see why you're responsible for getting her home now, she's broken any contract you had by behaving this way towards your son. I don't see that she deserves notice or payment in lieu either. Do people usually get paid notice period when they're dismissed for gross misconduct?

The fact the OP has a childminder and nursery shows she isn't abusing the au pair's hours... the kids, im guessing, go to the childminder and nursery for a morning / a few hours and then get picked up by the au pair for another couple of hours while the parents work

Good that she's leaving ASAP. Grabbing a toddler and leaving a mark isn't on. Not sure it's a crime as such as she didn't hit but was very rough and sounds like she isn't good around kids. Good thing she won't be dealing with them anymore - I didn't even know Au Pairs dealt with the kids but I know I'm massively out of touch.
Definitely needs to go ASAP and glad you've sorted quickly enough.

Is she young OP?

Are you replacing her?

I can’t imagine how I’d have reacted if this had happened to my little one

She does absolutely need to go and I’m glad you have told the agency to remove her

I know that you are wary of police, but she’s in a position where she could just do this again.

I think the fluffy hippo woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. That or they enjoy derailing threads with nasty comments to get attention.

Anyway, OP this sounds awful and you've done all the right things. I'd keep open communication with your kids to make them feel safe and try to move on from this, as hard is it will be.

My initial thought was 'why DON'T you call the police, because it is an assault' but actually, I think you are doing the right thing. I in no way condone assaulting a child (obviously), but it is true that police involvement like that can be quite stressful for children.

I myself was a victim of a (relatively similar) crime when a little older - 7/8: the police investigations etc were quite frightening for me, although that was in large part because my parents did not handle it well. So, it might be best for your kids that you just get rid of her and move on. By informing the agency you have done what you need to.

I have to say I'd be on the phone to the police if I were you. Stop making excuses for her, she assaulted a child, badly enough to leave bruises FFS.

Well done. Perfectly handled. And you've shown your kids that you won't put up with them being hurt, home is their safe space.

@FluffyHippo that chip on your shoulder must seriously weigh you down. It's almost as if you think that all women should be chained to the kitchen sink once they've had children - I believe that George Bernard Shaw also said: The truth is that family life will never be decent, much less ennobling until this central horror of the dependence of women on men is done away with.

If your child has been injured by this person it should be reported to the police. She should not be in your house.