I’m scared of paedophiles having access to my child when in childcare

@netflixandmixedgrill is right.

A child being SA in a childminding setting or nursery setting is very very unlikely.
It is far more likely in a family setting or friends of family.
Statistically children are much more likely to be harmed by someone within the family. A nursery may give you slightly more peace of mind as staff should seldom be alone with children but you might also ask about their safeguarding policy which may detail this.

For this reason I choose a nursery with only female staff when I was pregnant and looking for daycare for DS. They told me off the record that they officially can not reject any future staff based on gender but in reality they would not be hiring any male staff.

Hi, iam childminder and myself and husband have been dbs checked, Etc my husband does not work with me but does work from home. While I understand your concern it does seem a very extreme feeling you have if I felt you did not 100% trust me and everyone in my household I would not be offering you a childcare space as I do not need the constant worry in my life about what you are thinking, or feeling about my care. You are already going in with the thought your child is going to be abused so that is not a healthy relationship for anyone to have with you or your child and poltential mind field of False allegations to Ofsted, authorities etc.

You have to weigh up the risks here

A child being SA in a childminding setting or nursery setting is very very unlikely.
It is far more likely in a family setting or friends of family.

The risks of him only spending time with you, not socialising, not gaining new skills and new experiences is massive and your anxiety may pass over into him to be fearful of new things.

Check the references, frequently check in with your child. Set firm boundaries on private parts when he is old enough and make sure it is spoken about in an appropriate way.

A common tool used by pedophiles is saying they are "checking" and "making sure it's okay" in terms of their private parts, drill into him that no one "checks" his parts without you saying it's okay.

It is scary and it is okay to be anxious about it, but acting on that and preventing him from having happy experiences is not okay.

@MRC20 what a ridiculous thing to say. Do you shield your children away from all men? I think you need some support because that is a disturbing outlook you have.

I also had that concern so went with a nursery where they don’t have 1-1 alone time and adult and all nappies etc are a changed more publically.

Most paedophiles that are prosecuted are men, but there are very often women in the background facilitating the abuse. Focusing on stereotypes is a stupid idea, and is often why perpetrators are allowed to continue, because they don't reflect your image of what an offender looks like.

This just isn’t statistically true. Of course not all men are paedophiles but overwhelmingly statistically paedophiles are male. Statistically children looked after by females are far less likely to be sexually abused. Though yes on occasion these males use women to access children too.

Gut instinct!
My children went to a nursery with CCTV throughout.

Protecting the Gift by Gavin DevBecker is a great book on how to minimise this risk. He has worked with some pretty nasty people and has some great insights.

As irrational as it is that fear will always be at the back of your mind whether it's a nursery or childminder all you can do is make sure the relevant checks are in place eg DBS

I also asked the age of any male children also attending the Childminder's And also what visitors the childminder would have during the day as obviously they wouldn't be DBS checked. Also what play groups they'd be taken to. Obviously you have little control over any of that but just go with your gut x

Check references, chesil dbs certs etc ask questions.

I chose a childminder reccomended by friends and one who is known in the community. she’s seen out and about with the kids all the time and so it’s clear how she behaves with the children and how they respond to her. It’s not foolproof as no one knows what goes on behind closed doors but I am sure my childminder is a safer pair of hands with my kids than I am - she’s way more patient and has excellent boundaries.

How old is your son? For me personally I didn’t leave my son in childcare until he was out of nappies and toilet trained. Of course that is not an option for everyone but I just didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of strangers changing him.
Would a (live out) nanny in your home make you feel happier? Do you work from home?
There’s some great advice in the comments above though - relying on gut instinct and looking out for behaviour changes.

Are there any nurseries which have cctv near you that could give you reassurance? Or use a Nanny and use nanny cams but tell the Nanny you use them

For this reason I prefer to send my children to nursery where there is a mix of all female staff and children aren’t looked after on a one to one basis
However your anxiety will only manifest itself in other ways when you get over this worry. Do you have anxiety generally?

You need to accept that not every stranger is a paedophile, and you need to get help for your anxiety.

OP, I was like you when my DC we’re younger. Ignore people telling you to ‘get help’ as you can’t switch off anxiety.

Perhaps you should consider a nursery?

I think most people would cary out all the checks mentioned above and then assume the best, unless the child becomes unhappy going to the setting, or there are behavioural changes as pp have said.
As with any risk, you mitigate it to the best of your ability, but you can't remove it. Like every time you get in a car/cross the road etc. Some parents prefer to wait till their child is verbal, before putting them in childcare settings, but obviously that isn't always possible.

pretty much all paedophiles are men why take the risk if you don't have to?

Most paedophiles that are prosecuted are men, but there are very often women in the background facilitating the abuse. Focusing on stereotypes is a stupid idea, and is often why perpetrators are allowed to continue, because they don't reflect your image of what an offender looks like.

I’m a childminder - we have dbs checks on ourselves and anyone over the age of 16 who lives at our address. These are checked regularly by ofsted and we also have to do safeguarding training every two years. Ask to see training certs as well as dbs for the household. Any ofsted registered childminder will be dbs checked, just make sure they’re a properly registered childminder and then go with your gut feeling about leaving your child with that person.

You’re not being irrational. I was abused as a child by a trusted adult and consequently both me and my husband have similar fears. As the others have said you can only do so much.

My DS is with a childminder, because I felt that was the best place from June 2020 - a smaller setting, I felt, would minimise exposure to CV.

I do think a nursery might be better from a safeguarding POV. More people - theoretically more accountability and less opportunity.

You don't want to be told you're irrational, but, in the nicest possible way, you need to be told. Something like 98% of sexual abuse of children comes from a close family member. Statistically it is way way more probable that your child would be abused by Grandad than by the childminder.
Maybe go for a nursery instead of a childminder if you can't control your fears.

This is very OTT.
Would you have the same fears if your child had a make teacher at school?
I really think you should get help yourself.