Having toddler at home to save childminder fees

YANBU. We had 20 month old DS at home for 6 months during lockdown and it was horrific.

Well done,

How on earth are you going to get any work done! I used to send dc to the childminder on one of my days off so I could do loads of housework etc. They loved going and it meant I could just about keep on top of the housework etc. This wasn’t a ‘waste of money’ so you’re situation definitely isn’t.

You can’t give the necessary to both on a long term basis
During lockdown people had no choice but now you do it’s not in your child’s best interests to do this

Does your DP still work from home? During lockdown I had 1, 7, 13 year old. WFH and DP working self employed. Was most exhausting few months of my life, I couldn’t switch off from work, was doing home learning, toddler and trying to work. Most nights up to midnight catching up and back on laptop again at 7. Kids now back at school and youngest at childminder 3 days. I have Fridays off, DP Monday’s. Works so much better, toddler gets lots of fun at childminders really loves it, I get to feel like a human again. Think of your mental health too, you can’t do both successfully with a toddler. Plus I know my DS socialising and enjoying himself, worth every penny.

Vivienne has a good suggestion. Or you could alternate childcare on that extra day. If he can't then why should you.

Your DH is being ridiculous. I would see his point if you put him in childcare to go to the gym etc but you are doing it to work. It's really insulting to say it is more for your benefit. Do you not deserve uninterrupted work time but he does? Yes you muddled through when you had to, but this is not a good long term solution for anyone, especially when you can afford it anyway. How you convince your DH of this I'm not sure.

I agree with @RatInADollhouse. This expecting you to pay extra for what 'benefits you' is really off. I would guess he benefits from your partnership in all sorts of ways that aren't fully 'costed in' like this. Who is the higher earner?

Tell him to ask for a day working from home to do childcare. He won't. And you shouldn't pay more than half the cost of the child minder.

OP I think your husband hasn't got the best interests of you and most importantly your joint child at heart.

Your toddler is 2 so needs to socialise, will actually enjoy mixing regularly with other children and will make a friend or two. At the moment baby and toddler groups are closed so apart from other family members' children who else will they be mixing with?

Also they need to have someone whether this is the childminder or the older children they are playing with attention focused on them, not on paid work or housework.

Another thing to consider is whether the childminder will still be offering part-time places now that they are back full-time. If it's a choice between a part-time place for your DS and another child who needs full-time provision, you may lose your place.

So why does he see it as your responsibility to either look after ds or pay for the childminder yourself? Why is it not his responsibility?

[quote Blueberry1]@Plussizejumpsuit - we pay 50/50. Always have done. DP suggesting I pay more of the "additional" cost (the partial day). DP was also looking after toddler during lockdown (especially when I had endless Zoom type calls), although I did more most of the time.

@lockdownseparation - there isn't really an overriding need to save money.[/quote]
**
we pay 50/50. Always have done. DP suggesting I pay more of the "additional" cost (the partial day).
Your child is no less his/his responsibility, financially or otherwise, because they need to go to the childminders so that you can properly focus on your job - the same, I suppose, as him. Does he think you do nothing on your partial day when you are not doing paid work?

If he feels strongly about this maybe he should WFH and work and look after the DC instead of you.

Additionally, is he so laser-focused on other aspect of your lives together? If so, maybe he should be encouraged to step up there too, to keep things a fairer 50/50 between you in all areas. 🌹

My manager (at the time) actually suggested I keep my 9 month old at home and seemed surprised when I told him that wasn't an option as I'd get nothing done. People managed all sorts of things when they didn't have a choice but it was hardly ideal. If your husband wants your child at home then he can look after them.

Tell him you'll lose more money if you can't perform your job to standard and get fired or quit from stress. Or if he keeps being so selfish, divorce is also mightily expensive...

I'd be unimpressed if one of my team had childcare options but was trying to mind a toddler while working to save cash. Either one or both of you adjusts hours, or he pays the childcare too.

Managed

Being the word

People have to manage as no other choice

But it’s not fair on your toddler to be ignored or yelled at while you are trying to work

Where is dh on that day

Working at home - not working. - working in office

Use the childcare

It’s not fair on you, your toddler or your work. The only one who seems to benefit is your DP.

If you need to/want to save money could one of you work on a Saturday when the other one is off.

I might have misunderstood but why would you personally be paying the childcare? Also why are you the one juggling childcare and work at the same time? Seems like he's being a dick tbh.

either we drop it or I pay more than 50% of additional cost.

WANKER ALERT!!!

If you both want to keep DS at home while you work, then you keep DS home, if you dont want to keep DS at home while you work, then DS goes to childminder. you are the one being affected

Jesus Christ - what a twat. He wants you to WFH with a toddler & wont pay half if you don't?

Why are you with this twat?

If it’s fine for you to do it, then it’s fine for him as well . Long-term it doesn’t sound sustainable to me