Do you trust your childminder?????

I think you are right to be so cautious. Your simply a good mother.

Yep, I trust our CM with my life - couldnt go to work if I didnt but then my CM is my aunt, who had a huge part in raising me. So, obviously Im very lucky with our situation. She has two grown up girls of her own and has been a CM to two other families for over 20 years. She gave up her job when I had dd (not letting the family she worked for down, she had been with them for 10 years but the children were older and she knew she wasnt really needed anymore but they would never get rid of her loved her too much)

Anyway, its not just because she is family - but its the signs my dd (2 on wednesday) gives me - and this is what I would advise you to look for. She calls my aunt and her husband "granny" and "grandad" (her baby cousin (their grandchild) is also a mindee at their house (just the two of them) so she got this from him) she squeels with delight when she sees them, runs in the door, kisses and hugs me and is more than happy to stay. She has to ring them at least once over the weekend to say hiya and I love you. She tells me things like "granny says always wash hands afore food" and "granny always sings songs and stories" - she comes home every week with a new song or new story. Its very obvious she is being well loved, cared for and stimulated. Your baby will tell you.

Yep, stay as long or as short as you intentded to when you first arrived. If it was a half hour drop off just sit there and let minder distract LO as she would do if you not there, or if a 2 min drop off, carry on saying what you were going to say Quick kiss and goodbye and out the door! If you really not comfortable or unsure whats best let your minder tell you whats best in her opinion, she has already booted you out the door once, if its best for LO she will do it again! You can always ask for a text once LO is settled, have faith, folow your instincts, and it should be a recipe for happy child, minder and mum, BEAUTIFUL.

glad you getting things more settled with Cm situation. The setling in process can be as long or a short as a child and parent need, and it sounds like your new CM has got it sorted. Just one thing to bear in mind, is expect that little clingy crying period just a t the time you probably think everything is sorted, and prob it will be your first full week back. Little ones usually pick up on your inner stresses, however clever you think you have been and also have the wobbles after first full week or second week if part time. Its entirley normal they all do it and if you are prepared for it, it wont spoil your day and your little one will get back to normal all the quicker. Good luck keep us updated

Glad you are feeling bit better about leaving lo. Sounds like he settled in ok so far. I know I'm biased but I do think you've made right decision with a cM. IMO nursery staff don't have as much time to become personally attached to the children, but all the CMs I know adore their mindees and have great relaitonships with the families - nursery always seems a lot more formal. I;m on mat leave at mo but still in frequent touch with past mindees, meet up lots and text lots, which is so lovely. It lets me know I did a good job with them, and I can't wait to get started again in January. Most CMs feel like this about their job.

As a nanny myself I've found carers seem to be less on their guard when I'm around than when parents are around so I get a fairly good idea of how they treat the children.

All I can say is, go with your gut instinct.

You can read anything into the smallest situation if you are looking for it.

Personally I think that being with a childminder is much nicer for the baby than being in a nursery.

and of course you won't trust her to start with - trust is earned over time.

The first few weeks are always tough. And they generally go through a phase of being clingy and crying when you leave, which is horrible ( I also used to stand outside the door to see if he stopped crying when I left and he always did). But on the whole it has been a very positive experience for DS and he is very happy there.

sheepgirl - if your CM is anything like mine, your relationship with her will last for many years and she will end up as a real friend. She retired a year ago and my DCs still love to go and visit her. It is hard to trust to start with (although we've know here so long it's hard to remember that) but you know very very soon if there is something not right.

My DS2 has been going to his childminder for 3 weeks and he absolutely adores her. Sometimes he doesn't want to come home! IMO that is how you know you have a good childminder!

I think that says it all really.

mal; agree, ofsted reports sometimes not worth paper there written on.

implicitly, or she wouldn't be my childminder.

She was recommended by a friend who is very particular so I knew that if she was good enough for my friend she'd be good enough for me. She has grown up kids of her own and has been childminding for 20 years. She had some glowing references as well and her Ofsted report was very good.

But it is such a personal thing and one person's ideal is another's nightmare.

It's very hard when you have to leave them to go back to work but it does get easier.

Can you do some introductory sessions with her for a few hours at a time, building up t the full day so that she and your baby get used to each other and you get to know her a bit better? That way, by the time you start back at work you will have built up a certain amount of trust.

A good few years ago, my friend asked me to follow her new childminder about the town one day to check how her PFB was being treated. CM was fantastic, never stopped talking to him, pointing things out, cuddling him, making sure he was warm enough etc. I think it would be impossible to be like that out on show, but then switch it off behind closed doors, so to speak. Friend felt awful doing it, but it really put her mind at rest (she was terribly overprotective) She has four kids now, and cringes when reminded of it.

I never take too much notice of Ofsted reports - I know a couple of childminders who got a good/outstanding and I wouldn't leave a goldfish with them. One never bothers with seatbelts for her own children as it is too much trouble.

hi sheepgirl. can i just say congratulations on choosing a cm to care for your baby. cms really offer the best type of care for under 3s. i know what you mean about "behind closed doors" but anything could be happening in a nursery, with children, sometimes 6 "babies" being looked after by a 19 year old. i have an open door policy, but to be honest am out an awful lot with the children, on school runs, playgroup visits etc. i think childminders to a wonderful job, but like any profession there are some cm that let the side down so to speak. i have been c/m for years and know a wide range of cm and to be honest the worst ones just let the kids watch a bit too much tv and have one too many bisquits. and thats about it! so dont worry, ive lost count of mums that have cried on the first day. ( only natural)
honestly, everything will be fine. hopefully your cm will become almost one of the family and will support you for many years to come. good luck with starting back at work.

It will be on her certificate if she can have 2 under 1 or if she works with an assistant

If you can't remember look at inspection reports on the OFSTED website (www.ofsted.gov.uk)

hi dont have time for long reply as mindee asleep and will wake up when he hears me tap this keyboard, but check the situation on two children under 1 year?..most cm's arn't allowed this unless they apply for a variation

Don't worry, Sheepgirl,...I can remember leaving DS1 for the 1st time with our old childminder and I was petrified! Surely nobody could look after him as well as me
Anyway we had a wonderful lady who was burmese, (we're run of the mill white english!) and she treated my children like mini gods, her huge extended family visited constantly to play with my boys and they were frequently at parties during the day for various festivals. They adored her (I was quite jealous but that's another issue ) and even though we moved out of london nearly 4 years ago she still phones to see how HER boys are! It's been a pleasure to have her as part of the family....

Oh sheepgirl - your post really reminds me of how hard it was when I first went back. I'd be sitting at my computer trying to hold back the tears and sprinting over the the nursery in my lunchtime while DD (a party animal since birth) settled in instantly and had a great time. However, it was really only a week or so before things got better, and after a month I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Obviously the fact that my DD settled so easily made it much better for me (hope you have the same experience!) but it really does get better quickly and your feelings are completely normal.

I had a 3yr old dd & a 6month old boy when I went back to work [well not work, uni, but I still needed a c/minder for the first time ever]

DD had just started playgroup 5 mornings a week & I already knew all the staff etc so I decided that dd could stay for their afternoon club also, on the 2 days I had uni.

I looked for a c/minder for ds & found a woman who was v.nice on phone, had great references etc... I went to visit her house & she was outside bleaching her steps... made us enter by the bak door.

When we were in the house she kept telling ds what he could & couldn't touch. She also told him which toys she was allowed to use, but only if her existing mindee, a little boy, wasn't playing with them. [bear in mind ds was only 6 months & only crawling!] Anyway this woman showed me references from lots of people... but it worried me that the little boy [3] was glued to the telly the whole time we were in.

I thanked her for her time & said I would think about it. She called me that evening & really pressurised me. Told me I needed to buy a travel cot as she hadn't got one, said I would have to pay her for dd also incase she needed picked up due to illness [I only wanted her to mind ds, nothing to do with dd!]

Anyway, I had a really bad feeling about her but couldn't put my finger on it.

I looked about & asked around & got in touch with another childminder who had just had a mindee go off to school & was looking a part time child. My ds fitted perfectly & when I called to ask when was convenient to visit, she really made me warm to her by saying "Sure come up now, no time like the present!" I was at her house 20 minutes later drinking coffee whilst she played with ds & I chatted to her other mindees.

Ds has been with her almost 3 years now! She is fantastic! I found out that the other lady stopped childminding as she was only keeping kids for about 5 months at a time before getting bored & giving the parents notice for silly things.

But if you can, spend some time with the childminder & ds before you go off to work.. it may ease your mind a little. My c/minder texts me most days just to say what he's doing!

{{{ hugs }}}

I'm pretty sure MOST mums go through this agonising when they first get back to work, I've heard it from friends etc. but now they brag about how they get a lunch break, get to see grown ups and socialise and they mostly say that their time with their LO is so much more special because they make the most of the time together. Try and look at the positives including how this will benefit your baby by socialising from a young age. Sure all will be ok

(by the way....in case it worries you seeing me chatting on here, I don't have any children at the moment )