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Original poster

Wedding, no grandparents to help

36 replies

Susanna85 · 16/04/2020 19:10

Following another thread I had on AIBU where one of my children (6) has been invited and the other (1) hasn't..
people mostly replied that is wasn't a big deal, just get a babysitter for the younger child, or both. And enjoy the wedding child free.

But - where does this childcare come from if you don't have your parents, DC's GP around to help. We don't have very many close friends, have never asked any friends, to babysit let alone asking for a whole day.
So where do you find someone willing & trustworthy to babysit for a full day approx 10am - 1am (or even over night).

And, do children just adjust to being looked after like this? If they are not usually looked after by others.

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Italiandreams · 21/04/2020 09:15

I wouldn’t go. If I had no one to look after my little one I’d decline ( and my husband have... just chose whichever of us was closer to couple to go) no way would I find someone in a website! If they are not close enough to understand your situation, it’s a wedding you can miss.

JustStayHome · 21/04/2020 00:28

Please don't leave your 1 year old with a complete stranger for 15+ hours

Your child really wont be happy, no matter how good the sitter is

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/04/2020 00:20

Why is eldest allowed but not youngest ?

If two hours away I would book a local hotel and have childcare there in the hotel room

I’ve done this many times as a wedding nanny

Hotels may be able to suggest someone

Or google and find local agency to where wedding is m

Where is wedding. May be local to some nannies on here

And yes chikdren generally are ok. Few tears when you leave but also depends if they have ever been left by You with anyone before

forrestgreen · 17/04/2020 23:43

I'd explain you can't go as you've no one for your youngest. If she's a good friend she'd change the invite. If she doesn't you know where you stand.

Purpleartichoke · 17/04/2020 23:38

I absolutely would never use a hotel babysitter. If we have to use non-family, I Only go with someone I have a personal reference for.

Purpleartichoke · 17/04/2020 23:37

We either have one person attend or skip it.
I don’t think it is fair to a young child to leave them with a stranger for that long for a non-emergency.

If it is a close friend, I would consider attending without your spouse and leave both kids with him.

Apple40 · 17/04/2020 23:25

How about you stay over at the venue and hire a childminder/ baby sitter local to the venue to babysit in your hotel room? Then depending on wedding time it will only from the afternoon you are paying for care

mnahmnah · 17/04/2020 19:32

*Explain, not in cola!

mnahmnah · 17/04/2020 19:31

Will you know other people at the wedding? If so, I would go alone. No stresses with childcare then. I cola in situation to your friend and ask if you can be sat with people you know

Doilooklikeatourist · 17/04/2020 19:27

I wouldn’t go
RSVP
Sadly , unable to attend

Stingeray · 17/04/2020 19:23

Is the reason you don't want to go alone because you wont know anyone? Ir you're not that close to the bride anymore? For a close friend I would just suck it up and go make polite conversation with strangers for the evening so I could be there for her big day. I'd also enjoy the child free evening!

Original poster
Susanna85 · 17/04/2020 18:00

Sorry if this is dim but why can’t you go and DH stay home with the kids?

It is an option. But I can't say I want to attend a wedding alone very much. And travelling there and back alone etc.. but of course I could if that's what it comes to.

Additionally, when we've had the occasional wedding invite from his side (again 'no kids') he's never just left me holding the kids and gone. Partly because they weren't invites from particularly close friends so declining wasn't a hard decision.

OP posts:
Atalune · 17/04/2020 17:16

Decline.

People who stipulate child free weddings must accept this.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/04/2020 17:13

I'd just decline. When people don't invite children they have to accept that sometimes the parents won't be able to come.

OhCaptain · 17/04/2020 17:10

Sorry if this is dim but why can’t you go and DH stay home with the kids?

Floralnomad · 17/04/2020 17:09

I just wouldn’t go , your earlier post summed it up ‘ the bride was a very close friend’ , which to me implies she is not a very close friend now so why bother causing yourself a headache about what to do with the baby .

decisionsdecision · 17/04/2020 17:09

Find a baby sitter, have 'play dates' with you in attendance leading up to the day

Carriemac · 17/04/2020 17:08

who usually babysits for you when you go out? cant they do it ( maybe with the help of their friend or parent?

Stingeray · 17/04/2020 17:05

We dont have GP nearby but for a very special occasion they would come and stay for the weekend/week and work the childcare into spending time with us. They also like the one on one time with DD. Same with aunts/uncles. If this isn't an option does the 1yo go to nursery/childminder and have a someone from there who can be paid to do this for the day. Who would you normally ask if you want to spend time away from your DC? Can your DP not go to the wedding and look after the kids and you go yourself?

If none of these are an option then you've kind of backed yourself into a corner here and will have to decline.

seven201 · 17/04/2020 16:58

*possibly

seven201 · 17/04/2020 16:58

If it were me I'd just leave dh at home with the one year old, is sibyl the 6 year old too.

Mumof1andacat · 17/04/2020 11:18

Local nursery staff sometimes do baby sitting. Could call a local on or ask parents at DC school if the parents know of anyone

user1493413286 · 17/04/2020 11:16

I think if you want to go then your DH would need to stay home; I wouldn’t leave them with someone they don’t know well and it seems a long time to ask a friend to look after them

Spam88 · 17/04/2020 11:15

If you're not breastfeeding, just go on your own (or with your older child). If you are bfing could your DH come and have a day out nearby so he can bring the baby to you if they want feeding? Although they'll probably be able to go without by that age.

SmallAndFarAway · 17/04/2020 11:10

One of you goes, the other one stays home.

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