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Original poster

How gormless should I let my au pair be?

35 replies

curiouscat · 05/09/2007 12:50

Sorry if I sound a complete bitch, but I'm at my wits end. I'm fed up with our au pair and don't know whether to leave work because of it or replace her.

Her job is taking 3 kids to school, and after school care so 8-9am and 3-7pm. She gets full board and lodging and £80 per week, rising to £200 per week in school holidays. We live West London.

I've bent over backwards to give her paid days off and keep her happy.

She's cheerful and friendly but

  1. lazy with children. Just watches telly with them unless booted out of the house. Took son,9, swimming and made him time her laps instead of playing with him at all. Bribes kids with sweets when thinks I won't notice.

  2. messy. Doesn't put away their coats/shoes/toys so I do this in the evenings.

  3. can't cook. I've shown her simple meals but kids are sick of fish fingers every day and I'm sick of throwing fresh food away as she hasn't given it to them.

  4. can't help with homework. simple spelling lists are beyond her.

  5. forgets their book bags/pe kit etc.

She's 19 from Slovakia, has boyf in Ealing, really independent evenings and weekends. Kids are age 5,7 and 9.

Am I just lucky to have her for that price or can I reasonably ask her to improve?

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NKF · 05/09/2007 13:57

I also think the kids could do some tidying up. There's something about children relaxing while an adult tidies away their stuff that grates on me a bit.

Homework is a bit much to ask for. She's a big kid really.

NKF · 05/09/2007 13:56

She should be capable of learning but I do get the impression that au pairs have to be taught. Obvious things have to be pointed out to them.

omega2 · 05/09/2007 13:38

Blimey at 19 she should be capable of learning to cook, able to tidy up and play with the children proparly not just stick the tv on

I moved out to the usa to work as an au pair at 19 and yes i spoke the same language which was a help but i worked hard and loved it and was quite capable of doing the job proparly

fridayschild · 05/09/2007 13:28

Agree that children that age should be doing their own tidying up- though she needs to encourage it.

Also a 19 year old who doesn't have English as her mother tongue, helping with homework? I think that's a bit much myself, but your other hopes all seem fair enough to me.

Mumpbump · 05/09/2007 13:18

I think your pay sounds quite generous, but am outside London so not sure of the going rate... I would definitely ask her to buck up a bit. If she doesn't, I should think there are plenty of other au pairs out there who wouldn't mind living in London...

NAB3 · 05/09/2007 13:14

Lucky to have someone who uses your house as a hotel and your kids as an inconvenience???

escape · 05/09/2007 13:03

I agree with you,
i am having this problem myself, but with a45 year old woman. she's effectively not actually doing her job. She sounds like she is simply being a prescence, rather than a carer IYKWIM - you can't decide anything until you've actually tackled her though, can you?

KaySamuels · 05/09/2007 13:00

I think these things would niggle at me too but I wouldn't expect a 19 year old au pair to be spot on at every point on your list either.

I think it's reasonable to expect her to tidy up, however do your kids know to hang coats up, put shoes in a certain place, etc? They are all school age and imo quite capable of helping out with little jobs like this.

I would expect her to engage with them but not plan activities supernanny style. Maybe make suggestions of what she could do, where they could go.

Why not do a timetable type chart on the wall, put what needs taking to school on it each morning, and what they could do after school, for example Monday - x's PE kit, y's bookbag, cutting and sticking after school.

I would sit down with her and have a chat about how you need more support, and that you will reveiw again in xamount of weeks.

JennaJ · 05/09/2007 12:56

Ask her to improve...set a daily task list of all the things she has to do. Write clearly that she is not to sit and watch telly until all things on the list have been completed..say when you go swimming she is to play with the children etc She is taking you for a ride!
There are probably hundreds of girls who would be happy with the hours and the days you need...
She might not be getting paid much in cash, but she is being paid in accomodation and food...!

Jenna

NKF · 05/09/2007 12:55

She's quite young so I think gormlessness is probably to be expected.